What was I thinking?
by JayceStorm
Summary: Slash: Edward is a famous actor who receives an unusual fan letter. E/J
1. The Phone Call

**AN: This is my first attempt at writing anything outside from college. **

**The story is based upon a series of dreams that I have had in response to a letter that I wrote several months ago.**

**Feedback is always welcome!  
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**SMeyer own Twilight, I just like to dream about her characters.  
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**What was I thinking…**

**Chapter 1: The Phone Call**

I was reclining in my living room chair reading a book when my cell phone rang. I glanced at my iPhone and noticed that the number was unlisted but I decided to answer it anyway, which shocked me because I usually ignore blocked calls.

I pressed the answer button and said, "Hello, this is Jasper" and I waited for a response, there was a slight pause and then a voice replied with the most delicious British accent, "Hello, this is…Edward and I just finished reading your letter that you sent me."

_Holy Fucking Shit! He actually called me!?!?! What do I say? Calm down, he is just a regular guy like you so treat him as such!_

"I'm happy you had a chance to read my letter. I figured you were inundated with all kinds of fan mail and thought it might have been lost in the masses."

He replies, "I try and make time to read as much fan mail as I can and when I got to your umm 'letter' _he places a heavy emphasis on the word letter_, I was intrigued."

_My heart skips a beat as I think about what I know has intrigued him. Breathe you idiot! Answer him, before he thinks you are some illiterate moron._

I ask, "What part of the letter did you find intriguing?"

"Well to be honest, I am very curious as to why you would want to give my feet a massage. It was an unusual request."

_Now what? Oh fuck! He is going to think I'm some weirdo-freak if I tell him the truth. What is the worst that will happen? He can hang up on your sorry ass! Well here goes nothing…_

I take a deep breath and reply, "There are two reasons to be honest. The first one is physical; I find your feet very attractive. The shape of your toes, their proportion to each other, how soft they look."

_UGH, I'm sure he is rolling his eyes right now!_

I continue, "The second reason has to do with trust."

_I wait, letting it sink in for a moment._

He asks, "Trust? "

_Well I have already stepped up to the cliff of weirdness I might as well take a jump!_

"Yeah, trust. I have always thought of a person's feet as a vulnerable part of them; they can be very sensitive and at the same time they are what ground them.

_My mind immediately starts thinking about gently tickling his feet and hearing him laugh. Focus Jasper!_

"It takes a certain amount of trust for a person to willingly place their vulnerabilities in your lap, knowing that you'll not abuse that trust. I guess I was hoping that you would be willing to trust me enough to place a sensitive part of you in my care."

_Oh shit, I hope he thinks I mean his feet…well maybe not just his feet._

There was a small period of silence in which I assumed what I had just said was sinking in. Edward then says, "Very interesting; you are quite the peculiar person. Does that mean you still want to massage my feet?"

I don't even hesitate in my response, "All night long if you would let me."

_Oh fuck, did I just say that? Yep you did._

He chuckles over the phone, "I just might have to let you do that sometime."

_Whoa! He actually might like that? At this point, I'm thinking, why not go for broke!_

I reply, "I know you have a very intense schedule, but if you ever find yourself back in the LA area, I live in San Diego and it is only about an hour and half drive. I would love an opportunity for the two of us to meet face-to-face and possibly have dinner? I love to cook and would be happy to make you dinner or we could grab something local?"

_I notice that I am holding my breathe again, hoping he won't say what I know he is going to say…_

There is a pause that seems like 15 minutes but is more like 15 seconds when he responds, "Umm, I am planning to be back in LA during the second week of April. Would you be free that Friday? I mean, if you are really interested in meeting?"

_How fucking cute is he, he is actually shy!_

I let him know, "I would love to! I can head up sometime after noon, would 2:00 be okay?"

He says, "Yeah, that would be great!" He gives me his address which I quickly right down and says, "I am looking forward to that foot 'massage' _he emphasizes the word massage with an almost mischievous hint in his voice. _

_Well fuck me running!_


	2. Face to Face

**Chapter 2: Face-to-Face**

The second week in April couldn't come fast enough! I literally was counting the days when Friday finally rolled around; I woke up at 6:00 AM and found that my thoughts were a huge jumbled mess. I knew I wasn't going to be able to concentrate at work so I took a personal day.

I decide that if I am going to cook dinner tonight, I should probably go to the store and pick up a few things, just in case he doesn't have them on-hand.

_Oh shit! I have no clue what he likes in the realm of food! Ok, nothing too fancy then, just something simple. Spaghetti and Meatballs!! Oh and a nice bottle of cabernet for the sauce and to drink. Better make it 2 bottles…hehe I am so very evil!_

I get back home from shopping, look at the clock and notice that it is only 7:30 AM so I have a few hours to kill. I figure I should take a shower and pack a few overnight things in hopes that I might be spending more than just Friday evening up in LA.

I go into the bathroom and turn on the shower to allow the water to warm up while I grab a towel.

Steam starts rolling out of the shower and I slowly step inside. I always enjoy the water as hot as possible so it can help relax my tense muscles.

As I am shampooing my hair my thoughts drift to him…

_Two hands reaching up into my hair from behind me as they gently begin massaging my scalp. I let my head tilt back as a low moan escapes my throat._

_I can feel his body press up against mine and the heat coming off him is intoxicating. I just want to be wrapped up in it!_

_He rinses my hair in the gentle spray and then begins to slowly nibble along my neck and ears. His breathing becomes heavy and my dick comes to full attention. "Fuck that feels amazing!" I can feel his own erection pressing up against my ass as my own dick throbs at the wonderful feeling of it._

_He slowly traces his finger tips across my shoulders, down my back and then reaches around my chest and pulls me closer into his body, pressing both of us together in the most wonderful embrace. I close my eyes, tilt my head back further, so it is resting on his shoulder and allow myself to become lost within his embrace, hoping that I can stay right here, forever._

My eyes open when I realize that I have used up all of the hot water. I turn off the shower and quickly towel myself dry.

_DAMN!!! That was the best shower ever!_

I finish getting dressed in my faded blue jeans and find a black shirt that fits snuggly around my chest. I try and tame my wild hair with gel but it is no use so I just let go where it wants to.

I glance at the clock and notice I still have a few hours before I should get on the road.

_Should I just head up early and surprise him? No, you don't want to appear overly anxious. Just relax and read a book._

I head back out to the living room and grab the book I had left on the end table last night and try and lose myself in the pages. It finally works and the last 2 hours go by rather quickly.

I notice it is about time I should get going and put the book down and start gathering up all my supplies for tonight's dinner as well as my backpack with my overnight stuff.

_God, if I do anything right tonight, please have Edward ask me to spend the weekend with him!_

I make sure to grab Edward's address and head to my car. I get inside and input the address into my GPS, connect my iPod to the stereo and load up my latest playlist. Of course, the first song that comes up is David Archuletta's, Crush…how appropriate as I laugh to myself. I get on the freeway and start heading towards what I hope is my future destiny.

The ride goes along rather smoothly but as I get closer and closer to my destination, I can feel the butterflies building in my stomach.

_Just relax, breathe and whatever you do, don't gape at him when you first see him!_

A British woman announces that I have arrived at my destination and I have to sit there and laugh and say to my GPS, "I hope you are right!"

I grab my bags with the dinner items in them and decide to leave my backup in the trunk with a sigh and hope that I will be back down to grab it later this evening.

I approach the gate and dial in the number for Edward's apartment. A few seconds go by and then there is the delicious voice, "Hello?" I reply, "Hi it's Jasper!" Edward says, "Oh great, I will let you in and make sure you close the gate behind you. I'm on the third floor, come on up!"

The gate makes a buzzing noise and I push it open and make sure to close it firmly behind me. I head in through the glass double doors at the entrance and walk towards the elevator and push the up button. The elevator arrives at the third floor and I exit and head towards his apartment.

I knock on the door and suddenly, my heart jumps into my throat.

_Breathe Jasper! Calm the fuck down!_

The door opens and Edward is standing there with his right hand leaning up against that door. I look at him, trying to take every aspect of him in. His hair is a wonderful brownish red color. I glance down to his face and notice he is wearing a pair of rectangular glasses with wire frames and his steel blue eyes are looking at me with a penetrating stare, stunning me into silence.

_How fucking delicious does he look right now! I have a flash back to the shower this morning and the feeling of his arms wrapped around me. I start to get hard right in his doorway. FOCUS JASPER!!!_

Edward laughs and forms the sexiest lopsided smirk as he asks me, "Would you like to come inside?"

_God if you only knew! NO!! Walk inside his apartment you idiot!_

I have to will my feet forward and I finally make it inside of his apartment. "Can I help you with those bags?" he asks and I quickly regain my faculties and say, "Sure, I just grabbed a few things for dinner tonight." He helps me put the items away and suggest that I go and have a seat on the couch in the living room.

I head towards the living room but stop and glance back at him. I didn't get a chance to finish my full-body scan of him and I pick up where I left off. He is wearing a light blue button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and dark blue jeans with a hole in the right knee. I scan further down and notice that he is barefoot.

_Oh my Fuck, kill me right now! He is bare-fucking-footed! I melt a little bit inside._

I again have to will my legs to move towards the couch where I sit down and have to make some adjustments to my pants as I am fully erect again.

Edward calls from the kitchen, "Can I get you anything to drink?" I ask, "Do you have any water?" He replies, "Sure, be right there."

He hands me the water over the back of the couch and then comes around the front and sits on the couch facing me and pulls his right leg up under him and says, "How was the drive up?"

_Damn he looks so fucking cute, I just want to fall into his lap…CRAP, what did he just ask me? Drive, up?_

After a moment's hesitation, I answer, "It was great, and the traffic wasn't bad at all." I smile at him hoping to get a smile in return which he does and I feel all warm inside my chest.

There are a few moments of silence and I realize that he is waiting for me to say something or possibly respond in some way.

_Take a deep breath and just relax. He is a regular kind of guy so just go with the flow and let things fall where they may._

I glance down at his feet and then quickly look back up into his eyes and say, "I couldn't help but notice that you are barefooted. Is that perchance an invitation to massage your feet?"

The lopsided grin is back on his face as he replies, "I thought you would never ask."

_Fuck me! Is he flirting with me? It must be…can it?_

He slowly extends his feet and places them in my lap. I turn and face him so that I can look into his wonderful eyes as I gently start on his left foot beginning with the soft arch, kneading gently at first before starting to apply some deep muscle pressure. I work my way through each of his toes, gently pulling and rubbing each one.

He leans back in the couch to make himself more comfortable and a soft moan escapes his lips. "You have amazing hands Jasper."

I smile a huge grin. _Yep you did that! You made him moan._


	3. What is it about him?

**Chapter 3: What is it about him?**

I spend the next 45 minutes with Edward's feet in my tender care. Gently massaging away any stress and building the trust that I hope will lead to a strong friendship and hopefully, something more.

I ask him, "So Edward, what types of food do you enjoy the most?" He seems very relaxed now and quietly responds, "Pretty much any junk food I can get my hands on. But in general, I love Italian food the most."

_SCORE!!! I make a mental note to make him some of my killer lasagna one night…that is if there is another night? _

There is a little catch in my voice and I try and cover it up and say, "Wonderful, I wasn't sure what I should make for you tonight so I decided on Spaghetti and Meatballs. I hope that works for you?"

I realize that he heard the catch as he leans up a bit from the couch and looks me directly in the eyes and says, "That sounds amazing. I haven't had good Italian food in a while." And then he smiles a genuine smile directed at me. It melts away the worry that I obviously had on my face.

_Fuck, that smile is killing me! And those lips, I wonder what they would taste like with some spaghetti sauce on them. My dick responds happily to those thoughts._

My erection reminds me that I should get started on the sauce to allow enough time for it to simmer and fully absorb the wine and fresh garlic. I'm torn between not wanting to let his feet go and needing to get up off the couch before I decide to lean into him and find out just how tasty his lips are.

I make the decision to get up and gently place his feet on the couch and before I head towards the kitchen, I grab his big toe and give it a gentle squeeze. "Thank you for your willingness to place some of your trust in my hands."

He looks like his thoughts were somewhere else but quickly comes back and focuses on me saying, "You have a very trusting aura about you. I feel like I can be completely safe around you and tell you things that you will keep in complete confidence."

My cheeks begin to turn red as a blush fills my face. "Umm, Wow! Thank you, you have no idea how happy that makes me right now." Then the most beautiful smile forms on his face as he says, "Me too."

_OH MY GOD!!! How can he possibly get any more fucking adorable right now!_

I turn to head into the kitchen and mention, "I should get started on the spaghetti sauce so it has enough time for the flavors to marry together." He looks up over the back of the couch and asks, "Can I help in anyway?"

_Yeah, you can leave your clothes in the living room and come into the kitchen and place your wonderful ass on the counter so I can enjoy looking at you while I prepare the sauce. Umm Fuck! Where did that thought come from?_

"Umm, sure you can show me where your sauce pot is and maybe a cutting board and knife?" He gets up from the couch, heading into the kitchen and starts looking around for a knife and cutting board. He then leans over into a lower cupboard, to grab a sauce pot.

_Fuck me right now if he doesn't have the most beautiful ass in the world! TURN AROUND right now and wash your hands under some cold water before you reach out and grab something that you shouldn't!_

_What is it about him that keeps pulling me towards him?_

He hands me the sauce pot and asks, "What else can I do to help?" I try and smile the least lustful smile I can muster, "You can cube the fresh mozzarella and cut the basil and tomatoes for our salad if you would like?"

I begin chopping the onions and fresh garlic for the sauce and can't help but steal quick glances at him every 10 or 15 seconds. He is very focused on his chopping.

_I can so picture myself doing this several nights a week with him. My mind races forward with the potential of us spending the rest of our lives together. Jesus! Get a grip! This is the first day you have spent with him and you are already planning the happily ever after!_

He glances over to me with a huge smile on his face. I smile back and can't help but wonder if his thoughts took him down a similar road as mine.

I pour some olive oil into the sauce pan and begin browning the meat. I add the onions and fresh garlic with a pinch of sea salt and some cracked pepper. I inhale the aroma, "Ahh, I love the smell of garlic and onions."

He turns back towards me and looks directly into my eyes, "Yes, it is quite intoxicating."

_Fuck, was that directed at me or the onions and garlic cooking away in the pot? _

I finish adding the rest of the ingredients to the pot; crushed tomatoes, tomato paste, basil, oregano and pour in about 1/3 of the first bottle of cabernet, stirring everything together. I adjust the heat to low as Edward is putting the ingredients for our salad in a bowl and wrapping it up and placing it in the refrigerator.

I look at him and say, "Well, we have a couple of hours before dinner time, what would you like to do now?"

He looks down a moment, like he is reluctant to say what is on his mind.

A moment of panic sets in and I'm worried that I have done something to cause this look of discomfort on his face. I take a small step towards him with my hand reaching out to his chin and gently lift it up so he is looking me directly in the face. "Please tell me what is on your mind. You can tell me whatever it is."

He smiles at me and some of the worry drops away from my expression. He says, "I would like to chat with you about something that I'm having a little difficulty putting into words."

I gesture towards the couch in the living room. Before I realize what I am doing, my left hand reaches out towards his and I lightly grab his hand. Not knowing if he will pull away from mine or not.

His fingers entwine with mine and that breath-taking smile appears back on his face like I just did something that he wanted me to do but was afraid to ask.

We sit on the couch, both facing each other with our legs crossed Indian-style, knees lightly touching each other. I notice that I haven't let his hand go and don't want to, fearing that he may not want to give it to me again.

I gently squeeze his hand and tell him, "Edward, please know that you can tell me anything and it won't leave this room. Just as you trusted me earlier with your feet, please trust me now and tell me what is bothering you."

He takes a deep breath and slowly exhales and begins, "Jasper…I am trying to understand some of these feelings that are going on inside me. Feelings that I have never experienced before with such magnitude and intensity." His head drops a little bit as several emotions cross his face.

I nod and patiently wait for him to continue. He looks like he is in pain and all I want to do is reach out and hug him close to me but I know that he needs to work through them if we are going to be able to move forward.

He looks back up at me and asks, "Have you ever experienced an uncontrollable pull towards something before. Something that you never thought would be there but when it was you were overwhelmed by it?"

I smile at him and reply, "Yes I have if you are referring to this insatiable need to know more about this person."

_I place some emphasis on the word person._

"A desire to understand how they think; what makes them happy; what brings them to tears; what their greatest fear is; what their lips taste like."

_Oh shit! Did I just say that with my outside voice? Yep, he is looking at you with his eyes wide open! Quick say something else so he forgets that last comment!_

"Umm, wanting to know a person like you know yourself. It is a feeling that you can never know enough about this person but you feel compelled to discover more. Is that the pull that you are referring to?"

He looks at me in awe and I can't help but wonder if it's because of my earlier slip about his lips or if we are on the same page when it comes to this undeniable pull we have towards each other. He hesitates again before asking his next question, "Umm, who… who was the person that you felt this pull towards?"

_His adorability factor just went up another 10 fold!_

I look directly into his eyes, pull his hand up to my lips and gently kiss the back of his hand and say, "Isn't it obvious? It is you."

He looks at me with the most amazing smile yet and says, "I was hoping it was me because I feel that same way towards you. And umm, did you really mean it when you said you wanted to know what my lips tasted like?"

_Oh holy hell! Does he actually want me to kiss him? Well, only one way to find out._

I lean closer towards him and I can hear his breath catch as he anticipates what I am about to do. I gently place my lips on his and brush my tongue along his lower lip. His mouth is warm and wet and I look into his eyes hesitating, waiting to see if he is going to pull away from me.

I'm pleasantly surprised when he places both of his hands on the sides of my face returning the kiss with his tongue asking for entrance into my mouth.

I happily grant him access as my tongue wraps around his. I run my hands into his silky hair and gently pull his head towards the side so I can gain better access to his mouth. I push my tongue slowly towards his, waiting for him to let me in.

He happily sucks my tongue into his mouth and runs his hands into my hair as well. Pretty soon, I need to come up for air and I slowly pull away from his delicious lips. I smile at him and reply, "They are better than I ever could have imagined!"

I pull him towards me on the couch, indicating that I want him to rest his head against my chest. He happily complies and I wrap my hands around his chest and entwine my fingers in his. We both let out a simultaneous sigh which in turn causes both of us to laugh at the same time.

I inhale the wonderful smell from his hair and ask him, "Edward, have you ever kissed another guy before?"

He hesitates and very quietly replies, "No, was that a bad kiss?"

_How fucking adorably delicious!_

I squeeze his chest closer to mine and grip his hands firmly as I tell him, "It was the most amazing kiss I have ever experienced. It felt like you were reading my every thought and need."

We continue talking about what kind of music we like; who our favorite artists are; what our favorite movies are; trying to fill the never ending want to know more about each other.


	4. Dinner & Disney

**Chapter 4: Dinner & Disney**

Time seems to disappear whenever I am with him. It is not until I hear a little grumble from Edward's stomach that I'm brought back to reality as I glance at my watch. We have been talking for over 3 hours and it feels like we could go on for 3 more hours.

Edward looks up at me and says, "I'm sorry, I guess I didn't realize how hungry I was." I smile back at him, squeeze him close to me and say, "I think I could lay here and talk with you all night long. But we should get some food; after all we did put some effort into preparing dinner."

_I mentally sigh as I relish the thoughts of 'We' and 'Us'._

I lean up from the couch and reluctantly un-wrap my hands from around his chest. I grab his right hand and stand up, pulling him with me and head towards the kitchen. I say, "Hey Babe, would you mind opening the other bottle of Barbera d'Alba so it has a chance to breathe?"

Edward comes to a complete stop, causing me to stop and turn around and look at him. He looks into my eyes with the warmest stare and asks, "What did you just say?"

I look a little confused and say, "I asked if you would open a bottle of wine…didn't I?"

He nods his head and very quietly says, "Yes but you called me Babe."

My face heats up as a blush starts to fill my cheeks and I reply, "Umm, I'm sorry, that just slipped out and…"

He steps closer to me and places one finger over my lips, stopping me from saying anything further. I can feel the warmth radiating from his body and I just want to bury myself in it.

Edward then says, "Don't apologize for anything, I was just a little shocked when you called me Babe and how it made me feel very warm and happy inside."

I look into his beautifully inviting grey-blue eyes as my own eyes start to fill with water and all I can manage to get out as I desperately fight for control of my emotions is, "Thank you!"

He pulls me into his embrace and gives me the tightest hug and he whispers into my ear, "No, Thank you for opening my eyes to something that I never would have thought possible."

_Fuck! Pull it together man before you confess you undying love for him._

_Umm am I in love with him? _

_Yeah, I think I am. FUCK! _

I return the same strong hug and then reluctantly pull away from his warm embrace. I try my best to blink away the water that wants to spill out of my eyes and say, "Umm, I think I need a drink. Would you mind pouring a couple of glasses of wine?"

Edward opens the bottle and pours 2 glasses, handing one to me. He smells the wine and says, "Mmm, this smells very nice, where is it from?"

I smile in return and tell him, "It is one of my favorite Italian wines from a restaurant near my house. Just wait until you taste it with the sauce, it is amazing how well it goes with tomatoes. Do you have another pot that we can use to cook the spaghetti in?"

_I know where he got the first pot from but I secretly wanted him to lean over again so I could get another glorious view of his ass._

_My mind quickly forms the image of Edward naked on a bed with a pile of strawberries in the small of his back. I dip them in chocolate and trace chocolate swirls on his luscious ass cheeks before taking a succulent bite. _

_FUCK ME!!!_

Yep, instant erection! I try and bring my focus back before he looks up and catches me drooling.

He fills the pot with water, puts it on the stove and covers it with a lid so it will come up to a boil faster.

Trying to get my mind back into dinner, I ask Edward, "Have you ever made vinaigrette before?"

He looks at me shaking his head and responds, "No, is it easy to do?" I smile and can't help but feel happy inside.

_He actually makes me feel happy inside when I show him how to cook! I have always enjoyed cooking. It makes me feel happy and relaxed but I never thought that I could be just as happy showing somebody else how to cook too._

_Make a mental note to teach him everything you know about cooking! Everything!_

"Sure, you just need a couple of basic ingredients and your imagination." I hand him some Dijon mustard, balsamic vinegar and some extra virgin olive oil. "You start with a base—I point to the mustard—then add some kind of acid—I nod towards the balsamic—and finally oil. I never measure, I just use my taste buds and when it tastes the way you want it, you are done."

Edward adds the ingredients together in a bowl and starts to whisk them together. After a minute or so, I place my index finger in the bowl and then take a taste. It is perfect! I go for another dip and then slowly place my finger against his lower lip and ask, "Wanna taste?"

Edward's eyes light up as his tongue reaches out for a taste and he leans into my finger, taking it all the way up to the knuckle. His tongue swirls around my finger and we both let out a soft moan.

I reluctantly pull my finger out of his mouth with a 'pop' and Edward forms that sexy lopsided grin on his face as he says, "It tastes delicious!" My dick springs back into action as I imagine him doing exactly what he just did to my throbbing member.

_Fuck me! No really fuck me please!_

I reach down to the counter and grab Edward's glass of wine, hand it to him and reach for my own glass. I lift the glass up to his and say, "To great tastes!" I take a nice drink of the wine, letting if wash down my throat and begin to fill me with warmth from the inside.

Edward takes a drink of his wine and says, "Wow, this really is nice. I can't wait to try it with the spaghetti."

My mind quickly jumps back to dinner and I head to the freezer to pull out the meatballs. I ask Edward, "Do you have a microwave safe dish I can defrost these in?" He goes to a cabinet over the counter and pulls out a dish and hands it to me. I put the meatballs in the dish and set the microwave for 3 minutes and toss the pasta into the boiling water.

I look back at Edward and he is staring at me and my favorite grin is on his face. I raise one eyebrow and ask, "Did I spill something on me?"

He laughs and says, "Nope. I just think you look so fucking sexy right now as you busily pull dinner together and I couldn't help but imagine…" His voice trails off…

_Oh No You Don't!!! You can't just leave me hanging_…

I prompt him, "Oh? Just what was it that you are imagining?" A huge grin fills my face.

He looks a bit nervous and reluctant to answer my question. I tell him, "Babe, please tell me what you are thinking, I really want to know."

The warmth fills his eyes as I call him 'Babe' and he says, "Well… I was just uh; imagining you wearing nothing but an apron as you go about fixing dinner." His cheeks start turning red as he blushes for the first time.

_Holy Fucking Hell! I just want to lick him all over!_

I form the sexiest grin I can and reply, "Maybe, you will get to see that sometime."

I am pulled out of my fantasy of cooking in the buff when the microwave beeps. I pull the meatballs out and toss them in the pot with the sauce and give it a stir.

I motion for Edward to come over to the stove as I scoop a small spoonful of sauce and gently blow on it to make sure it is not too hot. I tell him, "Now try this and then take a drink of your wine and let me know what you think."

He leans forward and takes a taste of the sauce and then a drink of wine and says, "WoW!!! That is amazing! The wine has a completely different taste and it is delicious with the sauce."

I lean towards him and place my hand on the back of his neck as I pull him in for a kiss. My tongue runs along his upper lip and waits for permission to enter his mouth which he quickly grants. I can still taste the residual flavors of the sauce and the wine in his mouth. It is the most amazing taste I have ever had.

It is not until I have to gasp for air that I finally pull away from his lips warm embrace and say, "Umm, you had a little sauce on your lip and I thought I would take care of that for you." A faint blush starts to fill my cheeks.

He just stands there with a smile on his face but does not say anything. I get a little worried and inquire, "Babe, did I do something that I shouldn't have done?"

He quickly shakes his head and takes another minute before replying, "No, not at all. I was just at a loss for words to describe how that kiss felt. It was unlike anything I have ever experienced kissing a girl. I had no idea it could be so intense and the sensory feeling of taste mixed with the kiss was just…well fucking amazing!"

_God how I love when he says the word Fuck! I immediately have an overwhelming desire to hear him say, "I am going to fucking cum!"_

I wicked grin forms on my face as I say, "You are a fucking amazing kisser Edward! Now how about we sit down and enjoy some dinner?"

Edward grabs a couple of plates and bowls from the cupboard and hands them to me. I suggest, "Why don't you spoon the salad into the bowls while I plate up the spaghetti." Edward fills the bowls and grabs his and my glass of wine and heads to the table.

I grab both of our plates, balancing them in one hand and grab the wine bottle in the other and head to join him. I refill both of our glasses and sit down to enjoy my first of hopefully many other dinners with Edward.

We eat in relative silence, not an awkward silence but one of contentment as we both are enjoying our meal.

_A vision of Lady and the Tramp forms in my head with Edward taking a piece of spaghetti from my fork and slowly sucking it into his mouth. I quickly suck that other end into my own lips and we eventually meet for a kiss._

_How fucking Disney can I get!! Sheesh!_

I let out a laugh and quickly try and cover it up by taking a drink of wine. Edward looks up and inquires, "What do you find so funny?"

I laugh again and tell him, "You don't want to know; you will just laugh and think I'm crazy."

He puts his fork down and focuses his beautiful blue eyes on mine.

_It is like he knows that he has this power over me and he can compel me to speak when I don't want to_.

"J…"

_He pauses as if trying on a new pair of jeans and is pleasantly surprised when you feel how comfortable they are._

"Please tell me what you are thinking, I really want to know."

_EVIL BASTARD!!! Using my own line on me! Hey!!! Did he just call me Jay??!? _

_Ok, he is a fucking Adorable Bastard!_

My face begins to heat up as a blush floods my cheeks, "Umm, please don't laugh ok? And how did you know my nickname was Jay?" He nods his head and says, "It seems to fit you well." I'm a little dumbstruck that he would pick out a name that I have not heard since I was 17 but I continue on, "Um, I just had this crazy image of you and I sucking on the same strand of spaghetti and meeting in the middle for a kiss."

_God I feel like I'm 10 years old right now!_

His face fills with that wonderful smile that can melt away any negative emotions I am feeling and he says, "Lady and the Tramp eh? So who was the Lady and who was the Tramp?" His smile turns into the lopsided grin.

_My mind immediately begins to race with an appropriate response…is he the Lady? Well no I don't want him to think that I see him as a girl. Is he the Tramp? Hell No! That won't work either. Shit!! _

_Oh God how did I get myself into this…_

I meekly reply, "Umm, Lady?" To which he lets out a loud laugh and says, "What makes you think I'm not the Tramp?"

_Oh ho! Look who is getting a little ballsy now! I become completely relaxed. Well two can play this game!_

I let out my own laugh and can't help but fall a little more in love with him. I respond, "Well, that depends on what your intentions are, Mr. Tramp."

He still has that fucking adorable, shit-eating grin on his face when he replies, "I guess that depends on what is for dessert!"

We finish our meal and another couple of glasses of wine as I begin to pickup our dishes and head to the sink. I lean down over him in his chair and gently kiss his forehead and whisper to him, "Save some of your wine for later. You will be amazed how well it goes with chocolate!"

He gets up from the table and helps clear the rest of the dishes with me. We each take turns with me washing and him drying and putting the dishes away.

He then turns towards me and pulls me into his warm embrace and says, "Thank you for the most amazing Italian dinner I have ever had."

I give him a quick peck on the lips and reply, "It was my pleasure and I hope it is not the last."

_Damn the wine is starting to get to me! I can feel my eyebrows starting to go a little numb as I realize how completely open I am being with him._

He pulls me close for a kiss but simply brushes his lips against mine as he moves along my jaw to my neck and whispers in my ear, "You can definitely count on that!"


	5. Chocolate!

**Chapter 5: Chocolate!**

I suggest to Edward, "Babe, why don't you go into the living room and pick out a movie for the two of us to watch while I get dessert ready."

He turns towards me with a wicked grin before heading to the living room. I call out to him, "Tramp!"

He responds over his shoulder with a growl that immediately goes straight to my dick.

_I must remember to make him growl for me while making love to him. Whoa there boy! Take it slow, this is all very new to him and you should let him set the pace._

_But he is so fucking adorable! _

_Yes and it is because of that, you want to make sure he is completely comfortable. This is not about how you feel but how you make him feel._

I grab a small sauce pot from the lower cabinet, fill it with some water and place a slightly larger glass bowl that I pulled out from a cupboard into the pot.

_Wow, I am starting to feel really comfortable in his kitchen, almost as if it were my own._

I turn the stove on a low simmer and place the pot over the flame. I grab the Ghirardelli chocolate bar from the fridge and start breaking it up into pieces and adding it to the bowl along with a splash of Grand Marnier, some heavy cream and just a squeeze of honey. I slowly stir the ingredients together until the chocolate is fully melted.

I grab a plate from the cupboard, and place the chocolate brownie I had purchased this morning on the plate. I pour the chocolate sauce into a small bowl, grab a couple of forks and head into the living room.

The movie is just getting started and I quickly realize that he selected "Chocolat" with Johnny Depp and Juliette Brinoche. A large grin forms on my face as I say, "I love this movie! It will go so well with dessert, chocolate brownie with warm ganache. "

I break off a piece of the brownie, dip it in the warm ganache and cup my hand under the fork so I don't spill any on my way over to his waiting lips. His lips are slightly parted even before I reach them and he slowly opens his mouth as I place the forkful of chocolaty goodness inside.

He closes his eyes as he slowly chews each succulent bite.

_Holy Shit! He makes just chewing look fucking hot!_

I grab his wine from the coffee table and hand it to him and whisper in a quiet voice, "Now take a sip of this and tell me what you are thinking."

He opens his eyes as I hand him his glass. He takes a couple sips of the wine and then closes his eyes again as a lowly moan escapes his lips. His mouth opens as if he is going to say something but then he stops. A little more time passes and he finally is able to get out a couple words, "Fuuuuucking Amazing!"

_God how I love that word coming from his lips! It will forever be my personal endeavor to find ways to get him to say the word Fuck!_

He opens his eyes and stares directly into mine for a few seconds before he reaches behind my neck and pulls me towards him for a kiss. My lips part even before touching his and then he presses his lips into mine. He sucks my tongue into his mouth, allowing me to relish in the unbelievably deliciousness of chocolate and his taste. We kiss for the next 5 minutes and I feel an electrical current running all throughout my body. Then I realize that not only am I rock hard at this point but I'm actually getting close to cumming in my pants.

_WOW!!! His kissing is bringing me so close to an orgasm! Holy Fucking Hell!_

I pull away from his wonderful lips and have to wait a moment to collect my thoughts while I try and catch my breath.

He looks at me and is just about to inquire if I am ok when I hold up a finger, motioning for him to give me a moment. I finally am able to think a little more clearly as I respond, "Umm, Babe…that kiss was so beyond what I have ever experienced and I…uh, you have no idea how amazing it felt. I mean all over my body, not just where our lips met."

He grabs my hand and opens it up so that my palm is facing him and then pulls it to his chest. I feel the heat radiating from his core and then my hand touches his chest and I feel his heart racing like he has just run a marathon. He glances down to his pants and then quickly back up to my eyes as his face beings to flush the most glorious shade of pink.

My eyes glance down and I notice that he too has a full erection straining his pants. I look back into his eyes and say rather sheepishly, "I guess you did feel how amazing the kiss was!" All he can do is nod then he pulls me into his embrace as he falls backwards into the couch. I readjust myself so I have my ear on his chest as he wraps his hands around me.

His heart rate is slowing down a bit and I inch up to his face and give him a kiss as I try to fill the kiss with all the warmth and passion I feel expanding in my chest. Our jeans rub up against each other and I feel his dick throb as mine presses into him.

He thrusts his hips into mine as he runs his hands into my hair and grabs a fistful. The kiss changes from one of passion into one of need and intense desire. His tongue tries to explore all parts of my mouth and lips. My tongue is doing the same as they both battle for dominance.

I suck his lower lip into my mouth and gently nibble on it. I then nibble my way along his jaw line and down his neck. I reach his earlobes and begin nibbling and sucking them as I breathe heavily into his ears.

I realize that my breathing is now very heavy as I am becoming overcome with the passion the two of us are sharing.

_Oh Fuck! He is an amazing kisser. I feel like I'm embracing a burning fire. No, you need to slow down!_

_Take it easy and don't rush into anything to quickly!_

_But he wants it! That is his fiery lust for you and you don't want his first time to be in the flames of lust. _

_It needs to be a warm gentle smolder of love making so he does not regret doing something that he may not be ready for._

_Damn It! Why do I have to be the good one! _

_Because you love him and you know it!_

I slowly start to pull away from his embrace and a look of confusion forms on his face. "Babe, we need to go slow. I know these emotions and feelings are new to you and pretty much to me as well but..."

A look of hurt crosses his face and I feel a constriction in my chest as I know I caused him that pain. I grab him and pull him towards me into the tightest embrace I can possibly manage. "Babe, No! It is not what you are thinking!" I gently pull away just enough so I can look directly in his eyes and say, "I want you to know how much I really want this and to be with you more than anything. But I don't want it to be out of lust."

I can feel my eyes beginning to fill with water. I know that I'm not going to be able to stop the flow of tears this time but I press on saying, "I know that we just met and this is going to sound so ridiculous but I really have strong feelings towards you, feelings that I never thought I could have towards another person whom I just met and, and I may even be falling in love with you."

He brings a hand up to my eyes and gently wipes away some of the tears that are starting to flow freely now. I continue, "And I just wanted our first time to be something that you truly wanted to share between the two of us and not something that you would regret the next day that came out of the heat of passion and lust."

I sniffle a bit and ask him, "Does that make any sense or am I just a babbling idiot right now?"

The most amazing smile forms on his face, it is like seeing the sunrise in the early morning as he quietly says, "Jay, I do understand and I really appreciate your desire to make this special for me, umm no, for us!" He then places the gentlest kiss on my lips and then pulls me back down on the couch into his warm embrace with his hands wrapped around me.

I sniffle again as I start to regain control of my emotions and look up into his eyes saying, "I'm sorry that I lost it a bit there. I think with the wine and heat of the moment, I just lost a little bit of control." I pause for a moment and say, "Ok a lot more control than I'm willing to admit."

He shines his beautiful smile down on me and replies, "Don't ever apologize for speaking from your heart! It is a very endearing quality and a part of you that I find very attractive. Now how about getting me another bite of that delicious dessert and we watch the rest of the movie?"

My mood has taken a significant up-turn as I smile happily at him and lean up to cut him another bite of chocolate covered brownie. A mischievous grin forms on my face as I look back to him and say, "Now, promise me that you won't jump my bones after I give you this bite."

The sexy as Fuck, lopsided grin appears back on his face as he shrugs his shoulders and says, "I am the Tramp after all, one does have a reputation to live up to!"

I laugh heartedly to his response as I gently place the bite into his awaiting mouth and say in the most girlish voice I can muster, "Well, this Lady does have her virtues that must be protected!" At which point, we both collapse into a bout of uncontrollable laughter that lasts until both of our stomachs are aching.

We both sit and take turns feeding each other the remaining bites of dessert and then comfortably fall into each other's embrace to watch the rest of the movie.

_I can't decide if I like holding him in my arms more or having him hold me in his arms! I guess I like both, being the protector and also being protected._

A gentle sigh leaves my lips as I'm wrapped in Edward's arms and he looks down at me and kisses my hair as he whispers into it, "Yeah, I know exactly how you feel."

When the movie finally comes to an end, I realize how late is has gotten and my heart begins to constrict as I am faced with the possibility that I may need to leave and head home. I try my best to hide the emotions from showing on my face but apparently, I'm not very successful.

Edward looks at me and says, "You look so fucking cute when you are worried. Are you afraid that you will offend me if you ask me if you can stay?"

My eyes open wide as the shock registers on my face, "Am I that transparent?" Then my cheeks begin to flush as I hesitantly ask, "Umm, Do you? Want me to stay the night?"

The grin that I have come to recognize as his playful side is back as he replies, "Yes I do, but aren't you afraid that I might compromise your Lady-like virtues?"

I grab him up in a huge bear hug and spin him around in a circle and tell him, "I'm willing to take the chance if it means getting to spend more time with you! Now I need to go down to my car and grab my backpack with my overnight things."

He looks at me again, with his grin in full force and says, "Oh now who is the Tramp? Had your bags already packed and ready to go for the weekend eh?"

My cheeks start to burn again as I happily head out the door and down to my car. He buzzes me back in and I head into his apartment once again and help him finish cleaning up the dishes from dessert.

He turns the TV and DVD off and grabs my hand and pulls me towards his bedroom.


	6. Helping a Blind Man See

**Chapter 6: Helping a Blind Man See**

We head into his bedroom, hand-in-hand as he sits down on the edge of the bed and motions for me to sit next to him. A worried line forms across his brow as he struggles with what he wants to say.

I reach up and brush some of his hair out of his eyes so I can look into them. His eyes are a window into his emotional state and I need to know what he is feeling right now.

He looks into my eyes and I can see he is troubled and doesn't know where to start. I brush his cheek with my thumb and gently whisper, "Sometimes you just have to start in the middle and work your way out from there."

A brief smile forms and then becomes serious again as he says, "I know I was joking a bit about being The Tramp earlier but sometimes, when I'm uncomfortable…no that is not the right word…unfamiliar with a situation, I tend to use a joke or try and make something funny to cover up my nervousness."

I nod, and wait for him to continue.

A little of the tension is dropping away from his expression as he says; "I am not really sure what to do next. I mean, I really enjoy kissing; and holding you in my arms feels very comfortable to me. It is just that when it comes to going further, I…I don't know if I'm ready and umm, I'm a little scared that you will…I mean I will not know what to…God this is the hardest thing I have ever had to say!" He drops his face to hide the expressions that are quickly passing across it.

I reach out and take his right hand in mine as I gently squeeze it and softly rub circles in the palm of his hand. I take my other hand and place it under his chin and slowly lift it up so I can see his beautiful blue eyes and say, "Babe, all I can ever ask of you is to be honest with me. I know this is very hard for you to talk about right now and I can't tell you how much it means to me that you are even willing to try and express some of the feelings that you are going through. But know this, I am willing to go as slow as you want with our…" I pause as try and find the right word but settle for the inadequate, "relationship."

I turn around on the bed so I am facing him and pull both my legs up under myself and then pull both of his hands into my lap. He turns around and sits on the bed in similar fashion as I ask, "Can I ask you for something?" He nods his head as I continue, "Please don't ever feel afraid or scared of talking with me. I just ask that you at least try and talk with me whenever you start to feel uncomfortable with 'Us' or whatever you have on your mind." I squeeze his hands again and say, "I don't want you to go through this by yourself. If you just need an ear to talk to; two arms to hold you close or somebody you know you can honestly trust with your heart and your soul, I am here for you."

The most radiant smile forms on his face but there are still a couple of clouds wrapped around the fringes as his eyes fill with water and he says, "Thank you! That means more to me than you can possibly know."

His spirits seem to have lifted a bit but there is still something that he is holding on to, I can see it in his eyes so I prompt, "What else is bothering you Babe?" He looks at me a little shocked and says, "Now I'm the transparent one I guess. It is just…just that I feel like I am a blind man walking around with somebody who can see when it comes to this whole guy-on-guy relationship stuff. I know what I would do if I was with a girl but with you, that doesn't' work. And you, everything seems to come naturally to you."

I try and hide the expression of shame that quickly crosses my face as I feel like I am the evil Snidely Whiplash trying to whisk away Nell to my den of corruption. I give quick thanks that he has his eyes turned down as I tell him, "Well, to be honest, I have only been with a few other guys, always in a long term relationship. I never was one for just romping around from bed to bed. And my last relationship ended over a year ago."

_I desperately need to find a way to level the playing field. I want him to feel as an equal with me when it comes to exploring our new relationship and how far and how fast he wants to proceed. _

_Ah-ha! I have an idea! If I had a handle-bar mustache, I would be twirling it right now! _

I brush my thumb against his cheek again to get his attention as he looks back up into my eyes and I say, "Babe, I have something that I would like to try with you, something that I think will make this a little bit easier for both of us. Do you trust me?"

He looks a little nervous but nods his head.

I go over to the window that is above the bed and pull the curtains completely closed to block out any light coming in from outside. I turn back to him and ask, "Do you have a small candle and something to light it with?" He goes out into the living room and quickly returns with a small glass holder with a tea light in it. He lights the candle and hands it to me with an inquisitive look on his face.

I smile and tell him, "Patience love, this will become apparent in just another minute or two." I place the candle on the top shelf of the bookcase along his wall; far enough away from any books so there is no danger of fire but high enough that it casts shadows across the lower portion of the room.

I then close the bedroom door, turn off the light and reach out to find his hand. After a moment, I pull his hand up to my lips and give it a gentle kiss and say, "Ok, now we are both blind and I want you to tell me what you would like to do next, without any words. You can only use your hands to communicate what you would like." I put my finger over his lips and say, "No talking."

I can feel his hand move from mine and reach out to my hair. His other hand also reaches to my locks and he slowly moves his hands down my face, along my neck as he traces lines with his fingertips across my jaw line until he reaches my lips. He then leans in and gives me a very gentle but passionate kiss. There is no rush or urgency to this kiss, just a simple, shouldering heat of love as his tongue dances with mine between our lips.

His hands then reach out to my chest as he brushes his fingertips downward. His fingers cross over my nipples causing them become hard. He continues down my chest to my stomach and then he runs his fingers under my shirt and starts to lift it up slowly.

When my shirt gets up to my chest, I reluctantly pull away from his lips and put my hands over my head so he can finish removing my shirt. His fingers reach out searching for my face and when he finds it again, he runs a hand behind my neck and slowly pulls me towards him for another passionate kiss. I let my hands explore along his shoulders and down his back and around to his chest as I reach up under his shirt, and find his nipples, giving each one a gently squeeze. He lets out a moan in my mouth which causes me to suck in his lower lip and gently nibble on it. I pull his shirt up and this time, he breaks lip contact so I can remove his shirt.

I put my hands behind his neck to pull him in for another kiss but he reaches back and grabs one of my hands and places it back on his chest, right next to his right nipple. I pinch it again and slowly rub my fingers over the tip as he pulls my neck to him with his other hand. "Fuck that feels good!" he says to which I respond, "Shh, no talking."

His lips brush against mine but he moves down my neck and to my collar bone and then back up to my ears, nibbling along the way. This time I let out a moan.

He pulls me close to his body, pressing us together, still kissing all along my neck, jaw and ears. Our hips meet and I can feel his wonderfully hard dick pressing up against mine. He begins to grind his hips into me, looking for some kind of friction and lets out another moan of pleasure.

His hands move from the back of my neck, down along my back until he reaches my ass which he then grabs a firm handful and pushes towards him. My dick is so hard at this point that it hurts with a need for release.

_He is in charge; let him discover just how far he wants to go tonight._

His nibbling moves back up to my lips and he resumes kissing me with a deep passionate kiss. We take turns sucking each other's tongues into our mouths. He pulls my ass towards him again, pressing our dicks together as he slides his hips up and down ever so slightly. My dick throbs again as I let out a low moan, from somewhere deep in my chest.

I can tell that he smiles at this as his lips part wider while we continue kissing.

His hands then move from my ass around to the front of my pants and I intake a huge breathe as he grabs my dick and squeezes it firmly.

_Fuck yeah! Please pull out my cock! I want to feel the heat of his hand on it so badly!_

I squeeze both of his nipples quite firmly which gets another delicious moan from him.

His hands move from my pulsing dick to my belt buckle as he starts to slowly undo my belt. I have another intake of breath and I ask, "Are you sure?" To which he replies, "Shh, no talking!"

_God Damn! I love you! Do you fucking know how much I love you right now?!?!_

He then unbuttons my jeans and slowly unzips them and pushes them down over my boxers. I quickly kick off my shoes and socks so I can step out from my jeans. My hands then return to his chest and trace their way down to his waist where I slowly undo his belt and unbutton his jeans.

His hand returns to my throbbing member that is making a nice tent out of my boxers and he starts to slowly rub up and down the underside of my dick. He then reaches inside my boxers to grab my dick and lowers my boxers.

As I unzip his pants and I feel along his hips and I'm pleasantly surprised that he is not wearing any underwear. I carefully reach inside his pants and grasp his wonderful cock and pull it free from the confines of his jeans. I then push them down so he can step out of them. My hand returns to his unbelievably warm, hard cock as I slowly begin to pump up and down on it.

_Fucking Amazing! I so want to drop to my knees and feel how wonderful his dick would taste inside my mouth right now but I use every ounce of control in my body withhold that action. I must let him set the pace._

While he still has my cock firmly in his hand, he pulls me towards the bed. We gently bump up against the end of the bed and sit down. We scoot up a little bit on the bed and lie back with both of our hands starting to pump each other at a faster pace.

I can feel myself starting to get close and then all of a sudden, he pulls his hand away from my cock to which I let out an "Ugh!" But then I then feel his hand rub up along my hand that is pumping his own swollen member. He traces up my fingers to the tip of his own dick and then moves away. The next thing I know, his finger is brushing along my lips to which I quickly suck into my mouth.

His finger has some of his pre-cum on it which tastes amazing and I suck his entire finger into my mouth and run my tongue all along its length. I start sucking up and down on his finger, timing my hand motion on his cock with the sucking of his finger. He lets out growl this time which causes me to grasp the base of his cock very tightly.

He pulls his finger out of my mouth and then places his hand behind my head and slowly starts to push my head down towards my hand that is firmly wrapped around his cock.

_Holy Fucking Shit!!! He wants me to give him a blow job!!! I have died and gone to heaven!_

I twist my body around on the bed so that my feet are facing up towards him so I can get myself into a better position. I then slowly move in towards his wonderfully pulsing cock and release my hand and replace it with my tongue. I slowly lick from the base of his cock all the way up to the tip, memorizing every ridge with my tongue. I get to the top and I suck in just the head and run my tongue all around and into his slit as I'm rewarded with another bit of his delicious juice.

His hand reaches out to my leg and he begins running it up along the length until he reaches my waist and he moves inward until he finds what he was looking for and grabs a firm hold of my dick. He lets go for a moment to which I sigh a little inside but I continue my glorious work on his lovely cock.

He surprises me again when his hand returns and is warm and slick as he grasps my dick and starts to slide up and down on it. It is an amazing feeling and I can't help but buck my hips up into his fist.

I then slowly slide down the entire length of his cock, taking him in all the way and suck in to form a vacuum around his swollen gland. I begin to suck up and down his length with my tongue playing along the underside of his cock.

Pretty soon, I can feel his cock start to spasm in my throat and I know he is getting close now.

_I am temporarily overwhelmed with a desire to see him cum but realize that this is about making him feel comfortable with what we are doing. I will get to see him cum another time._

He is now timing his pumping with my sucking motion and I'm getting close too. Then he thrusts his hips up, pushing him all the way into my throat as he lets out a yell, "I am going to fucking cum!"

He then tries to pull out of me but I grab his hips with both of my hands and push him further into my throat. He unloads his wonderful ecstasy down my throat and I keep him in my mouth gently sucking until I'm sure he has given me everything he has.

He squeezes my dick in the passion of the moment and it sends me over the edge, I pull up from his cock and yell out, "Fuck!!!" and I shoot my load all over my chest.

I ride the wave of sheer joy for many moments before I twist my body back around so I am facing him again and trace my hands along the side of his body up until I reach his face. I give him a quick peck on the lips and say, "So how are you doing Babe?"

There is a moment of silence in which I let him gather his thoughts and he finally responds, "Holy Fuck! I never knew that a blow job could feel like that. Your mouth…it, it is…Fuck!"

I let out a small laugh and say, "I will take that as a compliment. And thank you for letting me experience a wonderfully delicious part of you. Now, I think I need to get cleaned up a bit, mind if I hop into your shower?"

He says, "Sure, there are towels in the metal basket on top of the counter."

I roll out of the bed and head to the bathroom. I turn-on the light and then push the door behind me as if I'm going to close it but I leave a small crack of light to shine into the room."

I turn on the water and once it has warmed up and steam starts to pour out the top, I step inside and being to rinse myself off.

I am surprised for the third time tonight when I hear the curtain open and Edward steps into the shower with me. I turn and look at his unbelievable body standing before me and all I can say is, "Fucking Gorgeous!" He flushes as his cheeks start to become pink. He says, "I just couldn't help but want to see the rest of you. I got a wonderful view of your nice ass as you went into the bathroom and turned on the light and I could not stop imaging what the rest of you looked like. So I figured I would step in and see for myself."

He eyes me up and down and then says, "Fucking Amazing!" I smile a huge grin and then turn back towards the sprays as I wiggle my ass in his direction. He laughs and slaps my ass with his hand and says, "Nice rear-end you have there." I laugh again and respond, "It works for me."

I then grab the bottle of shampoo and start to lather up my hair when I feel two more hands join mine and he begins to massage my scalp.

_OH MY GOD!!! It is my dream from this morning!_

He comes up behind me and presses his body into mine. I lean my head back so he can massage my scalp. When he is done, he gently pushes my head forward so I can rinse off.

I then turn around and pull him into a warm, embrace and let the water flow over our bodies.

Reluctantly, we have to get out of the shower before we use up all the hot water. We both towel off and then head back into the bedroom and crawl under the sheets. I slip my left arm under his pillow, wrap my right arm around his chest and push my right leg up under his as we mould ourselves into a wonderful position and gently fall asleep.


	7. The Letter

**Chapter 7: The Letter**

I awoke the next morning at around 6:00AM with the most wonderful man wrapped in my arms. Edward was still quietly sleeping as I contemplated staying in bed for as long as it took for him to gently wake up but I knew that I would become restless so I decided to slowly slide out from his embrace taking as much care as possible to not disturb him.

I find my jeans and pull them on and head into the living room. I sit on the couch and pull out my iPhone from my back pocket to check for messages. I have a voicemail from my sister Alice. I press the play back to listen and I have to quietly laugh.

_Jay its Alice, do you not love me anymore? How are things going with you dreamboat? I'm assuming since you are ignoring me that it must be going well. Call me! I want all the delicious details._

I look at my watch and see that it is 6:15 AM and decide that if she wants the details, then she can be inconvenienced a little. I dial her number and I'm greeted with a groggy voice, "Umm, hello? Who is calling?"

I say, "Good morning sis, you said you wanted details so I'm giving you a call."

_I can't help but chuckle a little as a smirk forms on my face._

Alice inquires, "Do you even realize what time it is? Nobody should be allowed to be up at this hour in the morning, it should be illegal!"

I laugh some more and say, "Well do you want some details or not?" She perks up and says, "Of course I do dear brother. And you can skip over the disgusting details about you drooling all over him and what you both did to each other's bodies". I laugh some more and tell her, "Oh you know you like all the sexual details you perv!"

I recount how the evening progressed from dinner preparation through dinner and on to dessert. I shared as much detail as I can with her even my brilliant idea about leveling the playing field for the two of us.

Alice happily replies, "I'm so happy for you Jay, I know you have been hoping to find somebody special in your life for a while now and aren't you glad I convinced you to write that letter and send it to him? And here you thought he would never reply or he would think that you are some deranged gay man that wanted him just for his body."

I reply, "Yes Alice, I will never be able to thank you enough for pushing me to put into words what I had experienced when I first dreamt of Edward. Now I need to let you go before he wakes up but I will call you later. Love ya sis!"

I lie back on the couch and think back to the time I saw Edward in the movie 'Heart of a Piano' in which he played the lead character, Stephen who was a great pianist who lost his parents when he was 22. Ever since then, he was never able to compose music due to the overwhelming loss that he felt from their death. He suppressed all feelings of love in hopes that he would never have to feel the pain of losing somebody again. It was not until he met the young cellist, Ryan, that he slowly rediscovered that love was the heart of his musical inspiration. And through his relationship with Ryan, he composed his greatest piece of music.

When I first saw Edward in prior movie I knew I was attracted to him but never really focused on him because all of the magazines and articles speculating which woman he was currently dating at that particular time. But when he portrayed a character that falls in love with another man, something stronger developed.

Shortly after seeing 'Heart of a Piano' I started having the same reoccurring dream. At first I thought it was just my over active imagination but I was surprised at the amount of detail I was able to recall each time as well as the vivid colors in my dream. Usually they were mostly in black and white and I could only recall bits and pieces of them.

I shared my dream with my sister Alice one day and she suggested I write the dream down in a letter and send it to Edwards's agent. She had said, "What's the worst thing that could happen, he just rips it up or he completely ignores it but you will at least have the comfort that you made an effort to share it with him." So reluctantly, I composed the letter and sent it off to his agent.

The letter detailed how I encountered Edward at a local coffee shop and felt compelled to talk to him and try and get to know him. I asked him questions about where his creativity came from to compose music—I had researched that he composed several pieces of music for 'Heart of a Piano' and being a musician myself, I was curious about what inspired him.

We talked for a bit and eventually arrived at his apartment and to my shock I was invited in. I described in colorful detail what his couch and living room looked. And during the conversation, I managed to embarrass myself by asking if I could massage his feet.

I was pleasantly surprised when he granted me my request and we spent most of the evening getting to know more about each other and what we liked as it related to music; favorite artists, songs, and various other aspect of music.

I ended the letter, thanking him for allowing me the opportunity to get to know him better and left my phone number and email at the bottom.

I honestly had no expectation that he would reply back to the letter as I assumed he receives hundreds of letters from other fans and even if he did manage to read mine, he would think that I was a bizarre fan who had similar interests in music. I also figured that the chances of Edward and I possibly becoming good friends or something more had too many things stacked against us.

First off, I had no clue if he was gay. Secondly, there was an age difference between the two of us with him being 24 and me being 34; I figured 10 years could be something difficult to overcome. And finally, why would a famous actor take the time out to call a stranger that sends him a letter detailing some dream they had.

_Holy Shit! I never asked Edward why he called me! WoW! Why have I not asked him about that?_

I was completely lost in my thoughts and didn't notice Edward standing in the living room until he asked me, "Penny for your thoughts?"

I look up startled a little bit and then say, "Hey Babe, I hope I didn't wake you? You looked so peaceful while you were sleeping this morning that I did not have the heart to nudge you out of bed. I just came out here and called my sister back. She left me a voicemail sometime last night."

I motion for him to come and sit down next to me on the couch. I give him a quick kiss on the lips and ask him, "You know something; I never did ask you why you called me in the first place."

Several emotions quickly cross his face, some of them too fast for me to focus on a specific one but I do notice that he appears to be nervous. I patiently wait for him to respond.

Edward glances down at his hands a couple of times before he looks back into my eyes and says, "Umm, well there were a couple of reasons to be honest. The first is probably how accurately you described my living room; the color of the couch, the coffee table and all that. I was a little freaked out at first but then I got to the part when you asked about massaging my feet, I could not help but laugh. It was the most unexpected request that I have ever been asked."

He looks down again at his hands and I notice that he is circling his thumbs around each other. He is obviously in uncomfortable territory so I gently rub the tops of his hands and say, "Babe, you can tell me anything and not worry about me laughing at you. However, if you are not comfortable or ready to share it right now, I understand."

He hesitates a moment and then says, "You are one of the first people that has really wanted to get to know me for who I am on the inside. Most other people want me to hug them; take a photo or sign autographs and such. You saw past the outside layer and wanted to know more about what was under it."

He still looks nervous but does not share anything else so I don't press him further.

_I hope soon, that he will feel comfortable enough around me to be able to share what he can't talk about now._

I decide that I should change the subject to help relieve some of his nervousness and ask, "How are you feeling about last night?"

To my surprise, he still appears to be nervous and I can't help but wonder if I may have pushed things along too quickly.

He grabs my hands that are rubbing his and squeezes them as he says, "To be honest, I am a little shocked that I have such strong feelings towards you, you being a guy I mean. I know I have wanted to find somebody special to be a part of my life but apparently—_he chuckles at this point_, I was looking in the wrong 'places'. And then I met you, another guy, and I start feeling these intense emotions towards you the moment I laid eyes on you and I just don't know what to think. I never imagined myself in this situation and I don't know where to go with it."

I hesitate in my response, "Do you still want to try and discover where our relationship can go?"

_I feel like I'm putting my heart out on the table right now and asking him to decide if he wants to keep it or crush it with a hammer._

He takes a few seconds to respond, "Umm, yeah I do but I'm also nervous about what my family will say about the two of us. My sister Rosalie and her husband Emmett are pretty conservative when it comes to the concept of two guys being together in a relationship. I'm pretty sure she will not be happy at all."

_Well, he didn't crush my heart, I think he wants to pick it up but it seems like he is not sure what to do with it. And his sister Rosalie is going to be major hurdle to overcome._

I pull Edward's hands towards me and motion for him to rest his head on my chest as I wrap my hands around him and say, "Babe, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make YOU feel comfortable with our relationship. The others in your family, we can worry about later."

He smiles up at me, letting some of the worry drop from his face as he says, "Thank you Jay, I appreciate your willingness to be patient with me. This is all just so new and sudden that I want to give it time to sink in and enjoy it."


	8. Babe, have you seen the remote?

**Chapter 8: Babe, have you seen the remote?**

I sit here with Edward wrapped warmly in my arms and I can't help but wonder if I will be able to wake up with him in my arms like this, every day.

_I want to be around him all the time and never let him out of my arms so badly that it almost hurts, deep inside my chest! However, I know that this not healthy for our relationship. He will need his space to think through things and his career will certainly take him away for periods of time. UGH, that is not going to be an easy time for me._

_Well, you can just enjoy the time you have with him today and hopefully tomorrow. You can deal with being apart when the time comes._

I lean into his hair, inhale his wonderful scent and whisper, "So Babe, what would you like to do today? Do you have any plans or do I get to keep you all to myself, locked away in your apartment?" A smirk forms on my face as I get another image of Snidely, twisting his mustache.

He turns his head up to look at me and sees the smirk on my face and gently laughs, "Maybe we could get some breakfast and coffee? I know a great little whole-in-the-wall diner not far from here that brews the best cup of coffee and their omelets are outstanding."

I smile back at him and say, "That sounds awesome, what time would you like to go?" His stomach lets out a little growl and a sheepish grin forms on his face, "Umm, how about we grab a shower and then head right out. I guess I am hungrier than I realized."

_Did he just say WE could take a shower together? I am so going to invent a new cereal called Eddie's Charms, and the logo will be Fucking Adorably Delicious!_

I stare at him a moment and inquire, "We?" The biggest smile stretches across my face.

He laughs again and says, "Damn Jay! You look like you just won the fucking Lotto or something." I can't wipe the grin off my face as I tell him, "You have no clue how much more awesome being with you is than a mere winning Lotto ticket ever could be."

He starts to get up from the couch and reaches out for my hand to pull me up and the 'Fuck-Me-Now' lopsided grin forms on his face and he says, "Come with me and we can discuss how you want to receive your payments, one 'lump' sum—_he places a heavy accent on the word Lump_—or 'spread' out over monthly payments."

_My dick twinges at the thought of him spreading out something other than my payments. I swear this man has a remote control to my dick and he enjoys pressing all of the buttons on it!_

We head towards the bathroom, with our hands still entwined and once we get inside I turn and face him and push him up against the wall pressing my lips into his. I run my tongue along his lower lip, begging for entrance to his wonderful mouth and he happily obliges. Our tongues wrap around each other and I suck his tongue into my mouth which he hungrily complies with.

I move my lips from his, down his jaw line nibbling and kissing along the way to his neck and ears. He lets out a lowly moan and then grabs my shoulders and pushes me against the opposite wall. He has a look of feral hunger in his eyes as he gives me a needful kiss.

I grab him by the waist and pull him as close to me as I can and yet it still doesn't feel close enough. Both of our erections are pressed up against each other and we start to grind our hips into one another.

_My mind begins to race through images of both Edward and I naked, wrapped in each other's arms on the floor of the bathroom, in his bed, on the couch, pressed up against the refrigerator in the kitchen; kissing and pressing our bodies tighter together._

I have to pull away from him to catch my breath and the intake of air helps clear my head momentarily as his lips move along my neck and he rubs his nose under my jaw and he begins kissing all along my throat. It takes everything I can muster to not just succumb to the overwhelming pleasure I feel in his arms but I know that we will need some food to sustain us and if we start of the morning like this, I will never let him leave his apartment. So I gently say to him, "Babe, you have no clue how hard it is—_He grinds into me again and a moan, "Ohhh Fuck!' escapes my lips_—it is to not just keep you here, in my—_God Damn he feels so good!_--arms all day and night but we should—_Fuck!!_—he then pulls back away from my neck and throat with a grin still on his face and says, "Oh really?"

My cheeks start to become red as I realize what I just said and I have to laugh a little and say, "Umm, I…what I meant was that what you were doing to me felt fucking amazing and all that got out was Fuck. I was not inferring that we should fuck right now."

_When did a 'Shy' button get installed on that damn remote?!?!_

He laughs at me and says, "You are so fucking cute when you are shy! And I know what you meant, I was just a little shocked that me kissing you that way would cause such a reaction in you."

I look at him right in the eyes and say, "Babe, I cannot begin to tell you how amazing it feels when you kiss me. Do you remember the kiss the other night when you had just taken a bite of the chocolate brownie and we kissed for several minutes?"

A huge grin forms on his face as he recalls that kiss and says, "Yeah!" I hesitate and say, "Well, the reason I pulled away from you was because your kiss was so fucktacular that I was just about to cum in my pants. That is the affect your kissing has on me."

_God Damnit! When did that remote get a truth button on it??!?_

I let my head drop a little and he reaches up a hand to my chin bringing me back into line of site with his piercing eyes and this time, his expression is one of amazement as he says, "Woah! And here I thought I really did not know what I was doing when it came to kissing another guy. Jesus! Really?? I almost made you cum right then?"

I sheepishly nod my head. That grin, yeah you know which one I'm referring to, the melt me into a pile of goo and suck me up with a straw, lopsided grin is there and he says, "Lets hop in the shower and pickup where we left off after dessert."

_I swear to God this man is going to test every last ounce of restraint I have to not just eat him alive right here and now!_

We quickly pull off our boxers and step into the shower as he turns on the water. The water is cold at first and I yelp a little as it hits my backside. He pulls me to the back of the shower, into his arms and says, "Here, let me see if I can warm you up a little bit."

He then starts kissing me along my neck and ears and slowly travels along my throat, gently nibbling and kissing each part. He gets to my chin and takes a nibble and then traces his tongue along my chin up to my lower lip. My mouth is now parted in anticipation for his tongue. But he just brushes his nose along my lips as I give it a kiss. He moves up to my eyebrows and I close my eyes as he begins kissing the ridge just under my eyebrow. I have completely forgotten that I'm standing in a shower at this point and all I can see, feel and smell is Edward, this wonderful representation sensuality, strength, and love all rolled into an amazing body.

He moves from my eyes back down the side of my face and to my ears and whispers into them, "Are you warming up yet?" I let out a load moan this time and say, "Oh fucking yeah! " He grins as if he is quite pleased with himself for getting this kind of reaction out of me.

His tongue and gentle kissing moves down my face, back along my jaw line until he reaches my lower lip and then ever so slowly, he begins to give me a very deep and passion filled kiss. I bring my hands up behind his neck as I pull him closer so I can kiss him as deeply as possible. He pulls my hips into his and I can feel my extremely hard dick pressed up against his own throbbing cock.

He continues kissing me deeply, each of us taking turns with our tongues in each other's mouths, nibbling our lips as we press our hips close together and grind slowly, up and down. It does not take long before I have to break away from our kiss and say, "Oh Babe, I'm going to cum, I'm so close!" I look into his eyes right then and I can tell that he is close too. I plunge in for one more deep kiss and then I can't hold it back any longer. I pull back and from deep inside my chest I growl, "FUCK!!!" I look right into his eyes as he is saying, "Fuck!!! Me too!" It takes all of my concentration and will power to not close my eyes and let the orgasm roll over my body but I must watch the expression on Edwards face as he cums with me. It is the most unbelievable site I have ever seen. The combination of the fantasmagoric feeling washing over my body from my own orgasm mixed with the fuckdorabalicious expression on Edwards face is something that I will never forget.

It is at this point that my legs are just about to give out and I have to press my hands up against the walls of the shower to keep from falling over into him. He grabs on to me as well, his own footing not quite stable. A few minutes pass with neither of us saying a word. Then we both look up into each other's eyes and he says, "Holy Fuck! I…umm…" I smile at him and say, "I know exactly how you feel Babe. That was too amazing for words!"

We rinse ourselves off, take turns washing each other's hair and applying soap all over one another. We rinse again just as the water starts to become cold and step out of the shower to towel off. I lean over towards him and give him a quick kiss on the lips and say, "I love you Babe!"

He smiles back at me gives me another quick kiss and says, "Let's get dressed I'm starved. As he turns to head into the bedroom, a moment of hurt crosses my face which I quickly dismiss.

_Don't get yourself all tied up in a knot just because he did not say I love you in return. This is still new for him and you need to give him time to adjust to the idea of being with you. You know he has strong feelings for you, he has already told you that._

_Just be patient and I'm sure he will be comfortable with those three….glorious words._


	9. Breakfast at Tif Mama's Cafe

**Chapter 9: Breakfast at Tif…Hell it was Mama's Cafe**

I try and make sure that I have completely erased the feelings of hurt from my face before I head into Edward's bedroom. I stop and stare at him as he finishes getting dressed. He is wearing black jeans and is rolling up the sleeves on a grey button-down shirt. He squeezes some kind of hair product into his hands and then runs his fingers through his hair in an attempt to bring some kind of order to the brown and bronze savannah that sits atop his glorious face.

_I imagine myself diving in a kelp bed of his hair, just swimming through the silky strands. _

He turns and catches me starring at him and asks, "What?" and laughs a little as he continues, "I can never get my hair to go anywhere, I don't know why I bother trying." I smile in return and say, "It looks perfectly fine right now."

I will myself forward and get dressed, pulling on my own jeans and then I look to him and inquire, "Babe, could I borrow a shirt from you?" A look of embarrassment forms on my face as he asks, "Did you not pack enough shirts in your backpack?" My cheeks start to warm up as they become pink and I drop my head a little and just stand there.

Edward walks over to me and cups his hand under my chin, pulling it up so he can look directly into my eyes and says, "Jay is something wrong?" I see the concern on his face and in his eyes and I finally have to speak, "No…it is just…you are going to laugh if I tell you." Some of the concern drops from his face but he does not release me from his stare and says, "No I won't, I promise." He kisses my forehead and continues, "You know you're so fucking cute when you blush?" He rubs his thumb along my cheek and I finally relax and tell him, "Well, I just wanted to wear one of your shirts so I can smell you and have something of yours close to me."

He then grabs me into his arms and says, "You never cease to amaze me. " I rest my head in the crook of his neck and inhale his wonderful scent and squeeze him tightly next to my body. He then pushes back just enough so he can look into my eyes and ponders, "Hmm, I think I have just the shirt for you." and then turns to head to his closet. He comes back with black pullover shirt that has very thin vertical ribbing pattern to it. He hands me the shirt and I pull it on over my head, grab a small handful of it and inhale the scent. I laugh at him and say, "Well not as good as the real thing but it will do."

He laughs too and says, "Black really does look hot on you." Then that throw me up against the wall and lick me from head to toe, lopsided grin is back as he pulls me into his arms and presses his lips against mine. I immediately open my mouth to allow his tongue entrance and wrap my tongue around his. I drop my hands down to his wonderful firm ass, give both cheeks a firm squeeze and pull him closer to me. Our breathing is starting to become heavy when all of a sudden; my stomach lets out a noise that sounds like I had eaten a lion.

His mouth opens wide in a grin as he says, "Down Simba! Let's go and grab some breakfast shall we?" He gives me one more kiss on the lips and then pulls away to grab some socks and begins putting them on along with his worn-out tennis shoes. I do the same and grab some gel and head into the bathroom and try to tame my own mane of hair and just decide on letting it fall where it wants to.

Edwards grabs his keys and starts to head for the door as I ask, "Is the diner within walking distance or do we need to drive?" He replies, "It is just a few blocks away, we can walk there." I follow him out the door as we head to the elevator and descend to ground floor. We exit through the glass double doors and head up the street.

I am walking right next to him and have an overwhelming urge to reach out and grab his hand but instead, ball mine into a fist to keep from doing just that.

_NO!! It is up to him to decide how public he wants to be about us, don't do anything to make him uncomfortable!_

After a few blocks we arrive at the diner and head inside. The waitress from behind the main counters says, "Grab a seat wherever you want guys; two coffees?" Edward says, "Yes please." He heads towards a booth as I follow and sit down across from him.

Edward's hand is resting on top of the table and I place mine on top of his and say, "If I have not already told you this, I want you to know how thankful I am that you and I are spending all this time together. I know you have an intense schedule and getting some free time is something of a luxury for you. These past 2 days have been the most amazing and awesome time I have ever experienced."

The waitress is heading towards our table with two coffees and some menus when Edwards quickly pulls his hand back from under mine and places it in his lap. Another look of hurt crosses my face which he catches before I can remove it fast enough.

The waitress says, "Here you boys go as she deposits our coffees and menus on the table. Today's specials are the spinach and swiss omelet and banana and pecan pancakes. I will give you a few minutes to decide and be right back."

After she leaves, Edward looks into my eyes with a pleading stare, "I'm sorry Jay, please don't be upset with me. I…I just panicked when the waitress was heading this way. I didn't know if I was ready for somebody to see me holding another guy's hand." I can tell that he is really frustrated with himself and I try and put on my most positive face and say, "It is all right Babe, I understand and I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable."

He then takes both of this feet and places one on each side of my left foot and gives it a squeeze and says, "This is all just…God this is tough to put into words…" he takes a deep breath and slowly exhales as he tries to get his emotions under control and continues, "I have never been good at handling public affection. Even when I was dating girls because you never know what kind of crap the Rags will publish based on a fleeting glance or an innocent conversation. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't want you to think that I'm embarrassed to be around you. I just don't want some tabloid rag to start printing bullshit about you and I because they will, believe me!"

Fortunately, the waitress returns and looks at me and asks, "What can I getcha hon?" I reply, "I will have the vegetarian omelet, no cheese and could I have tomatoes instead of hash browns?" She says, "No problem hon." She looks to Edward and he says, "I will have the omelet special please, with home fries and a side order of crispy bacon." She jots down our order and then heads back to the kitchen.

_I sit there and struggle with my inner feelings of hurt as it wars with my common sense. _

We sit in relative silence; each lost in our own thoughts when the waitress returns with our food and places it before us.

_You knew he was an actor from the start. It is not his fault that he has a reputation to look out for and stop feeling so damn crushed because he is not calling out your name to everybody within hearing distance._

_But that is what I want to do! I want everybody to know what a wonderful man he is and that he and I are…Shit! What are we?_

I look up from my plate and realize Edward has not even touched his omelet and he is just staring at me with pleading eyes and he asks, "Jay, please say something, anything!" I look directly into his eyes and say, "Babe, I'm sorry too. This is new to me as well. I mean, I have been in past relationships but this one is so different from those. I have never wanted to be with somebody so much and want others to know that we are together. But I do understand that you need some time to adjust to this. I just need to ask you one question and then I can put this behind me." I pause and try and figure out how I want to phrase my question, "Edward, Babe, are we…umm…how, what do you think we have together?"

_Damn It! Why can't I get my brain to think straight and get a coherent thought out?!?!_

_I don't know, when did you ever listen to me?_

_I'm going insane, I'm having arguments with myself!_

Edward looks a little confused, like he is trying to decipher my babbling question and says, "If you mean, what do I see between me and you then I can honestly say, I have no desire to see or date anybody else. I would like to consider us…" he pauses a moment as he tries out a new word, "boyfriends?"

_It is all I can do to restrain myself from jumping across the table and grabbing his beautiful face and giving him the most passion filled kiss possible!_

As he says that magical word, my face lights up and I forget about all the angst that I was previously dealing with and say, "Babe, that is all I need to know. I know this will be tough for both of us as we adjust to where our relationship goes but knowing that you want to go through it with me, as your boyfriend…" I can't help but smile when saying that, "I'm positive we can make this work."

We finish eating our breakfast, our moods elevated from the dismal depths they were previously. The waitress returns and asks if we want anything else. We both shake our heads and she inquires, "Will this be one check or two?" I pull out my wallet, hand her my credit card and tell her, "One please." She then heads off to the cash register.

Edwards turns to me and says, "You did not have to do that, especially after the wonderful dinner you prepared last night. At least let me pay for breakfast." I smile at him and say, "You can make it up to me tonight for dinner. You pick the place and I promise to keep my wallet in my pocket." I take a sip of my coffee and notice that Edward has that fucktastic, lopsided grin on his face again as he starts to slide his left foot up the inside of my leg and then gently applies pressure to my crotch with his shoe saying, "I hope you are not planning on keeping that in your pocket later tonight."

_Holy Shi…cough_

I practically spit out my coffee on the table as I choke on it. We both start to blush at this point and can't help but laugh out loud which draws the attention of the waitress in our direction. From her angle, I'm pretty sure she can see where Edward's leg was perched and she smiles. I quickly wipe up the spilled coffee with my napkin and give Edward a glare, "You did that on purpose!" He still has that delicious grin on his face as he replies, "Next to your blushing cheeks when you are embarrassed about something, I just love seeing shock even more!"

We slide out of the booth and head out the door heading up the street. I lean into him and whisper, "You know she saw that little stunt of yours don't you?" He looks back at me with some shock in his eyes, "She did?" I nod my head and reply, "She had the perfect angle to see what was going on under our table. His face drops a little as he says, "Oh Shit." I then jab him in the side, causing him to jump a little and successfully get the chagrin off his face and tell him, "She smiled at the two of us." A smile forms on his face as he asks, "Really?" I say, "Yep!"

_Hmm, maybe it won't be as bad as he thinks, coming out to other people. _

_My thoughts drift to Rosalie…yeah, she might be bad. I hope it is not as bad as he thinks it will be._


	10. My Boyfriend the Actor

**Chapter 10: My Boyfriend the Actor**

We take our time walking back to Edward's apartment, enjoying the sunny and comfortable day. Once we are back inside, Edward turns to me and inquires, "What do you think of dinner at Ruth's Chris Steak House tonight?" I look at him and say, "I guess you really want to make up for dinner and breakfast huh? I love Ruth's but you don't have to pick one of the best steak restaurants in the area."

I'm looking directly into his eyes, waiting for him to respond as I see several emotions playing through him at once. There is intense happiness, followed by wonderment, joy and finally a tinge of sadness. I ask, "Babe, are you ok?"

He looks at me and finally shares, "I am just a little overwhelmed at the moment. This weekend has been one filled with so many intense emotions; amazing surprises and has me thinking in directions that I never thought I would be following. And I am also saddened that I will need to leave early tomorrow morning to catch my flight up to Seattle. That is why I want to take you out to a nice dinner tonight as a way of thanking you for all that you have done for me. I know that a nice dinner is not even going to come close to adequately expressing how I feel about you but I hope it is a start."

_Oh dear God, here they come…those emotions that are intimately tied with loss and being alone. _

_Damn it Jasper! Stop this right this second! He is not leaving you permanently, he has a career and you can't expect him to drop everything so the two of you can be together._

Due to my inner turmoil I feel my heart jump right into my throat as I try and ask, "Umm, how long will you be gone?"

_If you so much as shed one single tear at this moment, I swear I am going to give you an aneurism right here on the spot!_

"When do you think we will be able to see each other again?" It is taking every ounce of my will power to get my brain to overwrite what my heart wants to do right now which is run into his arms, grab him close and cry on his shoulder.

Edward sits down on the couch and I can tell that he sees the struggle that is going on inside me as he motions for me to come and sit down next to him. He gently grabs my hand, squeezes it tightly and then starts rubbing circles on the back of it as I lower my head so I don't have to look directly into his eyes. I know that if I do, he will see the pain I'm going through and I don't want him to feel responsible for that pain. He cups his other hand under my chin and slowly lifts my face up so I have no choice but to look him in the eyes.

"Jay, I know this is going to be hard on you but you have to promise me something ok?" He captures my eyes with his own and I say, "Sure, whatever you want Babe." He then continues, "Please don't give up all of yourself; your friends and family, your career just to be with me. There are some amazing qualities about you Jay that I find very attractive and the most important one is who you are as an individual. There are going to be many times when I am going to need to go away for days, weeks and maybe even months depending on the next movie I'm working on. I need to know that you will be comfortable with this and willing to live your own life and not just mine. Does this make any sense?"

_Holy Crap! Either I'm a glass window that he can easily see right through or Edward has some kind of ESP!_

I sit there, dumbfounded for a few seconds before I respond, "Edward…I, I don't know how you know that about me?" A look of sadness appears as he says, "I have seen some of the signs before. My ex girlfriend, Bella was just like you in a lot of ways. She and I became very close, quickly and she started changing aspects of her life. She would not spend time with her other friends, she did not want to visit with her father, she stopped going to college; all she wanted to do was spend time with me and nobody else. It was then that I realized that if I didn't do something soon, she would lose herself completely and become entirely dependent on me. Jay, I don't want that with you! I want you to walk beside me as an equal and not somebody that is following behind me. My relationship with Bella became unbalanced and eventually, both of us began to suffer."

He squeezes my hand tightly as he says, "I NEED to know that you are willing to be an equal with me Jay, I don't think I can go down the path I did with Bella again!" His eyes are beginning to water over as he is overcome with his emotions.

_Jasper! This is a major fucking moment in your life. This man is putting his heart out on the line and so help me, if you fuck this up, I will give you the worst case of turrets you have ever seen!_

_Now get your shit together and tell this man that you are going to make this work, even if it kills you!_

I brush my fingers along his cheeks and wipe away some of the tears that are now falling down his face and grab both of his hands in mine. I pull them up in front of the two us, squeeze them as tightly as I can and look deep into his eyes and say, "Edward, while it is true that I want to be with you more than anything else I have ever wanted in my life. I promise you!" I squeeze his hands even tighter to emphasize my sincerity, "I promise that I will use everything within me to ensure that I do not lose sight of who I am. I will be that equal that walks beside you and not behind you."

A smile spreads across his face and he pulls me close to him as he kisses me softly on the lips and then says, "Thank you Jasper! That means more to me than you will ever know. Now why don't we watch a movie and please, pick something that is uplifting"

I decide on 'Pretty Woman' not even realizing the character Richard Gere portrays is also named Edward. Just about half way through the movie, Edward looks over at me with that, yeah you know it, you love it, can't live without it, lopsided grin and says, "So how much is this weekend going to cost me?" I can't help but laugh as I answer him, "Just you on a white horse coming to my rescue oh great Knight!" We laugh and snuggle into each other's arms to finish watching the movie.

After the movie is over, we still have a few more hours before dinner time so I reluctantly lean forward; pulling myself out of his arms and stand up. I head over to the keyboard he has in the left portion of the living room. There is a chair seated in front of it. I look down and notice that it is a Yamaha YPG-625 Keyboard and say, "WoW! This is an amazing keyboard, I have always wanted one." I look back towards Edward with pleading in my eyes and ask, "Babe, would you mind playing something for me? I have never had the opportunity to listen to you play." He smiles and heads over to the keyboard, sits down and asks, "Any particular requests?" I laugh and suggest, "Nothing specific, just improvise something that expresses your current mood."

He thinks for a moment and then starts experimenting with different refrains and finally established a base line that he builds upon. I kiss him on the side of his neck and head back to the couch and lie down, closing my eyes so I can focus on nothing but the amazing sounds emanating from his fingers. The music is raw and pure; it is as if he is pouring his emotions directly into it. I can feel as well as hear the diversity of those emotions and realize that there is so much more to this wonderful man than I ever thought possible.

_I must find a way to share my own music with him. Something that I can give, that will be his and his alone. I immediately know the title of the piece I will compose for him, 'Jasper's Heart'._

The music continues flowing as he ranges from bluesy jazz to classical to something that is quite unique and can only be called Edward.

_As my mind soars through the glorious sounds pouring out, I picture the two of us lying on a comforter, making love for the first time to his music._

He plays well over an hour and a half and when he finally brings my own private concert to an end, he gets up from the keyboard and comes back to the couch, leans down gives me the most amazing kiss, filled with those same emotions he poured into his playing. I sit up; still keeping his lips locked with mine and pull him down to sit on my lap. He places his legs around my waist and we continue the emotionally charged kiss for another couple of minutes.

When our lips finally part, I cup my hands on the sides of his head and look into his ocean filled eyes and say, "Edward, you are the most fucking amazing person I have ever met! Just when I think I'm getting to know who you are, you share another delightful part of yourself. You have the heart of a musician and express your emotions so eloquently through you playing. Thank you!"

I look of wonderment and then shock forms on his face as he says, "How, how did, how can you know that?"

_His wonderful breath is like cologne that I just want to bottle up and call it Eau de Fuck Me!_

A grin forms on my face as I tell him, "I too, know my way around the piano and believe me, what you just played was the most amazing, soundful expression of ones emotions that I have ever encountered."

He looks into my eyes and asks, "Will you play something for me?" I pull him into me for a quick but deep kiss and then tell him, "I promise to play you something the next time we are together. You can think of it as my way of ensuring that you will want to see me when you get back from Seattle. Speaking of which, you never mentioned when you would be returning?"

Edward laughs and says, "Believe me; I will definitely be looking forward to that upon my return. I should be up there for no more than a week. Now let's get ready for dinner shall we?" We head into his bedroom and once again, I find myself standing there at the doorway watching him get undressed, unable to move. His arms have the perfect amount of muscle tone to them, nothing too bulky or skinny just well formed enough to wrap around ones waist. His chest looks like it was carved by a sculptor, with his wonderful alabaster pecks and beautiful flat stomach and a light brown trail of hair leading down into his boxers. I could just run my hands up and down his chest and abdomen all night long.

Just then he looks back at me and catches me staring and says, "Hurry up Jay, you can undress me with your eyes when we get back from dinner, we will be late for our reservations." He heads to his closet and comes back with a khaki colored pair of pants and hands them to me. My cheeks are pink from him catching me starring at him and he says, "Too fucking cute!" He pinches my cheeks and then gives me a quick kiss on the lips and continues, "Try these on, we are about the same size and it will go well with the shirt you are wearing."

I unbutton my jeans and remove them. I then look up to catch his eyes starring this time and a grin forms on my face as I say, "See something you like?" And the FAD™ (Fucking Adorably Delicious) grin is back as he grunts, "Uh huh!" And then he shakes his head as he refocuses and finishes buttoning up his shirt.

We both are standing in front of the mirror, running our hands through our hair, trying to get them into some kind of order and at the same time we say, "Fuck it!" and turn and laugh at each other. We grab our wallets and other items and head out the door. I suggest we take my car and we both get in. I'm inputting the restaurant information into my GPS when Edward asks, "I love this car, what year is it?" I reply, "It is a 2008 BWM 335, I bought it last year as a present to myself for receiving my 10 year service reward from my company."

We spend the next 15-20 minutes talking about what I do for my job (I'm a Technology Architect…basically a guy who implements software and systems for our company); how I came to work for them and what my interests are related to working with technology.

We arrive at Ruth's and have the valet park the car as we head up the stairs to dinner. The hostess shows us to our table which has an amazing view. Edward hands me the wine list and says, "Why don't you pick out a wine for us and don't you dare try and find the cheapest one on the list!" He gives me a stern glare with his eyes but I can see the laughter behind them. When the waiter comes over to take our order, I suggest a bottle of Silver Oak Cabernet and order the Filet Mignon, medium rare. Edward orders the Filet as well and selects a couple of side dishes; fresh asparagus and roasted garlic mashed potatoes. The waiter shares, "In addition to our normal dessert menu, the chef is preparing a special Molten Chocolate Lava Cake. It takes 45 minutes to prepare so if you are interested, I can place that order now with your meal."

_Holy chocolate fucking goodness!_

We both look at each other, nodding our heads and Edward says, "Yes! One please."

I glance around the room and my eyes stop at a table of four; two younger men obviously having dinner with their girlfriends. The two girls are leaning close to each other whispering something and I catch one of them pointing in our direction. One of the girls pushes the other with her shoulder, motioning for her to get up. She stands and starts timidly heading our way. I briefly turn my head towards Edward and whisper, "Incoming! 6'o clock" Edward looks up and puts on a smile as the girl approaches.

She is very nervous as she looks at Edward and asks, "Umm, are…are you Edward Cullen?" Edward smiles at her and says, "Yes I am. Is there something I can help you with?" She turns back towards her table to see the other girl waving this way and then turns back to Edwards and asks, "Could, umm, I get your autograph?" Edward says, "Sure, do you have a pen and something I can write on?" The girl frantically begins looking through her purse and finds a pen but nothing to write on. A look of panic forms on her face and she quickly races back to her table, grabs a cocktail napkin from under one of their drinks and returns to our table.

Edward inquires, "Whom shall I make this out to?" She blushes and says, "Jessica". Edward signs the napkin and hands it back to her. She then heads back to her table and the two girls are practically squealing with delight.

The waiter returns with our bottle of wine, opens it and pours some into our glass. He hesitates and then looks at Edward and asks, "I'm sorry but I just have to ask, are you Edward, Edward Cullen?" Edward smiles again and replies, "Yes I am." The waiter's face lights up with a broad smile as he says, "Well, I just wanted to say that I loved you in Heart of a Piano, it was an amazing movie. " Edward smiles and replies, "Thank you very much. I enjoyed working with the other actors and the director, she was amazing."

_My boyfriend the actor…this must be how Michael Angarano feels when people come up to Kristen all the time and ask for her autograph._

I chuckle escapes causing Edward to turn his head towards me and ask, "What is so funny?" I smile and reply, "Well, I'm just glad it is you that is the famous one and not me. I'm just happy to sit back and watch as your adoring fans come to pay homage to the famous Edward Cullen." He gives me an evil glare and responds with a voice dripping in sarcasm, "Thanks!" I laugh some more and whisper, "Babe, I'm just kidding; I love the fact that my boyfriend is an actor." He glances around nervously and then a smile returns to his face as he says, "Thank you for understanding."

Our main course finally arrives and we are able to enjoy it without any further interruptions from Edwards adoring fans. The waiter returns to pour the rest of our wine and as he heads away, I tell Edward, "Remember to save some for dessert." I look right at him and give him and evil wink.

After we finish our fantabulous dinner, dessert arrives and we both begin to drool like rabid dogs at the heavenly smell of chocolate and espresso that is wafting up from the Chocolate Fucking Goodness before us.

_I make a mental note to fill out a comment card suggesting that they change the name of this dessert to Chocolate Fucking Goodness!_

We each cut into the cake with our forks as molten heaven pours out from the insides. If chocolate could have an orgasm, this is what it would look like. We take a luscious bite and then a sip of the wine and I'm instantly transported back to the previous night's dessert on Edward's couch. I immediately get an uncontrollable urge to leap across the table and lock my lips with his as I look up into his eyes. I'm shocked as I see the same hunger in his eyes as well!

_He looks so amazingly, fuckable right now! _

I look around to make sure nobody is within hearing distance and lean towards him and whisper, "You have no fucking idea how badly I want you right now!" My erection is now painfully straining against my pants. The OMG bend me over the table right now, lopsided grin is on his face as he whispers, "Oh, believe me, I can think of a few ideas right now myself."

_Where in the hell is our waiter with that damn check!?!?!?_

The waiter finally returns and asks, "So how is the dessert?" I tell him, "Please let the chef know that this Chocolate Fucking Goodness is the best damn thing ever! Oh and can we have the check please?"

The waiter chuckles at my response and drops the check on the table and is still laughing as he heads back to the kitchen. Edward tosses in his credit card without even looking at the total. The waiter returns and says, "The Chef loved your name suggestion!" He picks up the check and returns shortly for Edward to sign the credit card receipt.

We then head downstairs, pickup my car from the valet; Edward beats me to the tip—_Damn him and his lightning fast fingers!_. We both get into the car and on the drive home; Edward places his left hand on my right leg and slides it up ever so close to my crotch, giving it a gentle squeeze. My dick springs back to life again just from the heat of his touch. He leans over to me and says, "So…what were you thinking about during dessert?"


	11. I thought you would never ask!

**Chapter 11: I thought you would never ask!**

We made it back to Edward's apartment in record time. The fact I didn't get a speeding ticket was a miracle! He opens the door, lets me go in before him—_always the gentleman._ Then steps inside, closes the door and pushes me up against it. His lips crash into mine as his tongue runs along my lower lip, asking for entrance which I happily grant him. He presses his body up against mine, crushing me against the door and I place one hand behind his neck and draw him in for a deeper kiss. My other hand moves down to his lower back as I try and pull him even closer to me.

His tongue moves from my wet mouth to travel along my jaw line, nibbling and kissing until he reaches my ear. He sucks in my earlobe and gently bites down on it. I let out a lowly moan as my hands move up to his hair and grab a handful. His tongue starts to trace circles around the outside of my ear and he breathes huskily into it asking, "So what were you thinking about during dessert tonight?"

_Chocolate Fucking Goodness! All I can think of is Edward covered in chocolate as I get to taste every part of his body with my tongue!_

All I can say is, "Come with me my luscious dessert and I will show you." I grab his left hand and turn so my back is facing him. I motion for him to give me his other hand and I wrap them tightly around my chest and waist. He presses up against me and I can feel his wonderfully hard dick press into my backside. He starts to nibble along my neck and shoulders as I slowly walk us towards the bedroom.

Once we reach the bedroom, I stop and turn around, still in his arms and press my lips into his. We take turns wrapping our tongues around one another; nibbling and sucking both our upper and lower lips. My tongue then moves down along his jaw, to his neck as I lick and kiss his throat. My hands move to his nipples and I give them a gentle twist and a squeeze. I kneel down before him, still keeping my hands on his nipples. They are hard as marbles now and he leans his head back and says, "Fuck that feels amazing!" I grab his shirt in my teeth and pull it up, out from his pants. I then push part of it up with my nose, exposing his wonderful abs. I run my tongue along the edge of his pants, kissing and licking from one hip to another.

Edward's hips slowly push forward in response to my tongue's probing. I let my hands drop from his nipples to the bottom of his shirt; I slowly stand up, bringing his shirt with me. He lifts his hands over his head so I can remove it. I lean into his chest and run my tongue around his left nipple. I suck it into my mouth, running my tongue all around it. His hands reach over my back as he pulls my shirt up. I stand up just briefly for him to remove my shirt and then return back to his nipples. I move to the right one and repeat my previous work. This time, I gently bite down on it and Edward lets out the most amazing sound, "Fuuuu…aaaargghh….uuck!!!" It sounds like a lion trying to growl the word Fuck. I feel like he just mashed every fucking button on my dick's remote control at once.

_Whoa! That was a fucking awesome sound. I will have to make him growl like that often!_

I push him back into the bed and quickly remove his shoes and socks. I then rub my hands up along the inside of his legs, squeezing them as I work my way up. My hands reach the straining beauty, begging to escape from the confines of his pants. I cup my hands around his balls and then move up to grasp his wonderful cock. I give it a firm squeeze and another moan escapes his lips.

I then unbutton his pants, slowly pulling the zipper down and open them just enough so that I see his dick push up inside his boxers. I lean my head down placing my lips over just the tip and breathe out a warm exhale. His dick pulses against my lips and Edward lets out with a, "Oh fucking yeah!" A shit eating grin forms on my face as I say "Looks like somebody is anxious to come out and play." He lifts his head slightly and replies, "Please Jay…it really wants to come out and play!"

_It takes all my self control to not just rip his fucking boxers off with my teeth and dive into his wonderfully throbbing cock!_

I lift the waistband of his boxers up and over his beautiful member and he thrusts his waist into the air, so I can pull both his boxers and pants down his legs and toss them on the floor. I lean back in and run my tongue from the base of his cock, slowly up its entire length until I reach the tip. There is some delicious pre-cum leaking out which I happily lick up as I take just his head into my warm mouth. I run my tongue around his head and he thrust his hips up into my mouth, showing me that he wants me take more of him into my wet lips. I slowly work my mouth down his shaft until my nose reaches his base and I moan, sending vibrations running all along his dick. Edward lets out a load moan this time and says, "Fuck…ing…Hell!!!" I start to increase my pace and his hips begin thrusting up as I go down on him, timing them so he reaches the back of my throat. It is not long before he says, "Oh Jay, I'm so fucking close!" And then I lift my head up and he looks up at me with whimper and a plea in his eyes. I tell him, "Keep that thought right there, I will be right back in a couple of minutes and don't you dare move from this spot!

I quickly head into the kitchen, open the refrigerator and find what I am looking for. I grab the container of left over ganache and place it in the microwave for 1 minute. It finally beeps and I pull it out and test the temperature with my finger. It is perfect, not too hot nor too cold. I head back towards the bedroom with a huge grin on my face…_Chocolate Fucking Goodness!_

Edwards is still lying on the bed but he has prompted himself up on his elbows as I enter. He sees the grin stretching from ear to ear on my face and lifts an eyebrow as he inquires, "And just what were you doing in the kitchen and what is that you have in your hand?" I dip my index finger in the chocolate sauce and then move towards his mouth, his lips are already parted and I place my finger along his lower lip. His tongue comes out and licks some of the sauce and then he sucks my finger into his mouth. I let him enjoy wrapping his tongue around my finger and my own arousal begins to strain my pants. I pull my finger out, set the sauce down on the dresser and start to unbutton my pants.

I see that he is watching me so I make each motion slow and deliberate. As I unzip my pants and slowly open them up, I run my hands down into them and grab a handful of my own hard dick and let my head fall back. I remove my shoes and socks so I can step out of my pants and then rub myself some more through my boxers. Edwards starts to sit up and I quickly motion for him to stay. I drop my boxers, letting my dick stand out fully at attention. I grab the chocolate sauce from the dresser and had back towards him. I test the temperature again and it is still warm. I place my hand on his chest and gently push him back into the bed. I then pour a little drop of ganache on his left nipple and move down with my lips and suck it in. I play with his nipple, moving the chocolate around in my mouth with my tongue and then I gently bite down and look up into his eyes. His head pushes back into the bed and he lets out with that fucktastic growl again!

I start moving down his chest, kissing along the way until I reach his glorious cock. He looks up again with an inquisitive look on his face. I pour a few drops of the sauce along his length and look up into his eyes and say, "Chocolate Fucking Goodness!" I then run my tongue along the backside of his cock, licking up every drop of chocolaty delight. I reach his head and quickly suck all of him inside my mouth and savor the delicious taste of Chocolate Covered Edwardy Goodness! I moan again with him deep inside my throat and am rewarded with a gasp of, "Fucking Chocolate…God Damn!"

I move up to give Edward a taste and give him a very deep kiss as I suck his tongue into my mouth. We both moan at the same time. We kiss hungrily for several minutes until I finally break away to catch my breath. I then kiss my way back down his chest and abdomen until I reach his throbbing member. I wrap my lips around his shaft and begin working up and down, timing my rhythm to his upward thrusts. It does not take him long as I can feel his cock begin to pulse deep in my throat and he moans loudly, "Jay! Fuck! Cumming!" It is like he has forgotten how to speak an entire sentence!

_Holy Shit! Did I just make him forget how to speak? You sure as hell did!_

He explodes in my mouth and I keep him deep in my throat until I'm sure I have every last bit of cream-filled goodness. I then look up from where I am at with the widest grin, placing a delicate kiss on the base of his dick and say, "And _THAT_ is what I was thinking about during dessert!" He leans up on his shoulders and just stares at me with very wide eyes not saying a word for a moment.

_Nice work Einstein, you just blew his mind into nothingness!_

He finally remembers how to speak and says, "Umm…Fuck! I uh…can honestly say that I have never been somebody's dessert before but Hot Fucking Damn! If that wasn't the hottest feeling I have ever experienced!" I can't help but smile ever wider as I respond, "I know exactly how you feel Babe! Whenever I am around you, I have all these wonderful and often…" I can feel my cheeks begin to warm as I continue, "umm, extremely erotic ideas and I just want to experience them with you."

I see his own cheeks start to turn pink as he reluctantly admits, "Uh…I, I have also had similar thoughts about you."

_Well Fuck Me into next week! If that isn't the hottest damn thing, he has sexual fantasies about me! I am just going to melt into a puddle right on the floor!_

I inch my way up the bed and ask, "Care to share any?" He blushes a darker shade of pink and says, "Well, umm..." He motions that I should come and sit on his chest. I happily comply and wait for his next instruction. "I, uh would love to watch you…Fuck, I can't believe I'm saying this; I really want to see you cum on my chest." He drops his head back into the bed as the embarrassment is a little too much for him. I lean forward so my eyes are in line with his and say, "Babe, there is nothing that I would not do for you willingly. All you have to do is ask."

I then arrange myself so I am in a comfortable position on my knees and I lightly sit on his abs and begin rubbing my chest and pinching my nipples until they become hard. I then slowly move my hands down my chest and abs until I reach my dick. I take my left hand, palm up in front of Edward's face and tell him, "Lick my hand Babe!" He happily complies and licks from my palm up to the tip of my index finger. I then wrap my moist left hand around my shaft and slowly start pumping up and down on it. I start to increase my pace and accentuate with upward thrusts of my hips. I toss my head back as I start to get into the feeling of it and imagine Edward sucking on my hard dick.

Edward reaches up to pinch both of my nipples as I let out a moan, "Fuck yeah Babe!" I increase my pumping and I can begin to feel my orgasm drawing closer. I say, "I'm so close!" He then slides his hands down my chest and over the top of my pumping hand indicating that he wants me to stop. I look at him and see the hungry look in his eyes and happily remove my hand from around my pulsing cock. He then licks his own hand and grabs a firm hold of my cock and starts pumping me at a fast pace. My head falls back again as I let the electrical warmth that is radiating from his hand, flow through me. It does not take him long before he brings me right to the brink and I yell, "Fuck Babe! I'm going to cum!!" He commands in a deep husky voice, "Kiss me! Now!" I lean down and push my tongue into his mouth, thrusting several more times into his fist. The combination of kissing him and thrusting pushes me over the edge and I shoot my load onto his chest. All I can see are white spots and I have to pull away from his lips to catch my breath.

When I can finally see, I look right into his eyes and say, "Thank you! That was, it was…WOW!" A huge grin forms on his face as he realizes the amount of pleasure he just gave me.

_God Damn Amazing! His smile is so beautiful; I think I could cum again if I had not just done that a few minutes ago!_

I'm still riding my high when he says, "How about we rinse off in the shower?" I climb off of his chest and grab his hand to drag him with me towards his shower. He turns the water on and once the steam starts to roll out, he steps in. I quickly follow and we take turns washing each other's hair and soaping up each other's bodies. We then rinse off and I grab him from behind, wrapping my hands tightly around his chest and press him as close to my body as possible. I hold him there for a few minutes, not saying a word but hopefully communicating to him how much he means to me through my warm embrace. I finally let him go and he turns around to face me and gives me a deep passion filled kiss.

_Yep, he got the message!_

He turns off the water and we step out of the shower and towel off. He wraps his towel around his waist and heads into the bedroom. I do the same and sit on the edge of the bed. He goes to his closet and pulls out a suitcase and places it on the bed. He begins to start pulling out clothes and neatly arranging them in the suitcase. He pauses a moment and says, "Jay, I wish I didn't have to leave so early in the morning but my flight is at 7:00 AM, so I need to get things packed now. Would you mind dropping me off at the airport?" I respond, "Of course I would be happy to Babe!" He heads back into the bathroom to pack up his toiletries and I quickly grab a pen and piece of paper from his nightstand and scratch out a note:

_Babe-  
I just want you to know that you will always be in my thoughts while you are gone. I can't begin to tell you how much this past weekend has meant to me but I am looking forward to showing you when you get back.  
All my Love,  
J~_

I quickly hide the note under some of his socks, hoping that he will not see it before he leaves. He comes back into the bedroom and places his toiletry bag in the suitcase. He zips it up and then places it just outside his bedroom door. He comes back in, walks over to me and gives me another passion filled kiss on the lips. His tongue is wonderfully warm as I suck it into my mouth. We kiss for several minutes until he pulls away to catch his breath and says, "Let's get some sleep; we have to get up pretty early.

He grabs my towel from around my waist as well as his and tosses them into the hamper in the corner. We both crawl into bed and I wrap myself around him fitting together like two perfect spoons. As I'm starting to drift off to sleep, I sigh and say, "Chocolate Covered Edwardy Goodness." He squeezes my arms and then I drift off to sleep.

The alarm goes off at 4:00 AM and we both get up and get dressed. I grab all my stuff and shove it into my backpack as he grabs his suitcase and we head out the door and down to my car. The drive to LAX is relatively quiet and Edward looks over to me and inquires, "Penny for your thoughts?" I smile and say, "Just thinking about when you will be returning. Umm, do you want me to pick you up from the airport?" He ponders for a moment before responding, "You don't need to do that. That is a long drive to pick me up from the airport." He sees the crushed look upon my face and says, "But you can come up that evening and we can have dinner. This time it is my turn to cook!" A huge smile returns to my face as I say, "That sounds wonderful, I can't wait!"

We reach the airport and I step out of the car to help him get his suitcase from the trunk. He looks at me with an expression of frustration and compassion. It is as if he wants to give me a kiss but doesn't feel comfortable doing so on the crowded street. I grab him for a quick hug and whisper in his ear, "Hurry back Babe!" and let him go before the hug becomes too awkward. He smiles and grabs his suitcase and heads inside.

I slowly get back into my car and pull away from the curb. I quickly dial my phone and say, "Alice, can we talk?"


	12. Alice, I love you!

**Chapter 12: Alice, I love you!**

I spend the hour and half drive back to San Diego rethinking all that happened over the past couple of days. The shock of receiving the call from Edward in the first place to the instant emotional pull I felt towards him when I first saw him standing in the doorway. The fact that he actually has some feelings for me and how unfuckingly believable he makes me feel when he kisses me not to mention other things he makes me feel.

_Did I move to fast with him? Did I pressure him into doing something that he didn't want to do? Does he really have feelings for me beyond just simple lust? Will he want to see me again when he gets back? Am I really falling in love with him? How can that be after just a few days?_

_Tap, tap Mind if I get a word in here? _

_Oh great, now the insanity begins! Oh well, let's hear it!_

_Several times, you made a point to let him know that you wanted to move at a pace that HE was comfortable with. You slowed down the heat of passion to ensure he was ready to move forward with next intimate moment you two shared. Sure, there was a hell of a lot great moments and part of that can be attributed to your mutual hormones but there obviously was something more, an inner desire that continued to pull the two of you together._

_You already know the answer to your question about his desire to see you again, he made a point to invite you back for dinner and he even is going to cook it for you! If that isn't desire, then you are dumber than you…err I, um whatever, you know what I mean!_

_And finally, do you really want me to answer the question about falling in love? Because if you do, I can come up with a wonderful formula that explains what love truly is. A series of chemical reactions taking place in your body that impact…_

_Oh shut the fuck up! Crap, did I just tell myself to STFU? God I need help. _

_And you are too damn attached to him for your own good!_

_Shut it!_

I decided right then to drive to Alice's house instead of heading home. She is the only one that can help me sort out this crazy mess that I have gotten myself into.

I pull up in front of Alice's house and I'm happy to see the yellow Porsche in her driveway. I get out of my car and head up the walkway and just as I'm about to knock on the door, she opens it and jumps into my arms. She almost knocks me over but I manage to grab her around her waist and keep from losing my balance. She says, "I'm so glad you stopped by! I knew you would come here first, you just couldn't wait to spill the beans on your hot-n-heavy weekend." She wiggles her eyebrows when she says 'hot-n-heavy'.

I laugh and give her a tight squeeze and put her down in front of me as I say, "Let's go inside, and get something to drink, this is going to take a couple bottles of wine and maybe even a shot or two!" She looks at me with a curious look but then turns around and practically skips into her house. I quickly follow and shut the door behind me.

I head to the huge oversized red chair in the living room and toss myself on it, sitting sideways with my feet hanging over one of the arms. I remove my shoes and socks and try my best to relax. Alice returns to the living room with a bottle of chardonnay and two glasses. She hands me a filled glass and says, "It is Le Crema with an ice cube, your favorite." I grin at her and think to myself…

_I am so overjoyed that the two of us have grown so close to one another. I can hardly believe that as we grew up, how different she was from me. I was the studious 'brain-type' with few friends and knew my most of my teachers by their first names. She was the ever popular Ms. Pep-Rally, with more friends than I could count and very little focus on her academic studies._

_Who knew that we both would come to rely so heavily on each other? It was Alice who had been there for me when I was getting ready to come out to my parents, Charlie and Rene. She had approached me that morning and said that they would be ok with me telling them. I looked at her confused and asked, "Tell them what?" She replied, "That you are gay of course! Don't be so naïve Jay, I have known for years. That longing look you would give some of my boyfriends, especially Mike Newton." She hugged me then and told me," I love you no matter what and mom and dad will too!" From then on out, we were always confidants for each other. Through my breakups and hers, we would be there for the other with a shoulder to cry on._

Alice asks, "Quarter for your thoughts? I know there is more than a penny worth going on in there!" She pulls me out of my reminiscing and I have to laugh a little as I respond, "Yeah, I was just thinking back to that day I came out to mom and dad and how much it meant to me that you were there and that you loved me for who I was. I don't think I tell you this enough Alice but I really do love you and you have always been there for me!" My eyes start to tear up as some of the emotions begin to overwhelm me.

_I can feel the emotional waters pressing up against the dam of my self control, some of them spilling over._

Alice jumps up from her seat and comes over to my chair and kneels down in front of me and grabs my hand saying, "Whoa!!! Where is this all coming from?" I try and clamp down on my emotions before I become incoherent and respond, "Well, I think I'm an emotional mess right now Ally. I just, I mean I have never felt so; and it is so sudden and intense; and I want to be with him all the time; and I think…" I put my head into my hands and barely get out the words, "I think I'm in love with him!" Then the dam breaks and the emotions spill over the top. It feels like every emotion I have felt over the past several days is spilling out and I begin to sob uncontrollably as they rake through my body.

I do not know how long I sat there and just cried nor do I recall Alice pulling me over to the couch and resting my head in her lap. But as my emotions run their course, and my sobs die down I realize that she is rubbing my back and softly saying, "It will be ok Jay, just let it all out and you will feel better." I look up from her lap and say, "Thank you Ally, I'm sorry to just burst out with the water works like that but I guess it has been building up and when I thought of how much I love you for being there for me and the thought of me falling in love with Edward, it just all came at me at once."

She lifts my head up and wipes away some of the remaining tears and takes a deep breath, "Jay, I think I know what is going on here. You have never gotten over losing James have you?" I look at her with shock and say, "What do you mean, that has been over a year now since he was killed?" She gets a serious look on her face and then looks directly at me and says, "Ok, what would you say if I told you that Edward called me and said he was not coming back to LA and that he was moving to New York to focus on his acting?"

_I feel a constriction around my chest and a sudden pain as if somebody drove a stake through my heart._

_I am immediately taken back to that day when I received the phone call from James sister Victoria, letting me know that he was killed in a car accident. I recall that I never got to say 'I love you' to James before he died!_

_Holy Shit! I really am terrified of losing Edward just like I lost James._

The dam breaks again and I start sobbing into Ally's shoulder saying over and over, "I never got to say 'I love you' to him!" She holds me tight and lets me cry out my emotions. The sobs finally lighten up and through sniffles I say, "I guess you are right Ally. I'm terrified that Edward won't know how I feel about him. I don't know if I could handle it if I lost him too. I know it has only been a couple of days but the feelings I have for him feel like I have known him for many months."

She smiles at me and says, "Jay, you need to understand that Edward is not James and you can't go through life wondering if he is going to be taken from you or possibly leave you when you least expect it. You have to give your relationship some room to breathe and grow. If you smother him or hold him so tightly, you could end up either driving him away or worse, make him feel like he can't be his own person."

I gasp in a huge intake of air and say, "Whoa, I guess I never looked at it that way! Ally, I'm still a little scared at how intense my feelings are when I'm around him and I have only known him for a couple of days." She looks at me with a very inquisitive look and asks, "Does it feel like you had an immediate connection the moment you met him; a connection so strong that you are drawn to him in a way you never experienced before?" I nod my head emphatically. She continues, "Well, it sounds like you are describing the definition of a soulmate."

She sees the look on my face and says, "Jesus Jay! You look like I just beat the shit out of you with the Love Bat! Now wipe that damn grin off your face! Now tell me all the details about what has caused my older brother to fall head over heels for Edward Cullen, the famous actor; heart slayer of women from the age of 16 to 36!" I punch her in the arm as she feigns like I mortally wounded her. I grab my glass of wine and drain it and hand it to her to refill again.

I pickup my story with breakfast at Mama's Café and share how I felt when Edward pulled his hand away as the waitress approached our table. I continue with the details of dinner at Ruth's and the giddy girls that wanted his autograph. Then my cheeks start to warm and turn pink as I go into the story about Chocolate Covered Edwardy Goodness. Ally smiles a wide grin and says, "Now THAT is something that I will have to try with Jacob." We both laugh at her comment and I share my dream about taking strawberries, dipping them in chocolate and tracing circles on Edward's ass. She lets out loud laugh and says, "What is it with you two when it comes to sex and food?" I can't help but share in her laughter as I reply, "I don't really know but whenever I'm with him all I want to do is lick him all over and taste every part of him. And I guess food just naturally falls into my thoughts." She snickers and just says, "Naturally."

We spend the next several hours getting caught up on things since we last sat down and had this kind of conversation. We talk about her relationship with Jacob and the two of us comparing my Edward to her Jacob. We finish off the second bottle of chardonnay and I realize that I'm feeling pretty drunk and it is only 11:30 AM! I suggest to her, "You know, I haven't had anything to eat all day yet and the wine is really going to my head. What do you say we walk down a couple of blocks to the sandwich shop and get something to eat?" She giddily laughs and agrees with me. As we finish up our wonderful lunch, start to walk back to Alice's place and stop at Starbucks for a couple of Carmel Macchiatos. I cannot help but laugh as I turn to her and say, "It was at a coffee shop just like this that I had my first dream about Edward." I reach out and grab her had in mine and say, "Thank you so much for pushing me to write that letter Ally! I love you!"


	13. TickTock, TickTock

**Chapter 13: Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock**

We walk back to Alice's house and upon arriving, I give her another tight hug and say, "Thanks again Ally for being there for me. I hope I will be able to repay you for all your wisdom and compassion that you have shared with me." She smiles a wide grin and says, "I love you Jay and believe me, I will keep that in mind when I need a favor!" We laugh and I finally have to pull myself away and get into my car.

The drive home is not long; I only live 20 minutes from my sister's place. I go inside and dump the contents of my backpack out on top of the already overflowing pile of laundry in my bedroom. With a sigh, I decide that I better get started scaling up the summit of Mt. Laundry before its peak is out of reach. After tossing the whites in first I decide that I need something to help me relax and try and not focus on missing Edward so much.

I head into my spare room and sit down at the upright piano, close my eyes, take a deep breath and the open them and start playing music. I start with Rachmaninov's Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini and then move into Chopin's Nocturne in C# minor. I pause for a few minutes and then resume playing, but this time, it is something entirely my own. The music flows from deep inside me and I feel like I have the beginning of something very special. I play for another 2 hours and finally, I have to stop and get something to eat.

I make myself a salad and pour a glass of chardonnay as I sit down at the kitchen table to eat. My thoughts drift to Edward and I realize how much I miss him. I want to give him a call and make sure he arrived safely and is settled in but I resist the temptation.

_Let him call you first! _

_You don't want him to think that you can't go a single day without talking to him do you? Well do you? _

_I'm not sure if it is even possible but I think I just mentally rolled my eyes at myself! Jesus Jasper, pull it together! Remember what Ally said about giving him space._

I finish my dinner; start cleaning my dishes and placing them in the dishwasher when my iPhone buzzes. I dry my hands off and pull it out of my pocket and see that I received a text message. It is from Edward!

**Edward:** Hey there J! Just now get'g a chance to unpaid my things and I found your wonderful vote.

I'm elated that I got a text from Edward but I'm a little confused about what he wrote.

**Edward:** Damnit! Unpaid=unpack and vote=note R what I meant to type…fucking spell-check!

**Jasper:** ROFLOL I had to pause a moment there 2 figure out what in the hell you were trying 2 say. :" So you got the note?

**Edward:** Yeah, it really made my evening. I had a horrible flight! I had the "pleasure" 8-|of sit'g next 2A mother who spent the entire flight tell'g me how much her "daughter" loved me and she tried to give me her phone number!

**Edward:** Then I had to rush 2 my hotel, change and meet with a director. I'm just now finally get'g a chance 2 unpack and find your note the bottom of my suitcase and it made me all :D inside.

**Jasper:** LOL! I'm glad it helped 2 brighten your day Babe!

**Edward:** So what RU do/think'g about?

**Jasper:** Just fished dinner and I'm think'g about U of course!

**Edward:** Aww :" UR2 damn cute!

**Jasper:** Nuh-uh…UR the cute 1!

**Edward:** LOL! Well just know that I'm think'g of U2. I so could use a foot massage right about now and I will definitely be think'g about you when I go 2 bed 2nite! :)

_How in the Fuck does he sound so damn cute over a text message?!?!?!? I want to lick my phone!_

**Jasper:** Care 2 share NE of those thoughts?

**Edward:** Nope! U will have to wait until I get back and then I will show you :) :) MUAHAHAHAH!!!

**Jasper:** UR truly an evil man but I love ya NEway!

**Edward:** Hey Jay, I was 1der'g, what is the name of the company U work 4?

_Why is he asking about that?_

**Jasper:** It is Synergistics, Y do you ask?

**Edward:** Ok, I should let you go so I can grab something 2 eat and then get my ass 2 bed since I have an early day 2morrow. Thanks again for the note…I really appreciate it! XOXO

**Jasper: ** Sleep well Babe! :D's and :-*'s to ya!

The next couple of days drag on as if every minute is lasting for hours. I try and focus on my work, pouring myself into several major technology projects. I get home from work every evening, change clothes and head to the gym to workout. I return back home, fix myself something to eat and then head into the spare bedroom and continue working on my composition. I am just about done with the score and am trying to put into words the same feelings that I'm conveying in the music. It is far more difficult to express my emotions in written word than through my music but I keep pushing myself, knowing who it is all for.

I have been repeating this pattern for the past several days. Thursday finally rolls around and I head off to work. My day is filled with meetings starting at 8:00 AM until Noon. I head out to lunch with a co-worker and upon my return, there are several people crowded around my desk in my office. I immediately panic…

_Oh shit, did I leave something up on my screen that I should not have??? No, I wasn't surfing the web for anything illicit. Why in the hell are they standing there?!_

My co-worker Paula, turns with the largest grin I have ever seen on her face and says, "Welcome back from lunch Jasper. It looks like you received something from a 'friend'." She makes quotation marks with her fingers when she says the word 'friend' and then steps aside so I can see, standing on my desk is a gold vase filled with one dozen long-stemmed chocolate roses. My face immediately begins to turn three shades of red. Paula pulls me towards them and says, "Well go ahead! Read the card!"

_Oh fucking shit!!! They don't want me to read it out loud do they?!?!?! Why in the hell are they still standing here?!?! They probably already read the card anyway._

I very quietly read the card…

_J~  
I just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking about you and I thought that you could use some Chocolate Fucking Goodness to brighten your day! I'm heading home Friday; can't wait to see you for dinner!_

_XOXO  
Edward_

Now my face is ready to spontaneously combust, not because of the fact that the signature is from a guy; I have been completely out at work for many years. It is the "What the Fuck have you been doing with this Edward guy" grin on several of their faces, begging for an answer to "What the hell is Chocolate Fucking Goodness?" that is scaring the shit out of me right now. I finally push them all out of my office and close the door and just sit there in my chair for a moment as I try and collect my thoughts.

_Chocolate Mother Fucking Goodness! He sent me flowers!!! I can just die right now!_

I don't realize that I have just said out loud, "Fucking Awesome!" until my co-worker Paula knocks on my office door and opens it without waiting for my response and asks, "Are you ok Jasper?" She sees the amazing grin on my face and then slowly backs out and closes the door. I don't think it is even possible but I blush an even darker shade of red but I'm so totally on cloud nine that I really don't care who sees me at this point.

The rest of the day becomes completely mindless as all I can think about is heading home to pack my bags and driving up to see Edward and enjoying a wonderful dinner with him. I decide to leave work a little early so I can stop and purchase a nice bottle of wine as well as get a shower and pack my bags.

I stop by my favorite wine shop and purchase a bottle of Sancerre Sauvignon Blanc as well as a bottle of Alexander Valley, Silver Oak Cabernet. Both are two of my most favorite wines and I figure a white and a red should cover the bases. I get home; put the wine on the kitchen table next to my chocolate fucking delicious roses and place my keys down so I don't forget them. I then head to my bedroom, remove my work clothes and head into the bathroom for a shower. I turn on the water and make sure it is piping hot before stepping in. I put my head under the spray, letting the water pour over my body as it relaxes every muscle that has tensed up from my excitement in knowing that I will soon see Edward in just a few more hours.

I begin singing the song that I composed for Edward making sure that the words flow well with the music. By the time I'm done and satisfied with it, the water has become warm, bordering on cold. I turn the water off and step out of the shower. I get dressed and pack enough clothes for the weekend in my backpack. I pull out my iPhone and send a text message to Edward…

**Jasper:** Edward, I'm just now get'g ready 2 head out the door and will be OMW.

**Edward:** Awesome! I can't wait 4U2 get here. Drive safely! Oh and would U mind stop'g 2 get some wine on the way? I'm fixing Caesar salad with pepper-seared filet mignon.

**Jasper:** OMG I'm =P~ right now! :D I already picked up some wine on my way home…something 4R salad and something that will go great with that filet!

**Edward:** LOL I hope U like dinner as well as…dessert :)

**Jasper:** RU sure we can't just skip right to dessert?

**Edward:** No you can't :P I want to show U that UR not the only 1 who can pull a meal 2gether!

**Jasper:** I can't wait…heading out the door. Call me on my phone if you need me 2 get NEthing else.

I get into my car; connect my iPod and search for my Classical playlist. I figure it will help keep me from driving 100+ to get to Edward's apartment as well as keeping my excitement level in check. I begin listening to Adagio for Strings, Op.11 and then First Essay for Orchestra, Op. 12.

The drive is pretty smooth heading out of San Diego but as I start getting closer to Orange County, it begins to slow down to a crawl. The traffic is so bad at this point that I begin to fear that I will be late arriving at Edward's. I wait another 15-20 minutes to see if the traffic will clear up and can't see any breaks from my current location.

_What...The…Fuck is wrong with these people?!?! There is no accident for miles and yet they feel compelled to drive with thumbs up their asses!_

_I swear I'm going to invent a paint gun attachment for the car so you can blast the assholes on the road that have no clue how to drive and everybody else will be able to easily identify them and steer clear!_

I press the 'Push To Talk' button on my steering wheel and say, "Dial, Edward Cullen Cell". It begins dialing. Edward answers the phone, "Are you ok, are you all right?" His voice is panicked at this point and I quickly reply, "I'm fine. I'm just stuck in this fucking traffic and it is barely at a crawl. I'm estimating that I will probably be at your place around 7:00 PM. I'm really sorry that I'm running late, I should have left a little earlier to accommodate for this craptastic traffic! I hope I have not ruined dinner at this point?"

Edward calmly says, "No problem at all, I have not started on the filet because I want them to be piping hot when I serve them so I will be waiting for your buzz at the front gate to get them started. Take your time and please be careful out there!"

I finally arrive at Edward's apartment and somehow have managed to not murder, maim, run over or plaster in paint; any drivers. I grab my backpack, bag with wine bottles, those chocolate fucking yummy roses and walk up to the box to dial Edward's apartment number. His delicious voice responds, "Hello?" I reply, "God you have no idea how wonderful your voice sounds right now." He says, "Jasper!!!! Come on up!" The gate buzzes and I head inside, making sure the gate is locked behind me. I finally arrive on the third floor, and gently knock on his door. He opens the door and I practically fall into his arms without dropping the wine bottles.


	14. Jasper's Heart

**Chapter 14: Jasper's Heart**

Edward catches me in his arms and with a bit of shock in his expression he says, "Wow, rough drive up?" I laugh a little and right myself and reply, "It felt like everybody was going out of their way to prevent me from reaching you." Edward smiles and then grabs me, pulling me close and presses his warm lips against mine. I happily open my mouth and suck in his tongue. I close my eyes and let his kiss envelope me entirely; savoring every delicious moment.

It is Edward who pulls away, taking a deep inhale as he says, "Well you are here now and I have a wonderful dinner to serve you. Why don't you open the wine and pour some for both of us while I get the filets seared." I finally notice that the table has been set with 2 wine glasses for each of us; candles lit and a wine opener resting on the corner. I head to the table and open the bottle of Sancerre and pour each of us a glass. I also open the bottle of Silver Oak to allow it time to breathe.

The smell coming from the kitchen is unbelievable. It is fresh cracked pepper mixed with succulent beef and butter. My mouth begins to water just inhaling the wonderful aroma and I say, "It smells fucking awesome Babe!" I head into the kitchen with both of our glasses in hand. I hand him his glass and inquire, "Need help with anything?" He smiles back at me and replies, "Would you mind grabbing the salad from the fridge and giving it a toss? The dressing is in a mason jar next to it." He takes a sip of the wine and comments, "Whoa, this really is a wonderful wine. I'm not usually a fan of whites but this is excellent."

I grab the salad and dressing and before heading to the table, I move up close behind him and give him a kiss just under his right ear and work my way down his neck until I reach his collar bone and then stop and say, "I'm glad you like it." He turns towards me and I quickly duck out from his reach and head into the dining room.

_Whoa, I was actually able to resist just melting into his arms. Nice work there Jasper!_

_Making him want you a little bit never hurts!_

An impish grin forms on my face as I turn toward him saying, "Salad is tossed and ready Babe. Anything else I can help with?" He looks directly into my eyes and I immediately know that he is on to me and my little game as he replies, "Nope, I got everything else covered and it all should be ready in just a few moments. Go ahead and sit down and I will bring it out to you."

A few minutes later he heads into the dining room with a plate and a bowl. He sets the bowl down in the middle of the table and my nose is assaulted with the delicious smell of potatoes, cheese and garlic. I have to close my mouth to keep the drool from spilling out. Then my sexy as fuck, lopsided grin is on his face as he places the most succulent piece of filet I have ever seen on my plate and says, "Pepper-seared Filet with Gorgonzola and Garlic smashed potatoes and a Caesar salad…I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoyed your wonderful spaghetti and meatballs." He then gives me a kiss on the lips and just as I'm about to explore the recesses of his mouth with my tongue, he pulls away and says, "Bon appetite!"

_I so deserved that! Fucker plays this game better than I ever will!_

I sit there at a loss for words. I'm sure the look of shock, amazement, and down-right starvation that crosses my face does nothing but widen his already fuctastic grin. I finally say, "Babe, this looks absolutely divine!" I grab my glass of wine and lift it up towards him indicating that I want to make a toast. He grabs his glass and awaits my response, "Edward, I can't begin to tell you how much you mean to me. Making this wonderful dinner; the previous weekend and now tonight are more than I could have ever imagined. Thank you so much for being just you and allowing me the opportunity to get to know who you really are." I clink my glass against his. We both take a sip but he doesn't put his glass down so I pause to allow him to say, "Jasper, you are the first person whom I have ever wanted to share this part of my life with. I feel that there is nothing that I need to filter with you. My past relationships have always been clouded with doubt; wondering if they wanted to be with me because of some particular character that I portrayed and they have fallen in love with or because I am an actor. You don't care that I'm an actor; you just want to be with me and help me explore parts of myself that I would have never thought existed. So I must say Thank You too!" We clink glasses again but this time, I feel a warm expansion going on in my chest.

_I mentally look around to see if Alice somehow managed to sneak in and beat the shit out of me with the Love Bat because I have fallen a little more in love with this amazing man._

The dinner is amazing. The salad pairs great with the Sancerre as does the Silver Oak and the filet. Edward asks, "So how was your week, did you keep yourself busy?" I share my frustrations on a couple of the projects that I am leading; having to deal with people that have no clue what a business process is but magically expect me to solve their business problems. I inquire about how things went with the director, "Do you think you got the part that you were hoping for?" He smiles and shares, "I feel really confident but the part, if I get it, will be a real challenge for me. I will be portraying a twenty-something kid that is socially inept, gets dumped by his girlfriend and has to move back in with his parents." I laugh out loud when I try and think of Edward as being socially inept let alone living with his parents.

We finish the rest of our meal, chatting back and forth about how our weeks went. Edward gets up to start clearing and I suggest, "Let me help. You spent a lot of time preparing this awesome meal, the least I can do is help clean up." I help gather the rest of the dishes and as I'm washing and placing them in the dish rack to dry, Edward gets a little embarrassed look on his face and says, "Well, I'm not really a baker so I did not make dessert from scratch. I purchased a pound cake and some fresh strawberries. I hope that is acceptable?" I turn to him and try and put on my most reassuring grin and respond, "That is not a problem at all." I pause a moment and then continue, "If you want an easy suggestion, I can give you an idea to take the pound cake up a notch?"

His embarrassment changes into one of hope and that warm feeling spreads throughout my body again as I experience the joy of getting to show him how to cook, well actually prepare something. I suggest, "Slice the strawberries into a bowl with about 1 tablespoon of sugar and a couple splashes of Grand Marnier. There should be some left over from last weekend. Then slice the pound cake and toast it in the toaster oven until lightly golden brown. Brush the slices with some more of the Grand Marnier and serve the berries over top. What do you think?"

He looks at me a little stunned and finally says, "How in the hell do you come up with this shit? That sounds amazing and you have turned boring old pound cake into a mouth watering dessert!" I let out a laugh and finally respond, "I told you, I have a very vivid imagination that really comes in handy sometimes." I give him a wink which garners a raised eyebrow.

I finish the rest of the dishes just as he gets the dessert plated up and motions for me to follow him. He grabs a couple of forks and instead of heading back to the dining room table; he goes into the living room. He sits on the couch and motions for me to sit down next to him. He cuts a piece of my pound cake, adds a strawberry with it and slowly brings the fork up to my lips. I slowly open my mouth and let him slide the fork in. It is delicious, the taste of orange, strawberry and buttery pound cake. We then both take turns feeding each other a few bites of our respective desserts and finally, I can't resist the temptation.

_Just watching him chew makes him look so Damn Fuckable!_

I grab a nice plump strawberry slice, place it my mouth but don't bite down on it. I then lean into him, place my hand behind the back of his head and gently pull him in for a kiss. He parts his lips for me willingly and I slowly push the strawberry into his mouth with my tongue. I pull away just a fraction from his lips, allowing him time to chew and savory the strawberry and then return my lips to his. I run my tongue along his upper lip and he then sucks my tongue into his mouth. I let out a lowly moan in his mouth as my tongue explores the inside of his mouth and I get the amazing taste of strawberry, Grand Marnier and Edward all at the same time. It is truly a moment that I will remember for a long time!

_I think a fuckbomb just exploded inside my chest because I can no longer see anything but Edward pressed tightly up against me; both of us kissing and grinding our bodies into each other!_

At this point, we both hurriedly place our plates on the coffee table and just as I lean back up from depositing my plate, Edward pushes me back into the couch. His lips crash into mine as he starts giving me a hunger filled kiss. It isn't soft or gently passionate; it is a kiss of need like he has gone an entire week in the dessert with no water and my mouth is the only oasis that will quench his thirst.

My left hand reaches for his silky hair as I grab a handful; my right hand moves down his back until I reach his glorious ass and give it a squeeze. I then press and pull his ass towards me, causing him to grind his pelvis into mine. I can feel our hardened cocks rubbing up against each other and Edward lets out moan.

His kissing moves from my lips, down along my neck and up to my ears where he huskily breathes into them saying, "God I have missed you!" I respond with an upward thrust of my hips and I kiss down his neck and move towards his ears and through a couple of heavy pants, I manage to get out, "Not nearly as much as I have missed you!" His head pops up a little bit so he can look me directly in the eyes and fuck me from the living room to the bedroom if he doesn't have my lopsided grin on his face when he says, "We will just have to see about that now won't we!"

My hands travel down to his waist as I grab his shirt and slowly pull it up, waiting for him to raise his hands so I can remove it. He readily complies and then pulls me up towards him so he can remove my shirt as well. He pushes me back into the couch and presses his chest into mine. I wrap my hands around his back and my legs around his waist. I squeeze him as tightly as I can to my body so I can relish in the heat radiating from him.

Our lips meet again for another deep and needful kiss. Our hands and tongues take turns exploring each other's body. He starts at my lips then my neck and moves down to my collar bone. Then he slowly kisses his way down to my chest and nipples. He pinches one while he sucks the other one into his mouth. My hips thrust up into his as I say, "Fuck I have missed you!" He looks up with a grin on his face, happy that he is getting this reaction out of me.

His tongue follows along the trail of hair running down from my chest to my abdomen, gently kissing and licking the entire way. He then leans up and starts to unbutton my pants. He opens my pants just enough to allow my rock-hard dick to push up against my boxers. He then moves himself down enough to allow his lips to brush up against the tip of my dick and then to my utter surprise, he places his lips around it and breathes a warm and fucking amazing exhale, causing my dick to pulse into his lips. I lean up with a shocked expression on my face as he looks into my eyes and says, "I told you that I have missed you." And the fuckawesome grin is there which changes my look of shock into one of hunger and desire.

I move to stand up, pulling Edward with me and then go right for his neck and start kissing, licking and gently sucking my way down to his chest until I reach his nipples. I lightly pinch and twist his right nipple as my tongue greedily takes in his left. Once both are as hard as marbles, I take a nibble of the one in my mouth and I'm happily rewarded with a moan from him.

I then slowly work my way down his chest and abdomen until I reach the edge of his pants and I unzip them and kiss after every slow inch that I pull down on his zipper. I quickly move to his shoes and untie and remove them along with his socks. I return my attention to his opened pants and slowly pull them down. I leave his boxers on, taking care to make sure his beautifully hard cock is standing at full attention. I rub my nose along the base to the tip, inhaling the intoxicating smell that is pure Edward. I continue pulling his pants down and kiss along his left leg as he lifts it up steps out of them. I repeat the action for his right leg.

I then move back up to his cock which is desperately trying to find a way out of his boxers. I place both of my hands on his ass and squeeze firmly as my lips wrap around the tip of his cock and I let out a slow warm exhale. Edward lets out a loud moan and says, "Oh Fuck Jay, please!" I look up from my crouch and ask, "Please what Babe?" He glances down to meet my inquiring gaze and says, "Please, I want to feel my cock in your warm wet mouth!" I am more than eager to give him what he wants. I slide his boxers down and let him step out of them. I start by licking the from the base of his cock up to just the tip several times as my lips move up and down his throbbing member. He starts to slowly thrust into my lips, giving me an indication that he wants to be inside my mouth.

My lips move back to his tip and I slowly, inch-by-inch take him fully into my mouth. When I reach the base of his cock and have my tongue wrapped around it, my mouth forms an air-tight seal and I slowly start working up and down his delicious cock. He starts to thrust into my mouth so I let him set a pace as he begins fucking my lips.

He is fully getting into a rhythm, letting out several moans and saying, "Fuck yeah!" Then his cock begins to pulse in my mouth and I can tell that he is getting close when he gently pushes on my head and pulls out of my mouth. He then pulls me up towards him and moves in for a deep kiss. Our tongues are taking turns, exploring each other's mouth. I nibble his lower lip and then he starts kissing down my chest and abdomen. He then reaches into my pants and grabs a warm and firm grasp of my hard dick. With his free hand, he pushes my boxers and pants down. I quickly kick off my shoes and step out of my pants. He releases my dick and removes my socks.

He then returns back to my pulsing dick and for the second time tonight I'm staring at him in shock as his tongue begins running along the base of my cock and up to the tip. His gaze meets mine and I ask, "Babe, are you sure?" His responds by sliding his lips down over the tip of my dick and starts sucking me into his warm and delicious mouth. I let out a loud "Fuck!" He begins working up and down my shaft and I cannot take my eyes off of him as I watch him and his mouth work wonders on my dick. At one point he glances up into my eyes and the expression on his face is one of amazement and joy as he realizes what he is doing and the fact that he is actually enjoying the hell out of it.

As I begin to feel my orgasm rising up through my dick, I gently place a hand on his head, indicating that I want him to stop. I pull him up towards me and say, "I want both of us to enjoy this at the same time." I grab his hand and pull him into his bedroom. We both climb on top of his bed and I ask him, "Have you 69'd before?" He looks at me and nods his head and gets the idea of what I want to try. I continue, "Are you comfortable with the two of us trying that?" He looks back at me and with a wide grin says, "Fuck yeah!" He then gets on top of me and positions himself so his amazing cock is poised right over my lips. I happily reach out with my tongue, opening my mouth so he can slowly push his cock into my throat. His lips then wrap around my dick as he sucks me into his warm and wet mouth.

We adjust so we are both comfortable and then begin thrusting with our hips. Amazingly, we easily synchronize our thrusts and another fuckbomb goes off, this time in my head. All I can think about is Edward and making him feel as fuckawesome as possible. Our pace speeds up as we both get into the frenzy of the mutual pleasure we are giving and receiving. I can feel his cock starting to pulse in my mouth which brings me even closer to my own orgasm. Then he explodes in my mouth, releasing his wonderful juice and letting out a wonderful moan that reverberates along the entire length of my dick. This sends me over and I try to pull my dick out of his mouth as I'm not sure if he wants to taste my own juice but he thrusts down with his mouth taking me deep inside and I cum like I have never cum before. We both make sure that we have sucked every drop from each other and then finally release our hold on each other's cocks.

He then rolls over and turns himself up towards me so we are facing each other. I look at him and just as I'm saying, "Fucking Ama…" He leans in for a deep kiss, cutting off what I was about to say and my mind explodes as the taste of Edwards's juice and mine mingle together in the most fuckalicious kiss the two of us have had so far. The kiss lasts for many minutes and finally he pulls away and says, "Yeah that was the most fucking amazing experience I have ever had!" I pull him close into me as we wrap our hands around each other, squeezing our bodies as close together as possible. I whisper in his ear, "Babe, I'm…I…God damn, I love you!" He presses his body into mine even more.

I then roll over on my side so that I can press my backside into his body and he pulls me in close as we assume the most comfortable spoon position. It doesn't take long before both of us are drifting off to sleep, in each other's warm embrace.

Several hours pass and I'm not sure what time it is when I awake but I'm positive it is still dark outside. My mind is racing with all the amazing things that happened this evening and I realize that I am not going to be able to fall back to sleep. So I slowly slip out of Edward's embrace and slide out of bed. I put my boxers on and head out to the living room.

I look over to his keyboard and decide to sit down in front of it. I adjust the volume so that it is barely audible and I start playing the song that I composed for Edward. I'm working my way through the music as I think of him and all that we have shared so far. I become absorbed in the sound until I hear an intake of breath from the bedroom doorway. I look up and see Edward standing in just his boxers with a look of shock and amazement on his face. He inquires, "What is that amazing song that you are playing?" My cheeks begin to turn red as I blush and I hesitate in my response.

_Is he going to think I'm a love-sick idiot if I tell him that I wrote this for him? Well, no better time than the present!_

I reply, "I…uhh, wrote a song for you. Do you want to hear it?" He just nods his head. So I begin playing the song from the beginning but this time I start singing the words to accompany it. My tenor voice starts out quietly but I become more comfortable as I lose myself in the words and music.

_The first time my eyes fell upon your face;  
I knew that my mind would not erase.  
The beauty and wonder within your eyes;  
they hold me frozen, hypnotized._

_Your sweet embrace burns with heat;  
I close my eyes and feel complete.  
Pull me close, squeeze me tight;  
Forever holding , day and night._

_You are all that I could ever need;  
my heart's desire, full of greed.  
It sings for you and you alone;  
a gentle beat, a peaceful tone._

_I stand outreaching, heart in hand;  
happily bestowing all I am.  
Please take into your gentle care;  
my deepest love and soul to share._

_Love is spoken, a simple word;  
Music is written, to be heard.  
For you alone, I combine the two;  
my heart a gift, I give to you._

I finish playing the song and I look back towards him and I feel like somebody reached into my chest and just squeezed my heart. I see in his eyes, tears streaming down his face. I immediately get up from the chair and rush over to him. I brush the tears from his cheeks and say, "Babe? What's wrong? Say something, please!"

It takes him a few moments to compose himself before he can say, "Jay…I…I happily accept your heart, this gift which is so far beyond anything that I ever thought possible. I…I love you Jay, with all of my heart!" As soon as I hear the words "I love you Jay", my own eyes fill up with tears and they start spilling down my cheek. He grabs me and pulls me to him in a strong and emotional hug. We both just stand there with our heads on each other's shoulder, wrapped in each other's arms for many long moments, letting our emotions envelope each other. Then Edward gently pulls my head up so his eyes can meet mine and he says, "That is the most amazing thing anybody has ever done for me. You wrote that song and composed the music for it?" I can only nod to his question as he continues, "What is the name of the song?" A smile stretches across my face as I say, "Jasper's Heart".


	15. For whom the bell tolls?

**Chapter 15: For whom the bell tolls?**

Edward and I walked back into the bedroom, crawled into bed. I wrapped my body around the outside of his and drifted off to sleep.

I awoke in the morning and noticed that nobody was wrapped up in my arms. I look over and notice that Edward is not in bed. A moment of panic sets in but I inhale and can smell freshly brewed coffee coming from the other room. I stretch out my arms and legs and look at the clock. "Whoa, it is 9:00 AM! I must have been really tired to sleep in this late!" I get out of bed, and look around for my backpack so I can find some new boxers and a change of clothes. I pull on my jeans and a shirt and head into the living room. I search around for Edward but don't see any sign of him. I spot a note on the coffee table. I sit down and read it:

_J~_

_I could not help but notice how soundly you were sleeping this morning when I awoke so I didn't have the heart to disturb you. _

_I'm heading to the store to pick up some things for breakfast. Please help yourself to some coffee, I shall be back shortly._

_Love E~_

I fix myself a cup of coffee, head to the couch and start scanning through the morning news on the television. I hear a buzzing sound coming from behind me. I look over my shoulder to see where the noise is coming from and I notice there is an intercom along the wall.

_Who in the hell would be buzzing Edward's apartment. I know it isn't him because he has keys. _

_Should I answer? Maybe they will just go away._

Buzz!!! Buzz!!!

_Shit!_

I push the button and tentatively inquire, "Hello?" The voice on the other end is a woman's voice and she replies in a British accent, "Who in the hell is this? Where is Edward?"

_FUCK!!! Now what you moron she knows Edward! Quick, think of something! Jump out the window and shimmy down the fire escape?_

I reply, "He is running errands at the store, he should be back shortly." I am now starting to break out in a sweat.

_Please for the love of God don't ask to come up!_

She huffs and replies, "Well let me in you idiot! I'm his sister Rosalie and I don't want to stand out here all day waiting for him."

_Oh My Fucking God!!! It's Homozilla!!! Where in the hell is my phone?! I need to call 911!_

I push the 'Gate' button, holding it for a few seconds and as soon as I let it go, I'm running back into the bedroom to find my phone. I dig through my pants, pull it out and send a text message to Edward:

**Jasper:** 911 Sister Here111!!! Help Me!!111!!

**Edward:** OMFG! OMW!

I run around the room, frantically trying to pick up any signs that I was sleeping in his bedroom. I grab my pants and stuff them into my backpack as well as some socks and boxers. I then rush out to the living room, throw the backpack alongside the couch and sit down, trying like mad to calm my heart down.

_What in the hell am I going to say to her?!? I know Edward has not told her about us. FUCK! _

_How do I explain why I'm here?!? Am I his housekeeper? Oh smooth Jay…Edward's fucking House-Boy!_

All too soon there is that tolling of the bell, the foreshadowing of doom, the end of…

_Oh how melo-fucking-dramatic can you be Jasper!?! Get up and answer the damn door!_

I go to the door and open it to see a stunningly gorgeous blonde, wearing a crimson red skirt-suit combo belted above the waist, with a wide black belt and the most killer black pumps ever.

_If those shoes aren't the most amazing "Come fuck me pumps" I have ever seen…JASPER!!! Focus!!! Shit!_

I extend my hand and introduce myself, "Hello, my name is Jasper, please uh, come in." She looks at my hand like I was offering her a snake and reluctantly shakes it with the tips of her fingers. She brushes past me and heads into the living room and taking a seat on the couch.

I have to close my jaw with my hand as I'm sure it was scrapping the ground and I barely remember to close the front door. OMG, she is the female version of Edward! If I was a straight man, I would so be into her. And those shoes!!!—_F.O.C.U.S. Jasper!!!_ I offer, "Can I fix you a cup of coffee?" She responds, "Yes, that would be lovely. Two lumps and a splash of cream please."

_Shit! How many lumps are there in a teaspoon?!? Does Edward even have any cream? Where in the hell is he?!?!_

I fix her cup of coffee to the best of my ability, and somehow manage to not spill any on myself as I walk into the living room. I place it on the coffee table knowing that I might spill it, if I try and hand it to her. I then take a seat across from her on the recliner and wait for the onslaught to begin.

She reaches for her coffee and takes a sip and brings her eyes in line with mine. She looks like a panther that is sizing up her prey before she puts the coffee back down and asks, "So…Jasper is it?" She doesn't wait for my response and continues, "What do you know about Ruth's Chris Steak House, I was looking for a great steak place and heard good things about it." Before I realize it I quickly reply, "Oh it is one of my favorites. They serve the best filet of beef and their sides are delicious!"

_Why is she asking me about this? What is going on inside of that blonde contraption of hers?_

Her hands twitch a little and I notice for the first time that she has long blood red finger nails, and I get a disturbing image of her raking them over me if I make the wrong move or answer one of her questions incorrectly. She then continues, "When was the last time you and Edward went there?"

_Oh fucking shit! How in the hell did she know we went there?!?!?_

My face starts to heat up and I'm sure it is turning pink and soon to be red as I stutter, "Umm, we had, uh dinner there last week. Why do you ask?"

Just then, the door opens and Edward walks in and it takes all of my self control to not jump up out of my seat and bolt towards him to hide from the crimson panther that is about sink her death claws into me. I look up at him and I'm positive he can see the pleading in my eyes. I'm sure I must look like some poor rabbit that has been cornered by the hunter, moments before its life is about to end.

He closes the door, drops some of the bags and then comes swiftly into the living room as Rosalie stands up to give him a hug. They embrace but I notice that Rosalie is not hugging him back as firmly as Edward is. It is as if she is holding some of her emotions back and doesn't want to physically show them. Edward finally lets her go and asks, "Rose, what brings you down here to see me? Why didn't you call and let me know you were coming?"

Her expression changes from one of marginal happiness at seeing her brother to one of stern disappointment. She sits back down on the couch, reaches for her purse and pulls out some kind of magazine. A quick glance and I notice it is the National Enquirer. She thumbs through a couple of pages, then flings it on the coffee table and stares back up at Edward and demands, "What is going on Edward? Have you read what this trash paper is saying about you?" You know Mother loves reading this kind of crap and she is going to positively die when she reads this article!

Edward sits down on the couch alongside Rosalie, picks up the magazine and begins to read. He quickly scans the article, then turns to his sister and says, "You know this rubbish can't be trusted. They automatically assume that anybody I'm seen with I'm either fucking or doing some other devious thing to."

Rosalie turns towards me and points a finger and says, "He says the two of you went there last week! Why were the two of you having dinner together and looking all…" she then quotes a line from the article, "lovey dovey together?" He glances at me and I try and tell him with my eyes that I was sorry for ever saying a single word.

_Jasper you and your big fucking mouth! You should just get up and leave right now and save everybody the trouble!_

Edward is still staring at me and I'm sure he notices the look of fear and flight passing across my face but he is at a loss for words. Rosalie continues her accusations, "Who is this guy, this Jasper and why are you having dinner at some fancy restaurant? Why is he in your apartment when you are not here?"

_I feel horrible, I don't want to come between Edward and his sister. It is not fair that he should have to deal with this bullshit already. I just need to get up and go, right now!_

I start to stand and in one quick move, I grab my backpack and start running for the door.

_Don't look back and don't stop, if you do you will never be able to get out in time._

Edward turns towards me and yells, "Jasper, NO!!!!" I hear Rosalie's voice jump several octaves as she screeches, "EDWARD, what in the hell is going on and who the fuck is Jasper?!?!?"

My hand is on the door and I'm turning the knob when I hear Edward say, "Jasper is…he is my boyfriend ok!!! Are you happy now that you have scared the living shit out of him?" Everything comes to a complete and utter standstill. My heart stops beating, my hands and feet refuse to function and my mind goes completely numb. The next thing I know, Edward is grabbing my hand from the door knob and pulling me back into the living room. He keeps my hand wrapped firmly in his like he is afraid I'm going to run for the door at the next opportunity. He guides me back to the chair I was sitting in and takes the backpack from me, placing it alongside the chair and gently pushes me down into it.

I look at Edward and give him a meek smile of thanks as I squeeze his hand. I then look up into Rosalie's eyes and can't help but shrink away from the penetrating stare she is sending my way. Her glare goes from me to Edward and she practically stabs him with her words, "You mean to tell me that you are a poof?!?!"

_Who in the hell does she think she is?!?! And how dare she call my Edward a poof! WTF is a poof? It think it is what Brits call fags! Where does she get off?_

I can feel the anger and fury building inside, along with surprise at what I'm about to say. I try and moderate my anger as I draw in a deep breath, "Rosalie, I'm really sorry that this has come out this way and I'm sure Edward wanted to tell you about this himself, but for you to just burst in here and start slinging accusations at him like that is just fucked up. I'm sure a lot of this is a huge shock for you and believe me, it was a shock for Edward and me too but the simple fact is that I love your brother and for some completely insane reason, he actually loves me back. Now if you can't understand that it is possible for two guys to actually have feelings towards one another because of your narrow minded, severely limited upbringing, the least you can do is treat people with respect!" I sit back, completely out of breath and wait for her reaction.

The look on Rosalie's face is one of pure shock as I'm sure nobody has spoken to her in the tone that I did. But I will be damned before I let her continue insulting the love of my life. I glance over at Edward and I see a similar look of shock on his face as well as fear. I squeeze his hand tightly and say to him, "I'm so sorry babe that you have to deal with this crap this way. I know you wanted time to figure out the best way to share this with your family. I'm sorry that I have a big mouth and I say things that I shouldn't. I did not mean to yell at Rosalie."

Edward looks at me and says, "Thanks Jay. I really appreciate you looking out for me and no, this is not the way I wanted to share this with Rose." He looks at her with pleading eyes, and then just drops his head when he sees her expression.

Rosalie's expression changes from shock to distaste as she sees the two of us holding hands and looking into each other's eyes confessing our feelings towards one another. I can tell that she is also miffed that she is being left out of the conversation when she interjects, "Well if the two of you…whatever you are will excuse me, I think I have seen enough." She gets up from the couch and starts to head for the door and then turns around and looks directly at me and says, "Thank you…" she sarcastically remarks, "for the coffee Jasper."

Edward gets up and reaches out a hand to Rosalie and calls, "Rose no, please don't leave like this, give me a chance to explain!" She doesn't even turn around when she says, "I have seen all I need to see Edward. I will leave it up to you to discuss this with Mother but as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing more to talk about." She then opens the door and pulls it closed behind her.

Edwards collapses on the couch, places his head in his hands and starts sobbing. I quickly get up and go over to him, placing my arms around his shoulders and just gently rub his back and say softly, "I'm so, so sorry Babe! "


	16. Coming Out!

**A/N: Heaping piles of thanks to my BFF Sarah and Naelany for keeping my grammar in line. I know you all have been waiting for the next chapter so you are rewarded with an extra long one ;) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight; I just dream and write about some of the characters.**

**Chapter 16: Coming Out!**

I pull Edward to my chest, holding him tightly as I whisper reassuring words into his hair, "Everything will be ok, Babe. We can work through this. I am here for you and I promise that I will stand by you and help you in any way I can."

_Why oh fucking why did Rosalie have to come in here and just attack her brother like that? I know some people can be quite prejudiced but this is her own damn brother! _

_God I hope the rest of his family is more opened minded than she is. Otherwise this is going to be a rough road for the two of us._

Twenty or so minutes pass and Edward finally looks up with swollen, red eyes "How did you tell your parents? Were they disappointed with you?" I smile and share, "The day I was going to tell them, my sister Alice approached me and told me that my parents would be okay with it. When I pressed her about it, she said she already knew that I was gay and would always be there for me."

Edward sighs into my chest, "I wish my sister was as understanding as Alice." I squeeze him again saying, "So do I, Babe! You know I love you and we will get through this together, right?" He nods his head and asks me to continue, "Okay, so that morning I asked everybody to gather for breakfast, and as we all sat down at the table, I just came right out and told them. Mom started crying which caused Alice to follow suit, but I was not prepared for the shock of my life, when I saw my dad with tears falling down his face. You need to understand that Charlie is not one to show emotions. In fact, he had never even given me a hug, just simple handshakes. I can't ever recall him crying my entire life. For him to show this kind of emotion towards me was overwhelming and brought me to tears as well. Then he reached out and pulled me close, hugging me tightly into his chest and said that he loved me no matter what." I paused briefly, "To be honest, my coming out has brought us closer together."

_Hmm, I really want my parents to meet Edward; I know they will love him just as much as I do. Shit! I better introduce him to Alice first or she will have my balls for not giving her first kill…err look._

Edward pushes up from my chest, turns to face me and says, "As much as I am not ready to tell them, I know I need to do this. I don't want Mom to find out through some cheap tabloid rag and who knows how long Rose can keep her damn lips shut." He looks at me, pleadingly, "Jay, would you, umm be willing to come with me to my parents?" I run my hand along his cheek and say, "Of course I will, Babe!"

_For you Babe, I would go to the ends of the world; I'd slay the evil red dragon with the killer pumps, if you asked me to._

He sits upright on the couch and pulls out his phone, just staring at it for several long minutes. I reach out and place my hand reassuringly on his leg, squeezing it gently. He looks up, worry and fear plain on his face. I smile and tell him, "I know exactly what you are feeling right now because I had those exact same feelings when I was standing in the hallway all those years ago. I just want you to know that I love you no matter what happens with your parents, and I will be there with you."

He finally glances back at his phone and starts dialing. "Hello, Mom? Yeah it's me. Oh the test shoot went great in Seattle, I think the director really liked me and I'm hoping to hear back from her next week. Umm, yeah, I'm doing well, but I wanted to ask if you and Dad would mind if I came over for dinner sometime with someone that I want you to meet. Tomorrow night?" He looks at me with inquiring eyes and I nod my head. "Sure Mom that will work, what time should we be there? Ok, 7:00 sounds great and thanks so much. No, I don't want to go into details right now, no Mom! Can we discuss this over dinner? Yes, I'm fine, Mom. No, I did not get somebody pregnant! No, I'm not getting married! Good…Bye Mom! I love you too!" He hangs up the phone and lets out an exasperated breath, "Well that was truly the strangest conversation I have ever had with my mother."

He looks back at me and asks, "Are you sure you are okay with this Jay?" I respond, "Absolutely, Babe!"

_My mind drifts off with the idea of Edward telling his parents that the two of us were getting married._

_Jasper Fucking Whitlock, you did NOT just dream about getting married?! Jesus…what kind of soap-opera are you living in?_

_Shut it!_

My stomach starts to growl, causing me to laugh a little. "So what did you pickup for breakfast?" Edward gets up from the couch, some of the stress easing a little as he grabs my hand, pulls me into the kitchen and says, "I thought we could have omelets and home fried potatoes?" It comes out as a question so I squeeze his hand and say, "That sounds great. What can I do to help?" We reach the kitchen and he hands me a small bag of Yukon Gold potatoes and says, "I'm sure you can do something wonderful with those." He grabs some eggs and several other ingredients from the refrigerator. I glance over and notice he is dicing up cubes of black forest ham along with slices of baby swiss cheese. I grab a knife and cutting board and start thinly slicing the potatoes and inquire, "Do you have any onions and some spicy sausage?" A smile stretches across his face as he sees that I'm enjoying being in my element.

_Does he really enjoy watching me cook? I really need to plan a dinner where I'm cooking in nothing but an apron sometime soon!_

_Fuck! Edward in nothing but an apron…Pay attention, before you cut your damn finger off!_

He points towards a wire mesh basket on the far counter that has onions and fresh garlic bulbs in it. I grab an onion and slice it thinly and then crack a few cloves of garlic, chopping them into fine pieces. I go to the refrigerator and find some spicy Italian sausage on one of the shelves.

I reach down to the cupboard where he keeps his pots and pans and pull out a large skillet. As I look around I catch him staring at my backside. A huge grin forms on my face as I ask, "Enjoying the view?" He blushes and just nods his head.

_I continue my previous thoughts with the two of us in the kitchen naked while we cook. Oh crap, I'm starting to get hard! What is it with me always thinking about food and sex? Who am I, Emeril fucking Stryker?_

_Welcome to the show! Today we will be featuring sausage! The kind you love to eat and just can't get enough of in your mouth!_

I put some heat under the skillet, add some olive oil and begin sautéing the sausage as I break it up. Once it is brown, I add the sliced potatoes, onions, pinch of salt and pepper along with the freshly chopped garlic. I wait for the potatoes and onions to start caramelizing before flipping them over. I glance over my shoulder and watch as Edward finishes whisking the eggs in a bowl and pours them into another skillet he has placed on the stove. He starts adding ham, cheese, and I can't help myself as I slowly walk behind him and slip my hands around his waist. I place my head on his shoulder and quietly whisper, "Babe, you look so fucking adorable when you are cooking!" And I give him a kiss on the neck. My glorious, fucktastic grin is on his face as he says, "You make cooking so much more enjoyable. I never imagined cooking could be so creative." I just smile and kiss him again on the cheek, nibbling his neck, before returning to my home fries.

He finishes the omelets and starts to plate them as I scoop a couple of heaping spoonfuls of potatoes next to them. I grab the plates and some silverware and head to the table. Edward goes back to the fridge and walks into the dining room with a bottle of champagne, a quart of orange juice and 2 crystal fluted glasses. He pops open the champagne, fills each of our glasses halfway full and then pours in the orange juice. We both sit down at the table and this time he takes his glass and lifts it up. I grab mine in turn and wait for him to speak. "Jay, I can't begin to tell you how much you have changed my life over the past couple of weeks. I know there are going to be challenging times ahead for both of us but I can't think of anybody else that I want to go through them with, other than you."

_Oh my God, how can I love this man any more than I do right now!_

I clink my glass against his and can't say anything else other than, "Thank you!" We dive into our delicious breakfast and eat in relative silence as we enjoy each and every bite. We finish breakfast and I help him gather up our dishes as we return to the kitchen and take turns washing, drying and putting the dishes away.

I can tell that Edward's mind is still preoccupied with his family, and decide that we should just spend time together with the two of us in his apartment so I suggest, "Babe, are you ok with us just staying in today and watching movies and enjoying each other's company?" He turns towards me with a soft smile, "That sounds perfect, thank you"

I ask Edward to pick out several movies as I head into the bedroom to grab some pillows and a blanket. We spend many hours, watching various movies, ranging from 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' to 'Prenom Carmen'. I get up several times to fix us something to eat; sliced apples and peanut butter and then again for a simple dinner of sautéed vegetables and some brown rice. We lose track of time until I notice Edward yawning in my arms. We slowly get up, grab the pillows and blankets and head into the bedroom.

We get undressed and crawl into bed. I press my body up against his to snuggle, wrapping my arms around his chest. He falls asleep in my arms as I hear his breathing fall into a calm and quiet pace. I close my eyes and the last words that cross my mind are…

_I wonder what his parents will think of me. Am I good enough for their Edward?_

The following morning I awake with Edward still in my arms, but he has managed to turn towards me and is staring at my face. At first I'm startled a bit but a smile spreads across my face when I say, "Good morning, beautiful! How did you sleep?" A wonderful smile as bright as the morning sun touches his face as he replies, "Surprisingly well, considering all that has happened since yesterday." Then an inquisitive looks crosses his face as he asks, "Jay, why do you want to be with me?"

_WHOA!!!! Where is this coming from?_

I pause a moment as I try and put my thoughts into words, "Babe, I want to be with you because of how you make me feel when I'm around you. There is a part of me that you fill to overflowing with happiness and joy. There are so many things that I want to share with you and be a part of with you, that I just can't imagine not being with you."

_UGH, I'm such a babbling idiot when it comes to putting my thoughts into words!_

I then sit up in bed as I realize how I can tell him, and beckon for him to follow me. I walk out into the living room, still naked and sit down in front of his keyboard. He follows behind me and I can't help but stare at the brilliant sight of him with sunlight streaming in from a window as it falls on his beautiful chest. He comes to stand next to me and places his left hand on my shoulder.

I begin playing the introduction to Jasper's Heart and sing for him once again the reason why I want to be with him. My song comes to an end and I turn to look into his eyes and I see them starting to tear up. I stand, pulling him close to me as I kiss his eyes and cheeks, wiping his tears away with my lips. He places his hands on the sides of my face and says, "Jay, I love you. Thank you so much for opening your heart to me; I know that no matter what happens with my family, I can always count on you to be there for me." He then pulls me closer into a hug.

I finally pull away and suggest, "Why don't we get into the shower, clean up and decide what we want to do today?" He nods his head and takes my hand, heading towards the bathroom. He turns on the water as I grab some towels from the closet. When I reach him, he is getting ready to turn the shower on and I suggest, "Mind if we take a bath instead?" He smiles and pulls the lever to allow the tub to start filling with water. Once it has reached a sufficient level, he turns the water off. He then steps in and slowly lowers himself into the steaming water as he lets out a relaxing, "Ahhh!"

I step in the tub, but instead of sitting in between his legs, I face opposite him and lower myself into the water. He looks at me with surprise in his eyes. I just smile and gently grab his right foot. I begin slowly working my thumbs into the ball of his foot; applying just enough pressure to help relieve some of the tension that has been building over the past day. He lays his head back as I continue to work my fingers from his right to his left feet.

I then reach for his hand and pull him close to me. I give him a deep kiss on the lips and then start to turn him so he gets the idea that I want him to place his back on my chest. I gently kiss him along the neck and then start massaging his shoulders and neck with my hands. By the time the water starts becoming tepid, Edwards is completely relaxed in my arms. I lean forward and whisper into his ears, "Now we can get started on our day." He leans his head back into my shoulder and says, "I wish we could start every day out like this."

_If you only knew how much I would love to start off every day with you in my arms!_

The rest of the day flies by, and before we realize it, it's time to get ready for dinner at his parent's house. The lines of worry and fear are starting to return so I pull him into my arms and say, "Babe, just relax and everything will be fine. So what is the dress code for the evening?" He suggests, "Dockers and a collared shirt should work." I frown, as I have not packed anything along that line and ask, "Got anything that I can try on?" He points towards his closet indicating with his hands that I should help myself. I scan through it, until I find a pair of khaki colored pants and a black polo shirt.

_How fucking awesome is it that we can wear the same clothes! _

Edward has selected black pants with a khaki colored button down shirt which he rolls the sleeves up past his elbows. I look at him and let a small chuckle escapes my lips as I say, "We match! Well almost, just opposite parts." He looks startled and says, "Do you think I should change?" I walk up to him and give him a peck on the cheek and say, "No, you look perfect and I'm sure it will not matter to anybody how we are dressed."

We decide to drive to Edward's parents' house in my car; stopping to grab a bottle of wine on the way. The entire drive there, I'm trying to keep Edward's mind focused on anything but the dinner. We chat about various scenes from the movies we watched the previous night, and I keep my right hand rested on his left, gently squeezing it, letting him know that I am here for him.

As we are pulling up the very long driveway, I begin to feel a little overwhelmed at the enormity of the house that we are approaching. I look at Edward and inquire, "Just what is it that your parents do?" Edward looks embarrassed and quietly replies, "My dad is a director, Carlisle Cullen." My eyes bulge a little as I recognize the name and am a little surprised that I never put two and two together about his last name. "My mother, Esme, was an actress before she met my father on the set of one his movies. They fell in love and were soon married. He claims it was love at first sight."

_So Mr. Cullen, how did you and your beautiful wife meet? Oh really, I know exactly how you feel, when I first saw your son Edward, it was love at first sight!_

_Fucking smooth, Jasper that would fly over like a lead balloon!_

We finally pull up to the very large double doors at the entry to the house. I get out of the car and quickly hurry around to the opposite side to open Edwards's door for him. He smiles as I offer my hand to him as he gets out of the car. He then looks over my shoulder and frowns. I inquire, "Why the long face?" He points to the candy apple red Mercedes parked just ahead and says, "I guess Rose will be joining us for dinner, too."

_Oh shit, Count Homophobula! Well if she so much as opens her mouth to give Edward any crap, I'm going to stuff one of her shoes so far up her…._

I'm brought out of my thoughts by a woman opening the front doors and calling out, "Eddie!!!" Edward winces at his name as she runs towards him, wraps her arms around his shoulders and gives him a kiss on the cheek. I can't help but stare at her as I take in her caramel colored curls that cascade down her face and rest lightly atop her shoulders. Her face is beyond beautiful, with eyes a vibrant green, almost the color of emeralds. She then notices me staring at her and pulls back from Edward and inquires, "Eddie, care to introduce me to your, friend?" Edward blushes slightly and says, "Mom, this is my…um…friend Jasper. Jasper, this is my mother, Esme." She walks towards me and reaches out with her hand extended, which I grasp and bring to my lips as I say, "It is an absolute pleasure to meet someone as radiantly beautiful as you are." I hand her the bottle of wine and say, "I hope you can find a use for this wine?" Esme blushes a little and says, "Oh I like him!" She then motions for us to follow her inside the house as she continues, "Dinner should be ready momentarily. Emmett is in the study with your father; no doubt discussing the latest movie your father is working on. Why don't you go join them and let them know that dinner will be on the table shortly.

I have to will my hand to stop as it automatically reaches out to grab Edward's. We head inside and close the door behind us. The entrance to the house is breathtaking; the entryway is black marble with a pair of large wooden doors to the left—which Edward indicates is the study—and another archway to the right which opens up into the largest living room I have ever seen. Directly ahead is a massive set of stairs that ascend up to a landing about half way up and then split off to both sides, continuing up to what must be the second floor.

Edward nods with his head towards the study and opens the doors, I follow in behind him. The study is lined with floor to ceiling bookshelves all stocked with hundreds upon hundreds of books. At the back of the room is a large wooden desk with various piles of papers strewn across the top, and a laptop. Sitting on the edge of the desk is a man with the frame of a football player. He turns towards us as we enter and I can see that he has jet black hair and deep brown eyes. A wide grin forms on his face as he says, "Eddie! So nice of you to join us for dinner!" He slips off the desk and heads towards Edward and gives him a slug on the shoulder. He then sees me standing motionless and comes towards me saying, "Hi! My name is Emmett, Emmett McCarty." He extends his hand which I grasp in mine, and wince as he clamps down on my fingers with his vice-like handshake. He continues, "So who are you? Eddie has never brought anyone home for dinner before, you must be someone of importance?" I look at him and stutter, "Um…my name is…"

_Jesus Christ, this man is huge!!! Jasper…name! Answer the man!_

"My name is Jasper Whitlock. I am…a friend of Edwards." Emmett raises an eyebrow but doesn't press on with the questions. There is a throat clearing noise from behind the desk which draws my attention towards it. Rising out of the seat is a man that can only be described as a cover model for GQ. He has sandy blonde hair, a chiseled jaw and eyes the exact same color as Edwards. The fact that he only looks a few years older than Edward causes me to question if this can really be his father. But the facial features are far too similar to Edward's own. Edward introduces us, "Jasper, this is my father, Carlisle. Dad, this is Jasper"

Carlisle walks around the desk towards me and extends his hand, which I grasp and shake. He then says, "It is a pleasure to meet you Jasper, welcome to our home." He then turns towards Edward and pulls him in for a hug. Edward then says, "Mom says that dinner is about ready to serve, maybe we should head into the dining room so we don't keep her waiting?" Carlisle nods and starts to head out double doors, followed by Edward and then myself.

_Does everybody in this fucking family have to look like models from a fashion magazine?_

Emmett hangs back momentarily and then as I follow Edward, he quietly whispers, "Eddie's 'friend', eh?" I turn around and he winks at me and my face blushes bright red.

_Holy Fucking Shit! He knows!!! But he just winked at me…could he be okay with Eddie…err Edward and I?_

We finally reach the dining room and the table is set for six. Carlisle indicates that I should take the seat next to Edwards on the right side, while Emmett sits directly across from me. He sits down at the head of the table and in from a side door walks the nightmare of my dreams. She is wearing a royal blue satin dress and matching heels. I immediately get an image from the movie 'The Devil Wears Prada', as she deposits a bowl of new potatoes and a plate of what smells like roasted asparagus. Following behind her is Esme carrying a platter of succulent lamb chops. She places the tray next to Carlisle and heads to her chair opposite him. Rosalie sits down next to Emmett and he leans in to give her a peck on the cheek. She gives him an admonishing look to which he just shrugs, and grabs the bottle of wine that was opened on the table. "Who wants some wine with dinner?" Both Edward and I quickly grab our glasses and say, "Me please!" Emmett chuckles and pours both of us a glass of wine.

_This Emmett guy, he is likable enough but please for the sake of both mine and Eddi…err Edward's sanity, don't make this harder for him!_

Emmett must have heard my thoughts as a smirk stretches across his face and he asks, "So Jasper, how did you and Eddie meet?"

_FUCK!!! Just go right for the jugular Emmett! Fucking Bastard!_

I take long drink of my wine as I quickly glance at Edward for support. He appears to be as lost for words as I am so I hesitantly respond, "We umm, met at a coffee shop and just started talking."

_Damn it! I hope Edward is okay with me using part of my original dream because I sure as hell am not going to say, "I saw Edward in his last movie, fell in love, and wrote him a letter, hoping he would call me!"_

Edward stretches out his foot to rest it against mine. I turn towards him and smile before turning back towards my plate, keeping my head down so I don't have to make eye contact with Emmett. I glance up and see Rosalie staring at me with a look on her face that seems like she just swallowed a fly. I get the immediate image of a venus flytrap and shudder.

A few more minutes pass by in precious silence, then Esme inquires, "Jasper, what do you do for a living?" I look up from my plate into her eyes and smile, "I'm a Technology Architect; I help my company identify new software and hardware technologies to meet various business needs." Emmett mumbles under his breath, "I bet Eddie has lots of hardware needs."

_Fucking Hell, Emmett! Okay, I think I'm actually starting to like this guy! Poor Edward, he looks like he wants to crawl under the table and just die._

Rosalie looks at Emmett; leveling a glare that would stop your heart instantly. For once, I'm glad it isn't me that she is trying to kill with her potent stare.

We somehow manage to make it through dinner without Rosalie stabbing anybody with her fork or Edward falling under the table when Esme stands up and says, "I'm going put some coffee on and get dessert ready." I glance over at Edward and I see beads of sweat forming on his brow. I look at him and try to tell him, with my eyes how much I love him. Esme returns saying, "Coffee will be ready in a few minutes and then we can enjoy a slice of my carrot cake." Carlisle looks expectantly towards Edward giving him a nod. Edward coughs and tries to clear his throat. "Mom, Dad, I have…something that, that I want to share with you." He pushes back from his chair and stands up. He then moves behind my chair and as he places his hands on my shoulders, he continues, "Jasper is more than a 'friend' of mine." He squeezes my shoulders tightly, as if he needs them to keep him from fainting right then and there. "Jasper and I are…boyfriends." Rosalie gets up saying, "I think I will go and check on the coffee now." Carlisle says, "Edward, are you telling us that you are a homosexual?" Esme responds, "Dear, they use the term 'gay' not homosexual." I look towards Esme and give her a big smile.

Emmett gets up from his chair…

_Oh fucking crap…what is he going to do now?!?_

He heads over towards the two of us and grabs both of us in his arms saying, "Eddie my boy, it is about fucking time you found somebody to make you happy. Every time I see you, you always have this look of a martyr, going through life as if it was a chore and not something to relish." He releases us from his bear hug and continues, "Jasper, you had better take good care of my younger brother, because if you do anything to break his heart, I will hunt you down and make you wish that you never laid eyes on Eddie." He then slugs me in my upper arm, smiling a huge ass grin.

Esme gets up from her chair and pulls Edward into her arms saying, "Oh Edward, you have been so lonely for far too long. I'm overjoyed that you have finally found someone that makes you happy." She then levels the most gorgeous smile towards me, "And I like him a lot!" My cheeks begin burning as a blush starts to fill them.

Carlisle pushes his chair back and we all turn towards him as he asks, "Son, I want you to know that your mother and I love you no matter what path your life takes you down. I just want to know if you are ready for some of the hardship that the two of you will encounter as you walk this path?" Edward replies, "Dad, I'm not sure what we will have to deal with in the future." Rosalie walks back into the dining room with a silver coffee service and places it on the table. Edward grabs my hand and entwines his fingers in mine as he continues, "But I do know that I love Jasper, and I'm willing to face those challenges, knowing that we will do it together."

_Oh My God! Jasper, don't you fucking dare shed a tear!_

I squeeze Edward's hand tightly as I work very hard to keep my emotions in check. Rosalie huffs causing Emmett to respond, "Rosie darl'n, don't be such a prude. Eddie-boy is in love, can't you just let him love who he wants and not get so hung up on the fact that Jasper is a guy?" Rosalie's face screws up in a grimace as she says, "I think I need to go and lie down, I'm not feeling too well." She then heads out of the dining room.

Esme says, "Why don't we enjoy some coffee and dessert. Edward, would you mind helping me?" Edward follows her into the kitchen and they return shortly with 5 plates, each with a large slice of carrot cake layered with cream cheese frosting. I grab the silver coffee pitcher and start pouring into the cups, passing them around. We sit down to enjoy our desserts and coffee, chatting about various idle topics. I press Esme for details on the recipe for the delicious carrot cake. Finally, when we are finished, I get up and start helping Esme clear the plates and bring them into the kitchen. As I'm rinsing the plates off in the sink, she turns to me and says, "Jasper, I know that I just met you for the first time but I cannot help but feel comfortable around you. It brings me no end of joy to see Edward so happy and I know that is because of you."

_Well Hell! Now I see where Edward gets all his fucking adorability from!_

I dry my hands off and reach out my arms and she happily steps into them for a hug as I say, "Esme, you have no idea how happy your son makes me feel. It is I who is overjoyed because he has let me become a part of his life. I also am very honored to meet you and your family and feel very welcomed, for the most part." She laughs and says, "Don't let Rose bother you too much, she has a lot of issues she needs to deal with and it takes her a while to come to grips with them."

We head back into the dining room just as Carlisle is getting up from his chair and says, "Dear, would you mind helping me review this script that I'm working on?" She smiles and happily follows him out of the room.

Emmett has pulled a chair around and motions for me to sit down, next to Edward. He then says, "I probably should not be telling you this but I think it is important for you to know, so you might understand why Rose is so…difficult about your relationship. Eddie, you know that she and I have been trying to have a baby for a couple of years now right?" Edward nods his head. "It has always been Rose's belief that marriage between a man and a woman was created so they can carry on the next generation. And with the two of you, that is not really possible. To make matters even worse, we heard from the doctor, a couple of weeks ago, that we might not even be able to have children. It has crushed her and she has been going through these mood swings ever since." My eyes open wide and before I can respond, Edward says, "Em, I'm so sorry to hear that! I know how much it means for Rose to have kids. If there was anything that I could do, I would do it." Emmett smiles and says, "Thanks bro, but I think she just needs some time to adjust. I guess I just wanted to let the two of you know that Rose doesn't really hate you; I think it is her outdated view that relationships between two people can be about more than just having kids. She will eventually come around, I'm sure of it."

I sit there stunned, as all the images of the evil dragon lady fall away, leaving a very scared girl who wants more than anything else, to have a child and knows that she can't. My heart expands just a bit wider to make room for this wonderful woman.

Emmett then leans in closer and says, "Oh and this whole gay thing between the two of you, I'm totally okay with that." He looks around to make sure that nobody else is in the room with us and then whispers, "There was this one time in college when my roommate and I got pretty drunk off our asses. We were wrestling around on the floor and one thing led to another and before I knew it, he was giving me a blowjob. Now mind you, it was fucking amazing but I had to tell him that I just wasn't that into guys."

Edward turns towards Emmett and says in shock, "Emmett!!! You fucking whore! All these years you have been a closet fag and never told me?" That shit eating grin is on Edward's face and I know that he is yanking Em's chain. Emmett laughs and says, "Nah, Rose is all the woman I need." He then turns towards me with a raised eyebrow and says, "But your Jazz is kinda hot!" My cheeks immediately burst into flame as I blush furiously. Edward grabs my hand, pulling me close to him saying, "Hands off! He is all mine!" I lean in and give him a deep and passion filled kiss. I lose all thought of where I am in his kiss. It is Emmett who clears his throat saying, "Umm…ladies, would the two of you like a room?"

**A/N Continued: Emeril Stryker is a reference to Emeril LaGasse (famous chef BAM!) merged with Jeff Stryker (famous gay porn star) for those of you who might not understand the reference.**


	17. The Day After

**A/N: The Beta love is expanding, thanks so much to Sarah and my slashbians K&B/A for your great input!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight; I just dream and write about some of the characters.**

**Chapter 17: The Day After**

I was driving us back to Edward's apartment, having just left his parents; when I reach out for his hand, entwine my fingers with his, and pull it into my lap. He looks over at me and sees the huge smile stretching across my face and says, "I wish I could read your mind right now." I glance at him and reply, "I was just thinking about one of the happiest moments in my life." Edward inquires, "Care to share?" I smile even wider and reply, "You telling your parents, 'Jasper and I are boyfriends.' I thought my heart was going to leap out of my chest when I heard you say that." Edward starts to blush as he puts his head down and looks into his lap. He finally looks up and says, "I think that was the scariest and most exciting thing I have ever done. My heart was racing but after I finally got it out, I felt completely relieved. Thank you so much for being there with me."

_Thank God that went well! I really need to do something for Emmett! For all his joking, he really helped to lighten the mood and what a fucking awesome guy to tell us about his little 'BJ' experience. _

_Hmm, what do you get for a guy like Emmett as a 'thank you' present…_

I keep his hand clasped in mine the entire way. I select my 'Quiet Mood' playlist which consists of various artists ranging from Samuel Barber's, 'First Essay for Orchestra, Op. 12', to Secret Garden's, 'Love Dance'. Edward's smile is still in place as he says, "You have such a diverse range of musical tastes, I never thought I would find somebody that enjoys such a wide range of musical styles as I do." I return his smile as he reclines back in his seat, letting the music seep into him. I steal glances over at him to see if he is sleeping but he has become lost in the music.

_Whoa! Look at what the music is doing to him, he is peaceful and content. I just want to snuggle up against him. Focus on the road, Jasper!!!_

We reach Edward's apartment, head through the front gate, and up the elevator. He unlocks the door and holds it open for me to enter. He follows me inside, closing the door behind him. I turn around slowly, walk up to him, place my hands around his neck, pull him close to me and give him a soft kiss on the lips. Then I pull back just slightly and say in a quiet tone, "Babe, would you be up for some music tonight?" A look of confusion crosses his face. I continue, "I could not help but notice how much you were enjoying the music on the ride home, and I was hoping that you would be willing to play something on the keyboard tonight…with me?" His look of confusion is replaced with one of joy as he says, "I would love to, Jay."

He reaches up and takes one of my hands, pulls it down as he entwines his fingers in it walking me over to the keyboard. He indicates that I should take the seat in front of the keyboard; he heads into the dining room to grab a spare chair and returns to sit down next to me. I sit and wait for him to begin. He places his wonderfully long, graceful fingers on the keyboard and starts experimenting with different riffs and melodies. I am mesmerized just watching his fingers glide across the keys, listening intently. I finally join him playing Secondo while he continues playing Primo. We each take turns listening and adapting to what the other is playing as we move through the melody. I can't put into words the feelings going through me as we spend the next hour letting the music flow freely, expressively, through us.

_I wish I could take this sound, this feeling and wrap them around the two of us like a blanket. _

_Okay Jasper, come down from Cloud Nine and your surreal experience!_

We finish our impromptu duet, I slowly get up and motion for him to continue playing as I head to the couch, laying down and letting myself fully relax. My eyes close and I'm just listening to nothing but the beautiful sounds coming from the keyboard as Edward continues playing. The next thing I realize, he is gently rubbing my shoulder, urging me to wake up. "Oh Babe, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I fell asleep but the music you were playing was so relaxing. I became completely lost in it and must have drifted off to sleep."

He places his hand in mine and slowly pulls me up with him and leads me into the bedroom. We get undressed and slip into bed, snuggling up close to each other. We drift off to sleep with our legs entwined and his arms wrapped around my chest.

I awake in the morning with Edward's wonderful cock pressing up against my backside, through his boxers. I gently push back into him, eliciting a moan from him. I tilt my head back, smiling and say, "Well good morning to you!" He returns my smile, runs his lips along my neck and up to my ear, and gives it a gentle kiss saying, "I was wondering how long you would be sleeping this morning." His arm is still wrapped around my chest as I place my hand over his and squeeze it. "Who in their right mind would want to get out of bed when he has such an amazing snuggler wrapped around him?" He squeezes me tighter, nestling his head into my neck and shoulders.

We spend another fifteen minutes enjoying the fucktacular feeling of our bodies pressed up against each other; holding on to one another as tightly as possible.

A smirk forms as I say, "Well, you could have 'woken' me up if you wanted to!" He whispers into my ear, "And just how should I have done that?" I respond by pressing my ass back into his still erect cock. A little laugh escapes as he says, "Well, umm…not sure if I would be ready for that but…" and then he begins kissing me along my neck, running his lips up to my ears, sucking in my lobe. His right hand moves along my chest until he reaches my nipple and he gives it a squeeze, causing it to become hard, instantly. A moan escapes my lips and I twist around in his arms so we are facing each other. I lean into him, pressing my lips against his and suck in his lower lip. He opens his mouth allowing my tongue entrance. We kiss deeply and passionately as I place my right hand on his hip, gently pulling him towards me, and then I roll over, pulling him with me so he is lying on top of me.

I can feel his cock twinge as it brushes up against my own rock-hard erection. He deepens the kiss as my hands reach around to his wonderfully firm ass and grab two handfuls. He responds by thrusting his hips into my pelvis causing both of us to moan at the same time. My thumbs reach under his waistband and I slowly start pulling his boxers down. He lifts up off of me just enough so I can continue pushing them down. He rolls off of me momentarily so he can remove them and then places his hands on my own boxers and starts pulling them down, slowly. He kisses all along my waistline as I lift my hips off the bed so he can easily remove them the rest of the way. He then starts kissing along the inside of my legs as he slowly moves back towards my pelvis.

He begins running his tongue along the backside of my dick, causing it to pulse up into his lips each time he reaches the tip. He is torturing me with his slow, deliberate efforts to taste every inch of my dick. I finally moan out, "Fuck Babe, you're killing me!" I look down towards him and that fucking amazing grin is on his face.

_You fucker! You are enjoying the crap out of this torture…OH FUCK that feels good! Okay, keep doing that…._

He looks up at me and says, "What do you want me to do to you Jay?"

_Like he doesn't already fucking know!!! I want to kiss you at the same time you are giving me a mind numbing blow job!_

My breath is coming out in pants now, "I want….you to…OH GOD, Keep doing that, I mean, suck me Babe! Take it all the way inside…FUCK!"

Just as I'm asking him to suck me, his lips descend over my painfully hard dick, causing a fuckbomb to go off in my head.

_Jesus, where did this man learn to have such a…OH FUCK…great tongue?!?_

He increases his pace as his left hand grasps the base of my dick and squeezes it hard. His other hand moves to grab my balls and he massages them with his thumb while gently pulling them downward. My head falls back on the bed and I start to arch my back saying, "Oh Fuck Babe, I'm going to cum!" His lips tighten firmly around my dick, his hand tightens around my base, and he pulls my balls causing me to leap off the edge as I explode in his mouth. His lips never leave my dick until he is absolutely sure he has tasted every last drop of my powerful orgasm. I slowly drift down from my high as he crawls up the length of my body and reaches my face. I see this angelic visage staring at me with a look that I have not yet seen on his face before.

_What is that look on his face…can it be, well FUCK ME, he is proud of what he just did. Or maybe it is how he made me feel!_

I reach out and run my hands into his hair, grabbing a firm hold and pull him into me, crashing our lips together. I push my tongue against his lips, begging to enter his mouth. He happily complies and I run my tongue around the inside, trying to get the remaining taste of myself, mingled with the lusciousness that can only be described as Edward. He pulls away, catching his breath and says, "Whoa, did you really enjoy it that much?" All I can get out is a, "Umm…FUCK!"

I then reach down to his hips and slowly pull him up, towards me, hoping he will get the idea that I want him to scoot up onto my chest. He quickly understands what I want him to do and pulls himself up and sits down on top of my chest. His cock is standing straight up at full attention as I lean up into it and lick the base. I adjust the pillow under my head to give me the proper angle and place my hands on his glorious ass and lift gently. I look directly into his eyes, making sure that he is comfortable with what I want him to do. At first there is a look of shock but as I continue moving him into place so his cock is aligned with my mouth and I slowly push his ass towards me, taking every delicious inch of him into my mouth; his expression changes to one of raw pleasure. He lets out a moan, "Oh Fuck Jay…that feels…amazing!"

I place my hands on his hips and guide him through the thrusting motions, setting a pace for him follow. It doesn't take him long to take over as he starts thrusting his wonderful cock in and out of my moist lips. His head rolls back several times as he lets out moan after moan. It doesn't take him long before I can feel his cock start to pulse and his breathing is coming in ragged breaths. He looks down at me, right into my eyes and says, "FUCK, can't hold it any…UGH!!!!" He thrust one last time deep into my throat; I almost gag but keep my lips firmly locked around his cock. His hands grab the headboard and he explodes in my mouth. His eyes widen and I can see his irises are a deep shade of blue and there is a look of sheer joy that passes across them as he rides the waves of his orgasm. I make sure I get every last drop of his delicious juice before I pull back slowly and release him from my mouth. He rolls off of my chest and crashes into the bed, completely spent. I move over towards him, cradling him in my arms and look directly into his eyes and say, "Yeah, that is how much I enjoyed it!"

_Jesus! I will never get tired of watching him cum. Each time is so different from the last and I can't help but feel like he is experiencing something that he never has before. _

We sit there for minutes just holding each other close until finally I suggest, "Shall we take a shower and grab some breakfast?" He smiles and says, "Didn't we just have breakfast?" I laugh heartily and say, "Well yeah, but I think we will need something a little more substantial if we plan to do anything today."

We both reluctantly get out of bed and head into the bathroom. He turns the shower on and as we wait for the water to warm up. I reach around him from behind, wrapping my hands around his chest and pull him close into mine. I lean my head into his shoulder and brush my lips against his ear and whisper, "Love you!" He tilts his head back smiling as he says, "Love you more!" A smirk forms on my lips as I say, "Nuh-uh!" The same smirk is on his face as he says, "Yuh-huh!" Then we both burst into laughter and say, "Emperor's New Groove! I love that movie!!" We step into the shower, each taking turns lathering up the other's hair and body.

_I will never get tired of running my hands through his silky locks and across his wonderful body!_

We rinse off and step out of the shower, toweling ourselves dry. We move into the bedroom to get dressed when he inquires, "What would you like to do today?" I ponder a moment and suggest, "How about we go to the grocery store and see what looks good for dinner tonight?" He smiles and says, "That sounds like a great idea."

We head out the door, down to the front entrance and get into my car. Edward gives me directions to a local store nearby. I pull into the parking lot and we get out of the car and head to the entrance. We go inside and I grab a hand basket so we can collect the items for dinner. We first head to the fresh produce area, as I usually build a meal around what vegetables look the most appealing. I grab a verdant bunch of asparagus and some fresh spinach. I'm about to suggest a menu idea to Edward when two women who are also perusing the produce area start giggling loudly and cautiously approach Edward.

The first woman is a brunette with shoulder-length hair. I estimate she is in her early thirties as she asks, "Excuse me, but would you happen to be Edward Cullen?" He graciously smiles and says, "Yes I am, how may I help you?" The second woman with light brown hair, cut short so it frames her face squeals and lunges towards me, thrusting a cell phone with a camera into my hands saying, "Would you mind taking a picture of the two of us with Edward?" I put the basket down on the ground and position the cell phone while the two women flank Edward, one on each side. He puts on a smile that I can tell is forced as the two women wrap their arms around his waist. I snap the photo and hand the phone back to the short-haired woman. She then snaps several pictures of Edward and even one of me. Then they happily skip off, still talking to each other in hushed tones.

_UGH...talk about leeches! Jasper Whitlock, did you just experience a twang of jealousy over these two women?_

_Well they had their hands wrapped around him like he belonged to them!_

_Yep, that would be jealousy! Oh just shut the fuck up!_

_Definitely, jealous!_

I pick up the basket and look at Edward and inquire, "How often does that happen to you?" He sighs and says, "More and more it seems lately. I feel like I can't walk down the street or into a store without somebody recognizing me. I guess it comes with the job." I then give him a puzzled look and say, "I can understand why they would take a picture of you, but why did she snap a picture of me?" He shakes his head, shrugging his shoulders and I decide to just forget about it.

To lighten my mood, I share my idea for dinner, "How do you feel about roasted asparagus wrapped in prosciutto and chicken stuffed with spinach and feta cheese?" He gives me a look of amazement and says, "You just got all of that from looking at a couple of vegetables?" I sheepishly nod my head. "Wow Jay, you really have an artistic mind when it comes to cooking." I just smile at him as we continue gathering the remaining items for our dinner.

We pass through the wine aisle and I grab a bottle of La Crema Chardonnay which I know will pair perfectly with chicken. Then we head into the checkout lane; the cashier begins scanning the various items and she looks up and sees Edward standing next to me. Her eyes widen as she recognizes him but keeps scanning the remaining items. Before she is even done, Edward is handing her his credit card. I look at him with a glare but choose not to say anything. The woman is still staring at him with a look of shock and she stutters, "Could I…I see your ID sir?" Edward laughs and shows her his driver's license. She reads the name and gasps before recomposing herself. She scans his card and hands both his ID and card back. Once the purchase is approved, she hands a pen and the little paper slip to Edward for his signature. He quickly signs the receipt and she looks at his signature at the bottom. We gather our items in the reusable bags that I brought in and quickly head out the door. I glance over my shoulder and I see the checker talking with the woman in the aisle across from her and she is holding up the receipt that Edward just signed. I roll my eyes and head to my car.

We get into my car and as we are pulling out of the parking lot, Edward's stomach growls and he looks at me with a sheepish grin and says, "How 'bout we stop at this coffee shop along the way and grab a pastry and something to drink?" I nod my head and start following his directions. It only takes us a few minutes to reach the coffee shop and my eyes open wide as I see the sign next to the coffee logo, "Cinnabon!!!! Oh I love their cinnamon rolls!" Edward has a huge grin on his face as he says, "Me too!" I park the car and we head inside. There are several people ahead of us but the line appears to be moving fast enough. We reach the cashier and Edward orders, "I would like a Chocolate Mocha Latte, a cinnamon roll and…" he turns towards me for my order. I look up and decide, "I'll have a large iced coffee with cream and sugar, please." The cashier writes the order on our cups and gives the total to Edward. He hands her the credit card and once again, there is that wide-eyed, shocked look as she recognizes the name printed on the card. She looks up and makes the connection. A huge smile forms on her face and she looks like she is about to ask him a question and then blushes and finishes processing his card. She boxes up the cinnamon roll and we step aside to wait for the barista to complete our order. We grab our drinks and head out quickly to the car and drive back to Edward's apartment.

I am practically drooling in my seat as I smell the warm cinnamon roll that is resting on Edward's lap.

_Mmm cinnamony, gooey goodness! I glance over at Edward's lap and can't help but get an image of some icing covering other yummy parts of him. _

We make it back to his apartment without getting into an accident which is a miracle because I don't remember turning on any streets until we arrive out front. We head inside, up the elevator and into his apartment. We head into the kitchen to put the groceries away and I take his coffee and mine and place them on the counter. I then open the box containing the cinnamony gooey goodness and sweep my index finger through the rich icing. I reach over to Edward and place a small amount of the icing on his lower lip. He licks it up greedily and takes my finger into his mouth to get at the rest of it. I pull my finger out slowly and then replace it with my own lips. My tongue runs along his lower lip, getting just a hint of the sweetness. He opens his mouth and I deepen our kiss.

_God damn I love kissing him! _

I start to moan into his mouth as I taste the wonderfully sweet flavors of him and the icing combined. It is then that a low grumble issues from my stomach. My face widens in a huge grin and I finally pull away saying, "I guess we should finish putting the groceries away and eat something." Edward smiles brightly, giving me another quick and deep kiss and then starts putting items away. He grabs a couple of napkins, forks and picks up his coffee and the cinnamon roll and indicates that I should follow him. I grab my coffee and head into the dining room.

We sit down and enjoy the rest of the cinnamon roll, each giving the other looks of what we would like to be doing besides eating this luscious bun of gooey sweetness. Somehow we manage to keep from attacking each other across the table and head into the living room to watch some movies until it gets closer to dinner time.

Around 4 o'clock, we head into the kitchen so we can prepare dinner together. Edward preps the asparagus while I sauté the spinach with some garlic. Once that is finished cooking, I find a cutting board and knife so I can cut pockets into the chicken. I then combine the spinach and garlic with the feta cheese, stuff it into the pockets and brown both sides of the chicken in some butter and olive oil. Edward rolls the asparagus in slices of prosciutto, placing the spears on a sheet pan, drizzling them with olive oil and sprinkling with salt and pepper. I transfer the sauté pan to the oven just after Edward has placed the asparagus on the top rack.

Time seems to fly by in minutes instead of hours. The chicken and asparagus turn out perfectly and compliment the wine wonderfully. We clean up the dishes and adjourn to the living room to watch some TV while snuggling in each others' arms. All too soon, I realize I need to get on the road back home so I could get some sleep before starting another work week.

_Home…why does my place seem so unlike home and I feel like I'm on a business trip when I have to leave Edward's place?_

**A/N Continued: If you are wondering what Primo and Secondo is referring to; in terms of playing a piano duet, Primo is the person on the right that is playing what the right hand would normally play while Secondo sits on the left playing what the left hand would normally play.**


	18. Girl's Night Out

**A/N: The Beta Love is never ending, thanks so much to Sarah and my slashbian crew K&B/A…love you better than my luggage!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight; I just dream and write about some of the characters.**

**Chapter 18: Girl's Night Out**

I make it home safely; manage to go inside and get my clothes ready for work the following day. I remove all my clothes and crawl into bed. I look over at the clock and wonder if Edward has gone to sleep yet. I decide to risk a chance and pull my iPhone off the nightstand and start texting,

**Jasper:** Hey Babe, I just wanted 2 shoot U a quick msg and say that I had a 1derful weekend with U and I miss U already.

**Edward:** Hey Jay, I was just thinking about U2! My pillow just doesn't seem 2 feel as good as U do in my arms.

**Jasper:** Mmm, U have no idea how much I wish it was me in your arms instead of that pillow!

**Edward:** Yeah, I think I have an idea of how much I want you in my arms right now :)

**Jasper:** UGH, UR killing me babe! Well just know that I will be thinking of U in my dreams 2nite and I look forward 2 our next weekend! XOXO

**Edward:** Right back ya Jay!

I return my phone back to the nightstand; set the alarm and press play on my iPod as the song 'Closer' by Kings of Leon starts. I drift off to sleep thinking about how much closer I want to be with Edward.

I awake the next day when the alarm goes off, slip out from between the sheets and head into the bathroom for a shower. I finish washing my hair, shaving and drying myself off and I head back into the bedroom to get dressed. I put on the clothes that I had selected the previous night.

Upon coming into the kitchen, I am greeted by two happy faces and wagging tails as I quickly go over to give them morning loves. I open the door to the fenced backyard and let my two babies out. My fur babies are a male chocolate lab named Hershey and a female golden lab named Diva—yes, she really is a Diva and I love her to death. The dogs return inside and wait patiently for their treats. I grab my gym bag and assorted snacks before giving them kisses on their foreheads and heading out the door for work. I am lucky that the "kids" are well tended whenever I am away, especially now that I have been going to LA to be with Edward. I know they have plenty of fun playing with Auntie Ally and Uncle Jake, both of whom have a great affinity for dogs.

I make it to work without killing anybody which is a miracle because there was a driver in the passing lane that felt obligated to drive 55 miles per hour.

_What goes through these idiots minds when they sit in the 'passing' yes it is a PASSING lane and they aren't passing a fucking person but being passed!?!?_

_Do they think it is their solemn duty to uphold the posted speed limit by backing up as many cars behind them as possible?_

_Fucking idiots!_

I settle down in my office and start going through the emails from the previous day as I listen to my voicemail messages. My day appears to be quite full in the afternoon, with meetings stacked back-to-back until it is time for me to leave. I sigh as I try and get as much accomplished in the morning, in preparation for the new list of 'To-do's' that will invariably result from my numerous meetings.

I leave my office and head down the hall to check my mailbox for the daily influx of junk - vendor surveys, assorted magazine subscriptions and the occasional seminar notification. As I'm pulling the mail out of my box, Jane Volturi is heading down the hall chatting with another female co-worker and she has a magazine in her hand. I normally ignore the idle gossip which fills the halls until she calls out a name that causes me to stop and listen.

"Can you believe this crap they are posting in today's Scoop? Supposedly, Edward Cullen has been seen several times with this 'Mystery Man'. Who the hell cares about the guys he is hanging around?"

She flips a page and then shows what I assume is a picture of Edward to the co-worker as a dream-like expression appears on her face.

"Doesn't he look amazing? He is the type of guy that I could seriously fall in love with. In fact, I think I'm already in love with him! Do you think I should write him a letter? Do you think he actually reads letters he receives from his fans?"

I roll my eyes as I head back to my office and begin to wonder what this might bode for our relationship. Is Edward ready to start dealing with these accusations about the 'Mystery Man'? Is he even ready to acknowledge that there is a man in his life? Am I ready to deal with being the 'Mystery Man'? Hundreds of additional questions start forming in my head as I start to feel a panic attack coming on. I'm pulled out of my mini mental spiral by the meeting request reminder flashing before my eyes. It is a subtle reminder that I need to focus on work and my next meeting. I will have to deal with these other issues later.

The rest of the day goes by swiftly and I barely have enough time to make it from one meeting to the next. Luckily one meeting was canceled, so I manage to make it to the gym and grab a sandwich on the way back to the office for my last meetings. The next thing I know, it is time to head home.

_Is it really home or just a place that I eat and sleep at when I'm away from Edward? I wonder what Edward is doing right now?_

The next couple of days seem to run together as I'm sequestered in various meetings which leave me very little time to dwell on my near panic attack at the beginning of the week. It is Wednesday afternoon when I receive a call on my cell and I'm overjoyed when I recognize the voice on the other end. "Hey Jay, its Edward. I wanted you to be the first to know! I got a call back from the casting agent for the movie I auditioned for in Seattle. They want me for the lead role!!!"

A huge smile forms on my face as I reply, "Oh my god that is fucking awesome, Babe! When do you start shooting?"

Edward responds, "They want me to fly up this Friday and shooting will start immediately. It looks like they are behind schedule already and the director wants to get some key scenes shot while the weather is still nice."

_A moment of anguish settles into my chest as I realize that I won't be able to see my Babe this weekend. But I do my best to keep these feelings to myself; I don't want to take away from his excitement._

_**You knew there would be times when he would have to be away from you because of his line of work.**_

_Yeah but why does it have to be so damn soon?!?_

I reply, "Babe, I'm totally excited for you about this new job. I'm positive you will do an outstanding job!"

There is a moment of silence and then Edward finally asks, "Jay...are you going to be okay with this? I'm not sure how long I will be away filming."

_Fuck! It is time to put your best face forward Jasper!_

I reply, "Yeah…, I will be fine as long as you promise me to keep in touch when you can."

Edward replies, "I promise Jay, and when I have a break in my schedule, I will let you know so we can plan a get together, just the two of us! Well, I need to get some things packed and ready for Friday, but I wanted you to be the first to know. I will call you once I make it to Seattle."

I smile as I think about the two of us getting together in the future and say, "Sure thing, Babe! Have a safe flight and I look forward to your first break in the shooting."

_Well shit! This is really going to be the true test of our relationship. How long can I last before I slip into total 'Edward' withdrawal? He is like an addiction for me._

_**You know it isn't healthy to be so dependent on any one thing or person, right?**_

_Why do you always have to be so damn sensible?_

_**Somebody has to keep this crazy town in your head together, don't they?**_

I pass through the rest of my day in a haze as I find it difficult to focus on my projects and assorted tasks. At the end of the day, I somehow manage to drive home, change into comfortable clothes, fix myself something to eat and realize that I have been sitting at the dining room table, staring at my fork and not eating a single bite. I feel a wet nose nudge my leg and look down to see Diva's upturned head giving me a soulful expression that only a dog can have. I scratch behind her ears; thankful to be pulled from my reverie.

_Jesus, I'm missing him already and he hasn't even left yet. Fuck, fuck, fuck – even the dogs are noticing!_

_**Damn it! Jasper Whitlock…do you want to make this damn relationship work or don't you?**_

_Of course I do! _

_**Well then pull your head out of the damn hole you buried it in and uphold your end of the promise. You WILL not let his absence ruin the rest of your life. There are plenty of things you can do without him; starting with eating your damn dinner, playing with your babies and then watching something funny. And none of that love-sick romance crap where you get all squishy and shit!**_

After my internal pep talk, I manage to finish my dinner, clean my dishes, play fetch with the dogs and head into the living room to find something funny to watch on TV. I scan On Demand and find a couple of movies that interest me. I decide on _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_ and before long, I find myself laughing along throughout the movie.

Laughter seems to be just the antidote as my dismal mood lifts by the end of the movie. I flip over to the Food Network and watch a couple of episodes of Rachel Ray before I decide to head to bed.

The next day at work is another open-faced crap sandwich of meetings! Then three additional meetings get added to my full schedule because it is physically impossible for some co-workers to grasp the concept of "action items" - the tasks they are supposed to complete _before_ we reconvene!

"Susan, were you able to document the basic steps, outlining your departments ordering process?" I get a blank look like I just asked her how to order a sandwich in Turkish.

_Oh come, the fuck on?!?!? How hard can this be? Step 1 – Select Customer, Step 2 – Input items requested, and Step 3 – print the fucking order!!! _

_Why am I an island surrounded by a sea of idiots?!?!?_

_Breathe Jasper…just take a deep breath!_

I finally prompt, "Need another day to complete this step?" She nods and I have to schedule meeting number three for what should have only taken one.

My Friday is pretty much a repeat of the previous days but I'm forever grateful when I get a call from Alice in the afternoon.

"Hey Jay, how has your week been? Got any big plans scheduled with the man of your dreams?"

I chuckle and say, "This week has been a complete and utter drain of every ounce of mental energy I have. These damn leeches I work with will settle for nothing less than sucking out my last ounce. As for the weekend, I have no plans. Edward just got the role for this new movie which is filming up in Seattle. He flies out today so I'm on my own for a bit."

"Well, that is awesome that he got the gig. I know that sucks for you Jay, but don't let it get you down. What do you say that you and I grab dinner at PF Chang's and then grab a movie at the mall?"

"Ally, you are a savior! You don't have plans with Jacob this weekend?"

She laughs and says, "Nah, he is running around with his pack of friends on some 'guys only' camping trip."

I can sense her eyes rolling just by the tone of her voice. "So that means that I get to have you for the entire weekend?"

There is a pause and she finally responds, "Well…Saturday night, me and a couple of my girl friends were planning on getting together to play some games and I was thinking….if you wouldn't mind making just a couple of hors d'oeuvres? Oh, and we would love to have you join us for 'Girls Night'" She giggles.

I laugh heartily and say, "You just have to ask sis and I would be happy to whip up some treats. 'Girls Night' huh, I guess that sounds like fun. We can plan the menu over dinner. What time should I pick you up?"

She says, "Hold on, checking movie times. How about going to see the new Star Trek movie? That Chris Pine is one hot tamale! Okay…looks like the 9:00 movie is our best bet, so how 'bout you pick me up at 6:00? We can do some shopping at the mall, eat at 7:30 and catch the movie afterwards."

I can't help but love my sister for how organized she always is and say, "Star Trek works; yes, Chris Pine is fucking hot; 6:00 is fine, but as long as it is only light shopping and not one of your marathon adventures that results in me having to rent a U-haul to get the shit back to your place!"

She lets out a peal of laughter saying, "See you at 6:00 my dear brother!"

The rest of my afternoon glides by smoothly and I head home to let my babies run around the yard, and change from my work clothes into something more casual before I head out to Ally's place. I leave my place at 5:30, allowing enough time for traffic to get to Ally's and pick her up. Twenty minutes later, we find parking at the mall and I'm being whisked off, heading from Abercrombie & Fitch to Zales-- though of course Alice shops at Tiffany's for new earrings! We single-handedly help to keep several stores in business and work our way back to my car to stow the numerous bags from our 'not-so-light' shopping excursion.

We arrive at PF Chang's, get seated and place our order for Chicken Lettuce Wraps and two glasses of La Crema Chardonnay. I look at Ally and say, "So, for this little soiree of yours tomorrow night, do you want just light finger food or something more substantial?"

She thinks for a moment, "I think something with substance because we are planning on drinking while we play."

I raise one eyebrow but continue on, "How about warm spinach & artichoke dip with pita chips, turkey meatballs with my special BBQ sauce, assorted veggies with my cream cheese, green onion and ranch dipping sauce and for dessert, fresh fruit with Chantilly Cream?"

She stares at me for a moment and then laughs, "You never cease to amaze me, Jay. How easily you can come up with food ideas with little or no input. Those sound great! Just let me know what items I need to pick up and you can head over around 4'ish so we can get everything pulled together?"

We finish our dinner along with another glass of wine and head out to the movie. The movie is fantastic and on our drive back to Ally's place, we get into a conversation about who Chris Pine would have a better time with given the choice of either one of us. I win the debate when I suggest my homemade cream cheese icing covering Chris' buns.

I drop Ally off at her place and as I'm heading home I get a voicemail reminder message. I check my messages and there is one from Edward, "Hey Jay, I just wanted to let you know that I have made it safely to Seattle, picked up my bags and I'm heading to my hotel. I hope you are having a great evening. Miss you, lots! Call me before you go to bed tonight."

I get home, get undressed and crawl into bed as I grab my phone and call Edward, "Hey Babe! I'm glad you made it to Seattle safely. How was the flight?"

He laughs saying, "It was pretty good, and I only had one request for an autograph which was from the flight attendant. How was your evening?"

I smile as I reply, "It was pretty good. I had dinner with Alice and then a movie afterwards. We got into a discussion about who would Chris Pine want to sleep with, her or me. I think I won that point."

I'm pretty sure he has my fucking grin on his face when he asks, "Oh really, and why is that?"

I laugh and blush a little at the same time, "Well, I made a reference to cream cheese frosting and his ass."

Edward lets out a little moan, "UGH, I would like to rub some of that frosting all over you right now."

_Fuck Me! Warm, sweet and sticky gooeyness! UGH!!!_

"Babe, I would let you rub anything you want, all over my body right now if I were there with you! I really wish I had you in my arms right now."

He lets out a chuckle, "Well, on my first break in shooting, I'm going to hold you to that! I'm exhausted from my flight so I think I'm going to turn in early. Just know that I will be thinking about you and have sweet dreams. I love you, Jay!"

"I love you too, Babe…miss you bunches and can't wait to see you again! Have a great first day tomorrow!"

The next day, I get up, play with the dogs for a bit and head to the gym in the morning. I get back home, take a shower and decide that I should grab some of the items for tonight's 'Girl's Night' festivities. Last night, Alice suggested I bring Hershey and Diva with me, "Just in case Daddy needs to crash on the couch."

_What am I getting myself into tonight and how much drinking is planned? As long as they don't try to dress me up and give me a manicure, I should be able to make it through the evening._

4:00 finally rolls around and I grab my bags of food, pack up the car, get the dogs settled in the backseat and head over to Alice's house. By the time I arrive at her apartment, the place is completely decorated with assorted candle holders with votives and she is setting up a make-shift bar on top of an old chest of drawers she converted. There are a dozen wine glasses neatly arranged in a row along with several bottles of wine. She is also lining up several shot glasses. _I guess I now know why she told me to bring the dogs._

I give her a kiss and head right into her kitchen and get to work. I plug in the crock pot I brought and add the turkey meatballs while I put a sauce pan on the stove to make the BBQ sauce. To the pan I add diced shallots and garlic with a little olive oil and let them sweat. Once the onions are translucent, I add tomato sauce, tomato paste, molasses, brown sugar, balsamic vinegar and a dash of dried mustard. I bring it all to a boil and then pour it over the meatballs.

Next, I move on to the warm artichoke dip. This is an all-time favorite and so easy to make. In a single bowl I make quick work of the mixing together all the ingredients, scrape it into an oven-safe dish and place it in the oven to let all the ingredients melt together. I pull out a platter and arrange pita chips around the outside; leaving room for the baked, bubbly goodness once it is done. The dip for the vegetables is a combination of softened cream cheese, diced green onions, sour cream and roasted garlic. I pull all the ingredients together in a silver bowl and arrange the veggies around the outside of the bowl on another platter.

Finally, I make the Chantilly cream by whipping some heavy cream, powdered sugar and a splash of Chambord. I put this into a bowl and store in the refrigerator. As a special treat, I also place a third bowl on top of a sauce pan with water and start melting some semi-sweet chocolate, a tablespoon of espresso powder and some heavy cream. I know how much Ally likes my ganache and it will go so well with the fruit and wine.

By the time I complete all my preparations in the kitchen, Ally is opening a couple bottles of wine so they can breathe just as the first guests start to arrive. Apparently, Alice has invited most of her friends and she is introducing me to them as they arrive. First to arrive is Jessica, then Emily and Leah, followed by Beth who hands a bottle of Patron to Alice with a big smile on her face, next is Kat, Susanne and finally Angela. Ally makes a point to introduce her as one of my "teammates" causing both of us to blush bright red. Everybody gives me a hug and welcomes me into the fold with open arms.

I set out all of the food in buffet-style on the dining room table so everyone can get snacks at their leisure. No sooner is the food on the table, and then the ladies descend upon it. I feel like I have been transported into a food orgy based on the moaning sounds coming from many of the women. Alice then says, "You owe your delicious moans to my brother here." She moves close to me and continues, "Have you ever made so many women moan?" My face heats up as it turns bright red.

To my relief, Ally recommends that we start the games with Pictionary. We split into three teams of three. Beth quickly proposes we add a rule variation each time a team successfully wins their turn; they get to make a rule that everybody must follow or take a shot of Patron. The rules start out pretty simple; for example, anytime you want to get another glass of wine or champagne, you look at Alice and say with a Cockney accent, "Mistress Alice, can I 'ave anothah, please?" It starts going downhill when Susanne adds the rule that you have to draw with your opposite hand and if the team that is drawing can't make the correct guess, they have to drink instead of everybody else.

Needless to say, Pictionary quickly turns into Drunk-tionary, with most of the Patron quickly disappearing. Then Alice suggests that we all sit in a circle on the living room floor and talk about who makes our 'Famous Fuck List' - a list of famous people with whom you want to jump into the sack. The room quickly dissolves into giggles and rather than everyone taking a turn, the women start yelling out names of actors with whom they want to "do the deed".

**Alice: **"Alex O'Loughlin, Taye Diggs, Jason Momoa and Russell Crowe in his fucking Gladiator outfit!"**  
Susanne:** "Shemar Moore, Sting, Owain Yeoman and oh I will definitely add Jason Momoa as well."**  
Kat:** "Hugh Jackman, Mathew McConaughey, Joe Flannigan,"and then blushes as she says, "Edward Cullen."  
**Angela:** "Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, Julianne Moore and Jeri Ryan."

I down the rest of my wine and say with a drunken flourish, "I completely agree with Kat. Edward Cullen is fucking hot. He is the only guy on my list! Oh wait a minute; if you have already had sex with him, can you put him on the list?"

Alice turns to look directly at me and says, "Jay, you have had way too much to drink, you are crashing here at my place tonight!" The rest of the girls all begin laughing as they interpret my comments as an obvious joke.

_Oh my Fuck! Did I just say that I slept with Edward Cullen??!?! I look at Alice's expression…oh Shit!_

The rest of the night winds down with most of the ladies taking cabs to return home. Angela also crashes at Alice's place since she drove. I insist that she sleep on the couch and I will take the floor, when Alice states, "Angela can sleep with me in my bed." She turns towards Angela saying, "And you, missy, know that we are just 'sleeping' so you better keep your hands to yourself. Jay, that leaves the couch for you." Both Angela and I chuckle at her comments and get ready to sleep. Just before passing out, I silently thank Alice for saving my ass during my fucktacular slip of the tongue as well as having me bring Diva and Hershey with me.


	19. The Drive Home

**A/N: Sorry for the long delay on this chapter. RL has been crazy with a vacation and several major projects at work being dropped into my lap. Thank so much for your patience and PM's of encouragement! All my love to Sarah and my slashbian crew K&B/A!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight; I just dream and write about some of the characters.**

**Chapter 19: The Drive Home**

I awoke the next morning, to a cold nose on my arm and a lick on my face. I slowly open my eyes and realize that Diva wants to go outside. I feel like I have been sleeping on a lumpy sack of potatoes and wonder why my head feels like a tunnel during morning rush hour traffic, with every car, truck and motorcycle driving through it? I pull myself up off the couch and open the back door so Diva and Hershey can go out for their morning business.

I return to the couch and put my head in my hands, trying to block out all the noise around me. I glance up at the coffee table and see a clear bottle, resting on its side, with all of its contents gone, as if they had been poured out for everyone to see. Then it hits me!

_Holy. Fucking. Shit._

_I just spilled, in front of all these women, that I have slept with Edward fucking Cullen!_

_Oh dear God. Fuck, fuck, I'm so completely fucked! I don't know these women. What if they tell the tabloids about us? _

_How could I be so stupid?!?_

I lower a vengeful stare at the upturned bottle with pure hatred. I try and place all the blame on this inanimate object as I reach for it, grasping it in a tight grip. The next thing I realize, the bottle is flying through the air towards the opposite wall, tumbling end-over-end. It hits the wall and shatters into hundreds of pieces along with my tenuous hold on my emotions.

_You are a fucking idiot, Jasper Whitlock! How could you lose control like that?!?! _

Alice walks into the living room, takes one look at the shattered glass against the wall and says, "What the fuck, Jay? If you want to break shit, go to your own house and do it!" She then looks over towards me, sees my head in my hands with my fists tightly clenched. She comes over to the couch and sits down beside me, placing her hands on my shoulders.

I turn towards her and explode, "Why in the hell did you invite me over here in the first place? Was it your plan to get me drunk so I spill all my shit about Edward and me to all of these strange women?" Alice drops her hands from my shoulders as she rises from the couch to stand in front of me, stabbing me in the chest with her index finger saying, "Stop right there, Jay. I didn't get you drunk. I didn't spill your shit. So don't take it out on me. Besides, those are my friends."

Just then, Angela walks into the living room and clears her throat, "Umm, sorry if I'm interrupting a family discussion here, but I should be heading home. Thanks so much, Alice, for letting me crash at your place. You are the best friend a girl could ask for and I had an amazing time last night." She gives Alice a hug and a peck on the cheek, turns to me and says, "It was nice meeting you, Jasper. Oh and don't beat up on your sister. I would take a look in the mirror and see who the real cause for your distress is." She then heads out the door.

_Oh crap! How much did Angela hear? Will she say something? She is right about one thing…this is nobody's fault other than my own._

Alice sees the look on my face and says, "Angela is a very good friend of mine. I know you just met her but she would never do or say anything about you. I trust her completely."

I stand up, grab Alice in my arms and pull her in for a tight hug. "Ally, I'm so sorry for taking this out on you. I know it was all my fault and you were just trying to get me out of the house to have a good time with you and your friends." She squeezes me back and says, "You are forgiven Jay, but no more Patron for you! It brings out the worst in you!"

We both laugh as we hear a scratching at the back door. I smile and suggest that I clean up the broken glass before letting the dogs back inside. I properly dispose of the glass, as Ally lets the dogs back inside. She already has treats for them in hand and tells them to sit, giving them one treat each. I give Ally another hug and thank her for the great time I had…well up until I blurted out my confession about Edward and I sleeping together. Definitely no more Patron for me!

I gather the rest of my stuff and load it into the car as Ally brings the dogs out. She opens the back door and they happily jump into the back seat. The back windows are rolled down so they can stick their heads out and enjoy the breeze on the way home. I wave goodbye to Ally and pull out of the parking spot and begin my journey home.

I look in the rearview mirror to check on Hershey and Diva, noting how happy they are just enjoying the sunshine and the breeze on their faces. On a whim I decide to take the kids to Coronado's Dog Beach. What the hell – the dogs are already in the car, I have their toys from our stay at Alice's and playing with the dogs at the beach sounds way less pathetic than moping at home.

As far as dog beaches go, Coronado's is top notch - it is well-maintained and leash-free for the dogs to romp, run and splash while socializing with the other dogs. I am hoping the fresh air will help me with my hangover as well as the internal pity party I was starting to throw for myself at Ally's as I recalled my jackassery of last night and this morning.

I easily find a parking spot on Ocean Boulevard, grab the dogs' leashes from the front seat, pop the trunk to get some tennis balls for fetching and a couple of towels for wiping off feet and paws. Next, I leash Diva and Hershey for the trot to the beach. The dogs get their freedom once we hit the beach but I am not adding a $1,000 fine ($500 for each dog!) to my shitty day. Of course, the dogs know exactly where we are headed so now they are dragging me in tow to the beach – well let's call it my work-out for the day because the gym's just not happening today!

As soon as we pass the first sign indicating the entrance to the dog beach, I unhitch the leads on Diva and Hershey, allowing them to roam freely. In spite of my mood, I have to laugh as the two of them take off like excited toddlers, bounding straight towards the water to splash and frolic. I spread out a towel and sit down; dropping the tennis balls next to me as I watch my babies run off. I quickly take in my surroundings, noting that the beach is not too crowded yet since it is only mid-morning on a Sunday.

_People are probably still in bed; sleeping, cuddling…How I wish I were in bed with Edward right now and doing more than just snuggling! _

_Was it just a week ago that he had his luscious lips – oh and that fucking amazing tongue – wrapped around my dick!?! And that look of supreme pride on his face after swallowing every last drop of my orgasm. But even better was the sheer joy I saw in his eyes, right before they closed in ecstasy, while I sucked him off as he sat on my chest. _

_Why is this pull towards him so strong? We have only known each other for three weeks and I feel like I'm missing a part of me when he is not around._

Before I can give any further time to my daydreaming, I am suddenly sprayed as both dogs shake out their coats only inches from where I am sitting. Well the good news is that hard-on is no longer a real issue, but the bad news is that I am sandy and wet! My attention is back on Diva and Hershey which is where it should have been. I reach for the can of tennis balls and stand for a proper round of fetch. They are both now fully focused on me or at least the magic can with the balls in it.

"Sit" I tell both of them and they instantly plop down in the sand. Diva as the younger dog still thinks she is a puppy, so she has tons of energy to expend. I need to send her off first if Hershey is ever going to have a chance with his ball. "Hershey, down, stay" I command and he instantly moves from a seated position to lying down.

I take out one of the balls to show Diva and fake pump throwing it towards my left down the beach. She bolts after the non-existent ball, wildly searching. I give a sharp whistle to get her attention back to me and show her the ball in my hand which I now pitch as far as possible to the right of me. "She is a silly girl, isn't she, Hershey? She falls for that trick every time. Alright boy, your turn." Hershey gets back into a sitting position and he too is ready to take off. This time I throw the ball to the left of me which is soon followed by the bounding chocolate lab. Each of them returns to me with their balls which I continue to hurl in various directions. After several fetches, both dogs seem to have lost interest in their now very slimy, entirely soggy and slightly squashed tennis balls. I watch as they return to chasing each other along the edge of the water, content to play in the gently breaking waves.

With a sigh, I sink back down onto the towel, sitting with my legs crossed. Leaning back on my arms, I raise my face to the sun, closing my eyes and enjoying the warmth on my face. With this simple act of relaxation, my mind starts reeling as I have instant perfect recall of my dumbass statements from last evening's debacle.

"_I completely agree with Kat. Edward Cullen is fucking hot. He is the only guy on my list! Oh wait a minute; if you have already had sex with him, can you put him on the list?" _

_What the fuck was I thinking!?! Well, obviously, fuckwit, you weren't thinking and you let the Patron loosen your lips._

_God, I know those women are Alice's friends but what if they clue into the fact that I am the 'Mystery Man' featured in Friday's Scoop. Would they actually contact that rag and give them my name? I am sure that those tabloids are just drooling for that kind of shit to fall in their laps and they are willing to pay for that dirt. Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck!_

_Worse case scenario is that someone does call one of the tabloids, they write and print the story, it ruins Edward's career and he wants nothing to do with me ever again. OH. MY. FUCK. My chest is constricting and breathing is extremely difficult… dear God, maybe I am having a heart attack!_

_**Alright, Jasper, let's pull the crazy train back into the station and not go plummeting off the cliff of insanity! **_

_**First of all, Alice is your sister, whom you trust and love. Her friends are not going to sell out her brother to some rag. Besides, everyone was drunk and talking about 'Famous Fuck Lists.' They all probably assumed it was wishful thinking on your part or just some joke.**_

_**Secondly, this is not the first time shit about the two of you has been published or are you very conveniently forgetting your lovely introduction to Rosalie, Edward's fire-breathing, homophobic bitch of a sister. **__Oh yeah, that's right! She came in with some shit article that had a picture of us at Ruth's Chris. Yum, Ruth's Chris and that chocolaty fucking goodness...mmmm _

_**Jasper focus, damnit!**_

_**Now, you do need to think about talking to Edward. You have not spoken to him since The Scoop article was published – you owe it to him to find out how he feels. **_

_I will give Edward a call tonight when I get back to my place and had a chance to eat and pour myself a glass of wine. I wonder how he is doing with the movie shoot. Does he miss me as much as I miss him?_


	20. Tub Time

**A/N: Well it looks like RL just doesn't want me to relax and write. I'm trying to find time to keep working on chapters but they are slow to come by. Thank so much for your patience and PM's of encouragement! All my love to Sarah and my slashbian crew K&B/A!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight; I just dream and write about some of the characters.**

**Chapter 20: Tub Time**

I finally make it home from the beach with two very sandy and slightly damp dogs in tow. I bring the dogs inside, open the back door and let them run outside to do their business and hopefully shake off some of the sand. A smile forms on my face as I think about how carefree it must be to have the life of a dog – at least one of these two spoiled beauties!

After a few minutes, they quickly return back inside and I tell them, "Sit!" They both happily comply and I ask "Where are the cookies?" Both dogs immediately head into the kitchen with me following close behind. Hershey is looking up at the top shelf in the elongated pantry, staring right at the box of dog biscuits. I grab one for each of them, gently pat their heads and give them each a treat. They run back into the living room and find a place to stretch out and quickly devour their well-deserved cookies.

I open a bottle of cabernet, leaving it on the counter to breathe, and head to the bathroom, to fill the tub with water. I have decided I will take a bath to help my mind and body relax and then give Edward a call and see how he is doing. I light a couple of candles and place them on opposite corners of the tub. I return to the kitchen to retrieve the opened bottle of wine, a wine glass and the portable phone before returning to the bathroom. Diva is following right behind me and I kneel down and tell her, "Sorry sweetheart but Daddy is going to relax in the tub and you can't join him."

_If I didn't know better, I would swear she was pouting. Can dogs pout? Well I think Diva can!_

I close the door behind me and slowly remove my clothes, letting each piece drop to the floor, one atop the other. I pour myself a glass of wine, giving it an appreciative sniff, allowing the earthy mix of smells to tickle my nostrils. I place the glass on a candle-less corner of the tub along with the phone, taking care to not drop either into the steaming and inviting water. I step into the tub and gently sit down in the water, letting my skin become accustomed to the hot liquid as it quickly disperses its warmth throughout my body. I take a sip of the wine and then fully stretch out, sliding down in the tub until the water comes up to my neck. I exhale slowly, letting all the day's tension, emotions and thoughts drift out of my body. Once I am fully relaxed, I reach for the phone and dial Edward's cell number.

The phone rings a couple of times before I hear his golden voice, "Hey there, Jay!" and I realize that he is trying to conceal a yawn.

"Aww, Babe, you must be exhausted. How was your first day?"

He laughs and says, "It was quite intense to be honest. I had very little time to prepare for the particular scenes that we shot today but the director said that the spontaneity was exactly what was needed. The weather was great so she tried to shoot as many scenes in the park as possible."

_My poor man is being worked to near exhaustion and I'm not there to soothe him in my arms. What I wouldn't give to fly up there right now! Why hasn't anybody invented transporters yet??!!_

I let out a gentle sigh, "I'm sorry I'm not there to hold you in my arms until you fall asleep."

He sighs, "Mmmmm…that would be really wonderful right now. What are you doing?"

I smile and reply, "I'm sitting in a candle-lit tub, enjoying a glass of Cabernet, and wondering why you aren't here with me."

I swear that I can hear a grin forming on his face as he says, "Oooh reeeally?!?! So you're naked, in a tub and thinking about me?"

"Uh-huh."

He continues, "And just exactly what were you thinking about me doing with you in the tub?"

I slide down just a little more into the hot, intoxicating water, lather up a cloth and begin to slowly wash up and down my body, "You are taking the wash cloth and rubbing it along my chest, paying extra attention to my nips." I pinch my right nipple as a low moan escapes my lips.

Edward purrs into the phone, "Oh yeah. Then I continue gently washing down your abs and let the cloth slip from my fingers as it comes to rest along your waist. My fingers begin to caress up along your thighs, squeezing your wonderfully muscular legs and then my hand slides under the water towards your warm and soft balls. I cup them in my hand and massage them gently."

My hand trails down to do exactly what Edward is whispering into my ears, I let out a low groan, "UGH, Babe, you know how to make me feel so good!"

_Am I having phone sex with the most delightful man – the man of my dreams? Yes and damn does it feel great!_

He chuckles and says, "Oh, but I have yet to begin to make you feel good. I gently pull on your balls as your hips buck upwards."

_FUCK!!! Does this man have complete control over my body or what, because my hips automatically buck in time with his words!_

He continues, "As your hips rise out of the water, your beautiful cock beckons me with a twitch and I'm helpless to resist its call as my hands slide under your back and then down to your wonderfully tight ass and pull you towards me until you are resting on my lap."

_OH. MY. GOD! _

"Then my hands grasp each cheek firmly as my own hips buck up into you. UGH…your ass is so warm and inviting Jay. You don't know how much I want…"

_Oh please say it baby…tell me what you want to do with my ass!_

A few seconds go by and I can hear him panting, "Tell me what you want to do with my ass, Babe. Is your dick pushing up against it?"

He pants, "Uh-huh."

_Are we ready for this? Well, he has been thinking about it obviously. _

_**It is just phone sex…let yourself go and see where it leads!**_

I have a firm hold of my own cock right now which is aching for release. "I gently push down on your dick and look into your eyes."

He moans even louder, "FUCK Jay!"

I continue, "I reach under to make sure you are aligned and push down slowly, inch by inch, until you are completely inside me. How does that feel, Babe?"

He murmurs, "Oh fuck yeah, Jay! It feels so tight and warm and my hips thrust up into you. I wrap my hand around your aching cock and slowly at first I begin to push up into you at the same time I'm running my slick, wet fist down your beautiful cock. Damn! You feel so fucking awesome! I continue timing my thrust with my hand, letting you feel every inch of me. OH GOD, I'm getting so close, Jay, you have to come for me. Please come for me, Jay!"

My hand picks up the pace as I imagine him sliding in and out of me, with each amazing thrust he brings me closer to the edge until finally I yell out, "Oh Babe, I'm coming!"

It only takes a few more seconds and I hear him scream, "Fuuuuck! Me tooooo!" I ride the wave of my orgasm and completely relax in the water.

_Okay, where in the hell did that come from and how do I get some more of that but in-fucking-person, not just over the phone???_

I grab my wash cloth and rinse off my chest and say, "I don't know where that came from but I have to admit, I really loved the hell out of it!"

I hear him chuckle and finally say, "Well, I have been thinking about you a lot lately and how much I want to experience so many things with you. I want…no, I need for you to share every part of me and I want to share every part of you too, Jay. I want to completely make love to you with all that I am."

_Why in the hell does he have to be so far away from me right now?!? I need to hold him tight in my arms._

_**Take it easy there; don't get all clingy on him.**_

I exhale slowly and say, "So have I, Babe! Just think of what it will be like when we are back together in each other's arms."

He yawns again and sleepily replies, "I can't wait Jay! Speaking about that, I should have a small break in the shooting and I was wondering if you would like to get away for a short, maybe 3-day weekend?"

A huge smile forms on my face as I ask, "Which weekend would that be?"

He laughs, "Not this weekend but the following, umm I think that is May 8th or so?"

_UGH, 2 weeks until I can see my Baby?!?! FUCK that is going take forever!_

_**Well at least you get to see him. It could be a lot longer than that.**_

_Oh whatever, I will take what I can get as long as it means I will have him in my arms again._

I collect my thoughts and reply, "Sure, that sounds like fun. I will put in for that Friday and start checking on flights. I will let you know once I have all the information firmed up and give you my flight information."

He yawns again.

"Babe, I should let you get some sleep, you sound exhausted. It was so nice to hear your voice and I can't wait to see you in a couple of weeks."

He laughs a little and answers, "Thanks, Jay, for calling and sharing your bath with me. I am so looking forward to seeing you – all of YOU. I hope your work goes well and just think two weeks will fly by in no time! Love you bunches."

I grimace but keep my voice regulated and say, "Love your more! Sleep well Mr. Man."

I hang up the phone and wonder…_What am I going to do for two long, fucking weeks?_


	21. No Words

**A/N: I hope the last chapter was enough to "wet" your appetite and hold you over until this chapter. All my love to my slashbian crew K&B/A!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight; I just dream and write about some of the characters.**

**Chapter 21: No Words**

I wake up Monday morning and commence with my morning ritual: get out of bed;, take care of my bathroom needs before I let the dogs out to do theirs, and jump into the shower. I round out my bathroom routine by shaving and brushing my teeth before I let the dogs back in, making sure to give them both a treat for doing their business, finish getting dressed and finally grab some snacks for the day as I head out the door to work.

Such is my life, boring and predictable.

_What I wouldn't give for a little bit of change or just something different._

_**Be careful what you ask for!**_

_Whatever! I'm a change embracer, I can handle change._

_**Uh-huh, keep telling yourself that.**_

I pull into work and head to my office, passing by the mailboxes to check for any new mail. As I approach, I notice Jane is whispering at a rapid pace with another co-worker and abruptly stops her conversation. The subject of their discussion must have something to do with me because she looks at me with wide eyes and then quickly walks away in the opposite direction. As she departs, I notice that she has a magazine in her hands she is trying to roll up and keep me from seeing. The other woman she was chatting with heads down the hall towards me; she briefly meets my eyes and then her gaze swiftly shifts back down to her feet as she passes by me.

_What. The. Fuck?_

I grab my mail and head to my office, sit down and turn on my monitor. I open my email and start checking my voicemail messages while scanning through the new items in my inbox. I'm about halfway through my voicemail messages when Paula walks into my office and stands in the doorway. I motion that I'm on the phone but she silently forms the words, "I will wait."

_Hmm, this must be important if she is willing to interrupt me while I'm checking messages on the phone. I guess the rest of these messages will have to wait._

I hang up the phone and motion for her to sit down in the spare chair in my office. She pauses for a moment, closing the door behind her and for the first time, I notice that she has something in her hand. She sits down placing a magazine face-down in her lap and hesitates. She opens her mouth a couple of times but nothing is coming out.

I tell her, "Paula, just spit it out! What has you so pensive all of a sudden?"

She tries to give me a smile but it quickly fades and she flips over the magazine and I see the title, "The Scoop".

I chuckle a bit and say, "When did you start reading that garbage rag?"

She shakes her head and finally says, "I…I normally don't read this kind of trash but when I…overheard a couple of girls in the office talking about an article they had just read and your…name was mentioned, I had to see what they were talking about. I know this is none of my business and if you want me to stop, just let me know." I nod for her to continue and she opens the magazine to an article that she has marked with a yellow Post It tab.

"There is this article and there are a couple of pictures in it…pictures of you and…Edward Cullen."

My jaw drops as she turns the magazine around. I can see the photograph of Edward and I having dinner at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. I have a flashback to the amazing dinner that we enjoyed and try to theorize how a photo of the two of us got into this salacious waste of ink claiming to be 'news'. It takes my brain a few seconds to process the memories and I recall when those two girls came over to our table to take our picture. This is the same picture that Rose threw in Edward's face from the "National Enquirer"! Only this time it is accompanied by additional photos - one of Edward and I at what appears to be a grocery store and finally one of Edward and I leaving a coffee shop.

_How in the hell did all these photos end up in a single magazine?!?! Who sent them?_

I glance at the title of the story under the first photograph and gasp loudly, "**Mystery Man – Friend, Family or Secret Lover?**"

Paula leans forward and places a hand on my knee and says, "It was Edward Cullen that sent you those chocolate flowers, wasn't it?"

I continue to stare at the magazine, horror-struck, unable to tear my eyes away from the title that is screaming back at me. She gently squeezes my knee.

"Jasper, I know it is none of my business but I want you to know that I don't have any problems with you being gay and I don't care who you're dating. It just pissed me off to overhear some of the gossip hounds in the office talking about you behind your back."

At this point I'm shocked out of my trance when I hear the words, "…talking behind your back." I look up at Paula and ask, "They are talking about me? What are they saying?"

Paula leans back in the chair and sighs, "I wasn't actively listening in on their conversations but I have heard Jane make several remarks about you and believe me, they weren't very complimentary."

_Fucking Great! Now I'm going to be the center of office gossip, led by none other than that harpy, Jane "I want to be the fucking Mrs. Edward Cullen" Volturi. That bitch is going to be major pain in my ass!_

_**So, how are we doing with that change you wanted in our life?**_

_Oh, shut the fuck up!! I don't want to hear another word about this and if you even think the words "I told you so" I'm going to find a way to give myself a lobotomy and remove your sarcastic ass!_

_**Atta boy, embrace that change!**_

_Fuck my life!_

Paula stands up and says, "Jasper, please know that I hope you consider me enough of a friend to feel comfortable talking with. I really don't want to see you get hurt by this vicious gossip. I have never seen you happier than when you received those wonderful roses. Please don't let some jealous pack of bitches ruin your happiness."

I force a smile and say, "Thank you Paula. That means a lot to me, but this is a lot to process right now." She nods her head, opens the door and closes it behind her.

I look back to the article and begin reading through it. I feel like somebody has just stolen my diary and published it on the Internet for the entire world to read. While most of the article is a complete fabrication--"What will Edward's girlfriend, K Stew think of him having an affair with the 'other man'?"

_Like he would even date somebody like that shrew?!?!_

_**Looking a tad green there, eh? Jealous of a rumor that isn't even true?**_

_Shut it!_

I continue reading and one particular line causes me to panic, "We sincerely hope that this 'Mystery Man' is just a friend or possibly a business partner of his because there is no way somebody as gorgeous as Edward Cullen would be willing to jeopardize his career and alienate many of his loyal, female fans. It would be such a waste and tragedy."

_Jeopardize his career…_

_I…Could I cause Edward's career to suffer?_

My phone rings and shakes me out of my dismal thoughts. I don't even glance at the caller ID and pickup the receiver, "Jasper Whitlock speaking, how can I help you?"

A high pitched voice responds to my greeting and I mistakenly take the caller for a woman until he introduces himself. "Good morning Mr. Whitlock, my name is Eric, Eric Yorkie and I wanted to know if I could ask you a couple of questions?"

I don't recognize this joker's name and I am certainly in no mood to talk to a salesperson on a cold call. I pause and then inquire, "Questions about what?"

He continues, "I wanted to ask you how long have you and Edward Cullen been dating?"

_WHAT IN THE HELL?!?!?!_

I yell into the phone, "WHO IN THE HELL ARE YOU?"

He calmly replies, "I told you already, my name is Eric Yorkie and I work for "The Scoop".

I can feel my face begin to burst into flame.

"How in the hell did you get my phone number? I don't have anything to say to you and don't ever fucking call me again!" I slam the phone down and let my head fall into my hands.

_Oh my fucking God, this is not happening to me! Why is this happening to me?!?_

I spend the rest of the morning trying to pull my head out of the tailspin it has been spiraling in. I need to calm myself just enough to so I can attend the team department meeting and present the timeline for one of my projects that goes 'Live' starting next week. As I'm delivering my update at the meeting and have everybody's undivided attention, I cannot help but wonder…

_How many of them know about Edward and me? There can't be that many that read that piece of shit rag! But what if Jane opens her vile mouth and tells others about it?_

_SHIT! Where was I?_

I stutter and quickly try to refocus my thoughts on the project timeline, finish my explanation and take a seat. I see Paula sitting across the room from me as she gives me an expression of encouragement and silently mouths "Great Job!" I have to laugh at myself because I know that was probably one of my worst presentations ever.

I have no clue where the rest of my day goes as it is a complete blur but I miraculously make it home without wrecking my car and find myself sitting on the couch with my hands in my lap as I mentally go numb. I'm not sure how long I just sat there but I'm jolted out of my lassitude when a cold, wet nose is gently pressed up against my arm. I look down and see Hershey. He seems to know that something is bothering daddy and rests his head in my lap. I rub behind his ears and a smile forms on my face. It is truly amazing how pets know when their human companions are ill or experiencing sadness or stress. All it takes is their simple presence and unconditional acceptance and love to bring a little bit of happiness to help lift a darkened mood.

I let the dogs out one last time and check to make sure they have enough food and water in their dishes as I head into the kitchen. I open the refrigerator in search of something to eat but absolutely nothing looks appealing. I grab an apple and bottled water, knowing I need to at least get something in my system. Hershey scratches on the back door, letting me know they are ready to come back in. I give each of them a treat and decide that I really don't want to watch any TV and head to the bedroom to try and get some sleep. Diva jumps up on the bed and settles herself between my legs while Hershey is stretched out along my side.

I awake the next morning and repeat my daily routine before I head off to work. I get to work and I'm feeling extremely wound up and tense. I realize that my angst is centered on the events that took place the previous day and I wonder what I'm going to do. I finally decide that I need to call Edward and tell him about the article before he reads it himself, or even worse, if somebody on set reads it and brings it to his attention.

I call his cell number but he doesn't answer. I figure he is probably busily working on a scene and doesn't have the time to answer his call. I leave him a message, "Hey Babe, I hope your day is going well for you. When you get a chance, could you please give me a call? I have something that I…you should know about."

A couple of hours later, my cell phone rings and I see that it is Edward. I close my office door as I answer his call.

He says, "What's up, Jay? I got your message and was a little worried so I called you back as soon as I finished shooting my latest scene." I pause for a few moments, not knowing where to begin the conversation.

"Jay? Is everything okay? You are scaring me."

I sigh and say, "Babe, you have you read" The Scoop" lately?"

He laughs. "Oh please, tell me you are not reading that trashy rag, hon?"

I continue, "Well…normally I never would read it but a co-worker of mine brought it to my attention. There is an article in there and it is about…you…and me." I can imagine his brows furrowing at my last comment.

"Huh?"

So I continue, "The article is titled, 'Mystery Man – Friend, Family or Secret Lover' and there are pictures of you and I from that night at Ruth's Chris along with a couple of others from when we were grocery shopping and at the coffee shop."

His voice is laced with panic as he asks, "What do you mean there are pictures of you and I…Mystery Man? Secret Lover?!? What are they saying about us?"

Alarms start going off in my head as my trepidation increases. Words begin to tumble out of my mouth as I frantically try and explain.

"Well, they um, are not coming out specifically calling us lovers, but they are speculating about: who I am; if you would be foolish enough to jeopardize your career by getting involved with a man; how upset your girlfriend will be to find you cheating; and how scores of women will hate me for 'turning you gay'." I am practically panting as I finish summarizing the sordid story in a single sentence. Breathe, Jasper, breathe!

He cuts me off, "What? Jeopardize my career and who in the hell is my girlfriend?"

I try and muster a laugh, "Well, they think you are dating K Stew from your previous movie and they are calling me the 'other man'."

My hysteria is reaching epic proportions when Edward blurts out, "What the fuck am I going to do? This cannot be happening to me. Where are these leeches getting this kind of shit? What is my agent going to say when she finds out about this? We have got to keep this covered up…Fuck! It is already printed. I know, I will have my agent make a statement, something about you being a business associate of mine and we were having a dinner to discuss an up-coming film."

I sit there dumbfounded and repeat the phrase, "Business associate?"

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP! I jump up in my bed and realize that my alarm clock is going off and I'm covered in sweat and my heart is about to burst from my chest.

_Oh fucking no!!! It was just a dream right? There is no way in hell I'm going to call Edward and talk to him about this. What if he really freaks out like that? What if he doesn't want to be with me anymore? What if…_

_**What if you step back from the cliff and try and take a deep breath? You know that Edward would not react that way, so just try and calm the fuck down.**_

_Yeah but…"Business Associate"_

I jump into the shower and turn the water on, letting it get as hot as I can possibly stand, hoping that the water will scald away these haunting memories. I finish my shower and thank God for autopilot because I have zero recall on how made it to work.

I walk into the office building and head down the hall towards the mailboxes and I'm jolted out of my stupor by the sight of Jane who is there busily chatting with yet another co-worker, next to the copier.

_Is that bitch setting up an office in the middle of the hall? Since when did the copier become a meeting room for her own private entertainment?_

She sees me coming, nods her head in my direction and gives me a disgusted look as she turns to walk in the opposite way. I grab my mail and head back to my office, falling into my chair and just sitting there for several long minutes.

Paula steps into my doorway and asks, "Jasper is there anything I can do to help?" I look up at her, force a smile and shake my head.

She says, "How about I stuff Jane's skinny ass into the copier and have it shipped to another country?"

I chuckle and I say, "That would be wonderful – perhaps an island inhabited by cannibals. Thanks so much for putting a smile on my face, I really needed that."

She returns my smile, "Happy to brighten your day, even if for just a brief moment."

The next couple of days follow the same repetitive pattern as those before them. I'm finding it harder and more difficult to haul myself into work each and every day. The weekend arrives and all I want to do is lock myself away in the house, cuddling up with a good book or maybe watch a good movie. I scan through the various movie channels and come across one on Logo called "Latter Days" starring Steve Sandvoss.

The movie is almost over when I start watching. It is the climatic reunion scene where a desperate Aaron enters Lila's restaurant and is chatting with her as Christian walks in, carrying the platter of food. A startled Christian sees Aaron and drops the tray as they rush towards each other to embrace. I completely lose it at this point. My eyes blur as tears are beginning to streak down my face and I can feel the sobs working their way up inside my chest.

Of course, it is at this most inopportune time that Edward decides to give me a call. I glance at my phone and if it was anybody other then Edward, I would have ignored the call. However, I click the answer button and put the phone up to my ear and hear, "Hey hon, how is your weekend going?"

I sniffle and try and silence the sobs that are in my throat by this point, "Umm…I'm good sniffle." I can hear the deep concern in his voice.

"Jay, what is wrong? Why are you crying? Is everything all right?"

I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down and reply, "I'm fine Babe, I was just watching a movie on Logo. You called right at the scene where the two lovers see each other for the first time, after thinking that they would never see each other again but there they stand, right before their very eyes. I was a bit overcome and started crying. Everything is okay. I'm just a little emotional right now."

He asks, "What is the name of the movie?"

I tell him, "'Latter Days' with Steve Sandvoss."

He laughs a little, "Steve who? I don't think I have ever heard of that movie before."

I chuckle and tell him, "Google Steve Sandvoss and you will see." I hear Edward shuffling around and I assume he is grabbing his laptop and hear him typing away on the keys.

He says, "Whoa…he is fucking hot looking!"

I laugh a little and tell him, "I would love for the two of us to watch this movie when you get back. It is a great story and the crying was out of happiness so I think you will enjoy the movie as much as I did."

Some of the concern seems to have left his voice but he still asks, "Are you sure everything is okay, hon? Is there anything else bothering you?" I pause a moment…

_Should I tell him about the article? What if__he reacts the way he did in my dream?__Better to let it ride and not bring it up. I don't want to ruin his day and give him any opportunity to not want to see me next weekend._

"Nope, I'm fine, just enjoying a quiet evening at home with the babies. How was the rest of your week of shooting?"

His tone lifts as he happily goes into details of the various scenes that he worked on; some of them for nearly 4 to 5 hours, just to get the right emotional impact. I'm truly happy that he is diving head-on into his work and it appears to be something that he is really energized about. He finishes telling me about the intricate details of a particular scene involving special effects and says, "I'm going to let you go for the evening but I can't wait to see you next weekend. I really have missed you a lot and I don't know if I'm going to let you leave my room, the entire time you are here."

I softly moan into the phone, "You have no idea how wonderful that sounds right now. I can't wait to see you too, Sweetness. Please know that I'm anxiously counting the days." He laughs and wishes me a good night and hangs up the phone.

The rest of the weekend passes by uneventfully and Monday rolls around all too quickly. The weekly cycle begins once again. I make it to work, grab my mail and for once, I'm thankful that Jane is not in the hallway letting her verbal diarrhea ruin my day. My happiness is brought to an abrupt halt as I sit down at my desk and see a newspaper sitting in my inbox atop my desk. I slowly pull the paper towards me, flipping it over and see the title; "The Enquirer" sprawled in inky blackness across the front page. There is a red arrow pointing to an article on the lower left-hand part of the front page. The arrow has block letters written upon it "BASTARD".

I read the article headline, "**Edward Cullen – Are you next?**" I should have thrown the snot rag in the trash right then and there but it was like watching a train wreck, you can't look away all the while knowing you are about to witness a horrific tragedy. I flip through the pages to the full article and begin reading.

"_James Hale died at the young age of 26 years. His death was ruled a suicide but what would drive a man noted as being "the life of the party" to kill himself? A source very close to James reveals that it was none other than his boyfriend, Jasper Whitlock. Yes, the same man that has been snapped in photographs with Edward Cullen. Our source also reveals that James was madly in love with Jasper but felt crushed that the love was never returned. On numerous occasions, James would tell Jasper how much he loved him and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life together with him. However, Jasper never could commit and share that same love. _

_One evening, after what must have been a heated argument, James drove off to bury his sorrows with a couple of drinks. Once he had a chance to calm down, he was driving back to see Jasper once again, when he lost control of his car and slammed into a construction pylon, killing him instantly._

_Our readers want to know: Edward Cullen, is this the type of man you want to be associated with? Do you want to be next?_

_V~"_

The paper silently slips from my fingertips and falls to the floor. I sit there stupefied in horror at what I just read.

_What? How? Who even knows about James and me? Where in the hell did they get this bullshit story from? That wasn't how it happened at all!_

I hear a gasp from my doorway and I turn around in my seat to see Paula staring at me. She says, "Oh my god, what happened to you? You look like you just walked out of a grave! When was the last time you ate anything?"

I cringe as her reference to a grave, as it brings back painful memories of James and his funeral. She notices the paper lying at my feet and bends down to pick it up. She flips to the front page, noticing the arrow and flips to the article deeper within. She quickly reads through it and then stares at me aghast.

"Who in the hell printed this shit? Why was this put on your desk? What the fuck is with the arrow?"

No words can escape my mouth, I am completely numb. I can barely register that she is talking to me when she finally steps forward and places her arms around my shoulders.

"Oh Jasper, I'm so sorry that you had to read this crap. I don't know who could be so vile to print such hateful words. Who is this V person?"

I open my mouth and close it. I have no words.


	22. Jamie

**A/N: Huge thanks go out to many of you that have sent me emails/reviews asking that I continue my story. I'm truly sorry it has been so long since I last posted an updated chapter. Well R/L really can get in the way sometimes but I managed to beat it back into submission and I present to you, the next chapter. I hope you all enjoy it!**

**All my love to my betalicious Mere!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight; I just dream and write about some of the characters.**

**Chapter 22: Jamie**

_I'm cold, so very cold; my limbs feel like they are no longer my own. I'm in a cave of frozen solitude, surrounded by sharp, icy spikes, each one reaching out with their arctic talons, yearning for my heart. I can't move. I don't want to move. If I move, the pain will come._

Slowly, I feel a warming sensation radiating from my fingertips up through my hands. I glance down and notice a cup of steam-filled warmth being placed in my hand. I gradually lift my head and see the face of concern and worry staring back at me.

"Jay? Jay… I'm so sorry!" She pulls me into a hug, wrapping her arms around me. I barely feel her squeezing me; it is as if she is hugging a block of ice.

_What happened? Where am I?_

"Your co-worker, Paula, called me in a panic. She said that you were unresponsive and all you were doing was sitting there at your desk shaking like you were freezing to death. I came as quickly as I could, picked you up, and brought you back home. It was like you were on autopilot or something."

"Ally?" I manage to whisper.

"Yeah, it's me. You scared me half to death when I saw that hallowed look in your eyes. Then Paula showed me the article on your desk. Oh my fucking God, Jay! How can so much evil be concentrated within a single being and how do they know all that shit about James?"

_Don't move or the pain will come._

I just shake my head and take a sip of the beverage still clutched in my hands. The liquid burns my throat as it goes down. The frozen block melts just a little and I take another sip. "Ally…I…I don't know. James…"

_**Flashback**_

_He stands before me, dressed in tight-fitting jeans, a wide black belt, dark blue pullover shirt that hugs his chest perfectly, and his hair is spiked in the front. He is dressed for a good night out tonight, but all I want to do is just hold him in my arms. "I don't know Jamie, I really would like to just spend the evening at home, snuggling up on the couch, and watching movies. Can't we go to Rich's another night?" _

_He looks at me with an exasperated look, "Jasper, you never want to go out and have a good time. You always want to stay locked up in this house. If you loved me, you would do this for me."_

_Fuck! Why does he always play the 'If you loved me' card? "I just had a long day at work and I wanted to relax and unwind. I promise we can go this weekend. Come sit here on the couch with me and I will make it up to you." I smile at him and wiggle my eyebrows, playfully._

_He rolls his eyes and says, "Well, I'm not going to stay home bored, watching some stale movie. I'm going to go dancing, by myself if I have to."_

"_Okay, Jamie," I sigh. "I hope you have a good evening. Please try to keep your drinking to a minimum and promise me that you will give me a call if you need me to come pick you up?"_

"_Sure, whatever!" He grabs his coat and heads out the door._

_A slow sigh escapes my lips and I wonder if I should follow after him. Maybe he needs some alone time with some of his friends and this will be good. I can make it up to him this weekend; maybe surprise him with dinner out at our favorite sushi restaurant, Ono Sushi._

_I must have been really tired from my long day at work because I don't recall much of the movie I was watching. My eyes closed and I drifted off to sleep._

What is that annoying sound?

_I slowly climb out of the bizarre dream I was having and realize that my cell phone is ringing. Still in a fog, I look at the clock on the wall; it is 3:30 am. Noting the familiar number, I answer quickly. "Ally, what in the hell are you calling me for at this hour?" _

"_Jay…" she is sobbing into the phone. _

_I am immediately awake and full of concern, "Ally, what is it? Are you okay? What is wrong?"_

_She takes a couple of breaths and says, "James was in an accident. I just got off the phone with Victoria. Jay…" another sob escapes, "He was killed instantly. I'm so, so sorry!" The phone slips out of my hand and hits the floor with a quiet thud. James is dead, my precious Jamie. How in the hell did this happen? I barely hear my sister calling out my name from my phone, "Jay? Jay, are you there? I'm coming over right away! Don't move until I get there!" _

_How can I move? My muscles refuse to obey my brain at this point. I just sit on the couch wondering if I'm still dreaming._

Don't move or the pain will come.

_The next couple of days are a complete blur. When they day of James' funeral arrives, I'm still a wreck. It feels like I haven't stopped crying for more than a brief moment over the past few days. Ally has been there by my side, holding me when the sobs tore through my body, threatening to rip me in two. She helps me get dressed in my black suit and tie and drives me to Balboa Park where the services are being held. Jamie always loved lying out there, basking in the sun, and enjoying the wonderful scenery._

_At the end of the service, the pastor asks if anybody would like to offer up any final words. Several people get up and share past experiences with James: how they came to meet him; how often he was considered the life of the party. People naturally gravitated towards his effervescent personality. Then, I feel a gentle squeeze of my hand. I glance down and notice Ally is sitting next to me, holding my hand and leans into me, "I know this is hard, but you really need to go up and say something. It will do you a world of good." _

_I nod and rise from my seat and head to the podium. I look out into the gathering crowd and see many of our friends and family have come to share in this time of need. I take a deep breath and try and hold myself together. "Thank you all for coming to share your wonderful words and past experiences with James. Jamie and I met right here in this very park, just over four years ago. He was sunbathing, looking like a bronze Adonis. To this day, I have no clue why he looked up when I was passing by. He caught me staring and asked me to sit down with him and we started talking. Even from the very beginning, it was effortless. He had a magnetism that drew people towards him. He always was the person in the center of any conversation, not because he wanted to be, simply because he was so comfortable to talk to. Jamie, you are the love of my life and I don't know how I am going to continue on with the tremendous void you have left in my heart. Jamie, I love…."_

_I have to stop at this point because I can no longer continue. If I say another word, it will be a broken sob and it takes every ounce of will I can muster to just keep it together. Tears are slowly sliding down my face, and I look up into the gathering, glancing around at many others that are sharing their heart-felt tears along with mine. _

_My attention is drawn to the one person out there who is not crying; a singular onyx pillar of ice, crested by flames of burnt sienna. Her eyes bore directly into my chest as if she is driving a dagger there with just a simple blink. It is Victoria, James's sister and her expression is filled with such hate and anger that I involuntarily take a step back from the podium. I finally decide that I should return to my seat next to Ally and she places her arm around my shoulder, hugging me close. I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I know Victoria is still staring at me with those malevolent eyes, full of hatred. I lean into my sister and she pulls me closer, kissing me on the forehead. _

_As the service comes to a close, Ally grabs my hand, pulling me up out of my chair. My eyes are downcast as we slowly head in the direction of her car. It takes me a moment to realize that we have stopped walking and I look up to see the visage of pure loathing before me. Victoria growls, "Jasper, I want you to know that I will never, EVER forgive you for what you did to my brother. He loved you more than life itself and how did you repay him? You drove him into such an emotional state that he lost control of his car and…and…" She grinds her teeth together before she spits out, "I hope you lie awake at night knowing that he died because you were too damn afraid to tell him that you loved him!"_

_At this point, Ally drops my hand and takes a step towards Victoria. I can feel her emotions radiating off of her as she says, "Who the FUCK do you think you are? I don't give a SHIT if Jamie is your brother; you have no FUCKING right to blame Jasper for his death! Jamie was an alcoholic and you know it! It was his drunken behavior that got himself killed!" She grabs my hand then pulls me towards her car muttering, "Fucking bitch!" _

_I glance over my shoulder and see Victoria's baleful stare as she says, "One day, you will live to regret this day, that I promise you!"_

_**End Flashback**_

"Victoria! It was Victoria that wrote that horrible article, I know it!"

Ally looks at me a bit confused, "Victoria? Why would she have something against you after this long?"

"Do you remember her parting words when we left Jamie's funeral? She said, 'One day, you will live to regret this day, that I promise you!' She must still be holding all that hatred in about Jamie passing and now she is going to try and make my life a living hell."

Ally ponders a moment and then her expression changes to one of anger as she recalls the last time the three of us met. "That fucking bitch! What are you going to do? You need to call Edward and explain everything to him. Let him know all about Jamie, his death, and everything you went through."

I sit there and stare at her with an expression of horror on my face. "What if he doesn't want to deal with all my shit? This could ruin his career and we have only known each other for just under a month. I know this is going to be just too much for him and he is going to say 'Fuck it' and not want to be with someone like me."

Moving closer to me on the couch, Ally places her hand on my left knee. "I honestly don't know how he will react to the news, but don't you think it will be much better coming from you so you have an opportunity to explain the situation? You don't want him reading about it and then making assumptions do you? I know he will understand and he will be willing to work through this with you."

I look up at her, "How do you know that? How can you know that?"

She just smiles and replies, "I just do. I have a feeling that this will be much harder on you than it will be on him. I'm going to call in an order for takeout from The Dumpling Inn and go and pick it up. That will give you enough time to make a phone call to Edward. And don't think I won't check the call record on the phone to make sure that you did indeed call him." She glares at me with a small hint of a smirk forming on her lips.

Ally heads over to grab the hands-free phone, quickly dials the number, and orders, "I would like an order of small steamed pork buns, pot stickers, and curry dumplings. Great, I am on my way now." She then walks towards me, pausing a moment, and then slowly hands me the phone. "Jay, I know this is difficult for you, but you need to let Edward know about everything. Share with him, trust in him."

I take the phone and as I hear the door close, take a deep breath, and finally dial Edward's number.


End file.
